Articulate_AzN's journal

I really used to think I was smart or something...

Hmm. so i broke up with my boyfriend a week or so ago, because he was getting very clingy and irritating and whiney. he would get angry at me for being angry at lets say... my mother. (which is typical of me, since my mother is a lying little bitch, but that is beside the point) and he would get angry at me for not giving him a kiss first thing when i came in the door. or get whiney when i didnt give him enough affection. i started to think he was only in this for the physical aspects of it all. and i was right. so i broke up with him. and i dont regret it, i dont feel bad about it, or anything. we decided to just be friends. not friends with benefits, just friends.

but, on another online community im involved in called myspace, i posted a bulletin that went something like this:

If you were in a room with me alone and the door was locked and no one could come in, name 5 things you would do with me.......... It can be anything, i wont be grossed out or anything
NOW REPOST THIS AND SEE HOW MANY MESSAGES U GET BACK......... GOOD LUCK.............

and at first, he replied with this:

What kind of post is this?
1.)nothing
2.)nothing
3.)nothing
4.)nothing
5.)nothing

because you deserve better than to be fucked without the love behind it. FROM ANYONE that replies to this.

what the hell. i dont put up with that from anyone. i do whatever the hell i want, whenever the hell i want. if i wanna get fucked with no love, ill do just that. and like i care what he thinks about something like that? he was the one that went out with me wanting nothing but physical attention.

well, then i sent him this:

it was supposed to be funny. <_<;; get a hold of yourself. im not a fucking whore. i can take care of myself thanks.

which wasnt mean enough i think. because after apologizing profusely for it, he sent this:

I'm going to do this for real now. Once again, I'm sorry I vented on you :(. I feel really terrible about that still.

1.) Spoon with you and fall asleep. I still stand by what I said. I don't fall asleep faster anywhere else but in your arms.
2.) Nibble your ear and be mean ;).
3.) Nibble your ear and kiss your neck.
4.) [post mission] SEDUCE YOU!
5.) [post mission] whatever your lil heart desired ;)

Now send me a reply to this questionaire. Bye!

what. the. fuck. well, first of all. number 5 eliminates the previous four. i dont want to do anything with him. ANYTHING.
second, who does he think he is? i broke up with him. we're not dating. not going out. nothing. and he thinks he can still do that? he has no right to do any of those things. i think he has the wrong idea.

i think it also has to do with the fact that i was his fist girlfriend and hes 19. *sigh* i guess i asked for it. well, i know better now.

xo Connie ox

So today was graduation at our school. im not a graduate, but i had to go because the band plays at the ceremonies, and i, of course, am in the band.

the band lost 22 seniors this year (which is a lot considering our band was only 90 some-odd people), many of them my very close friends. it was so sad, yet exciting, watching them walk across the stage and get their diplomas and move on to bigger and better things.

one of the people graduating from the band was my very good friend Malorie. we were very close, and she was one of the few people who really enjoyed me for the loud obnoxious strange-humored person i was. she will be going to college in Rochester, NY, which is very far away from Hendersonville, TN.
i didnt cry (thank God, i was wearing makeup, which i dont do often anyway, and plus, i dont do the public emotion thing)
but i was so sad. im going to miss her so much. i dont know what its going to be like next year without her. i know she will be happy in New York, though. she always talked of wanting to go back.

so next year i will be an upperclassman. i will be one of 12 juniors and seniors in the band. our band will be very young, and im really scared of how this is going to work out. i have to be a role-model, a leading figure. there arent many of us for the new kids to look to, and i dont know if i can do it. i always had that sense of knowing that if i messed up, someone would be there to pick me up and help me out. thats not there anymore, and im so afraid that i will do something terrible, and no one will be there to help me. but i think i can do it. ill be strong for everyone else as the graduating seniors were for me. so now im taking their place, and its a strange feeling.

things change so often, right when youre getting used to it all. its really disappointing, yet it keeps everything interesting, but you always have those moments you wish could just last forever. this year was full of those moments. but im sure this next year will be also.

xo Connie ox

Alright. I suppose everyone is right. My life is just a little but dull with nowhere to spew all of my happenings. For all of you who wished me well off, i appreciate your sentiments. For those of you who didnt, it doesnt matter, because im back now, whether you like it or not. ;)

So... Where to begin. So much has happened since i last appeared on netalive. Checking on my last posts, it seems as though i left off right after spring break or so. *Inhales* here goes.

So i had the whole ordeal with my long distance relationship. We are still dating, and we really do like each other very much. We talk almost every day, and he is coming to visit me next weekend. We have decided to break up or take a break or whatever when he leaves, for logical purposes. I really feel as though i love him, but then again, if you read my past posts, i have no idea what the heck i mean when i say love.

Tuesday, april 26th, i was on center point road, going about 50, with 2 of my friends in the car. Around a curve and a hill, a man in a truck with a flatbed trailer hitched behind came around the turn, swinging a bit wide. Swerving to miss the trailer, i lose control of my car, hit the ditch and flip over into a ditch, taking out about 15 feet of log fencing and about a 100 feet of grass. The friend in the passenger seat was fine, she actually hitchhiked the rest of the way to school to tell our band director we couldnt be at concert festival that day. *Shakes head* my backseat passenger, however, was not as lucky. She was life flighted to vanderbilt medical center, where she had reconstructive surgery on her eye and her cheek. After they finally stabilized her, they said she would be just fine. She had some nasty stitches in her eye and her knee, and a massive headache, but other than that, she was good to go, and they let her out of the hospital that evening. Before the accident, she had always had very long hair that she always put into a ponytail or a bun. Afterwards, her hair was matted from blood and glass and such, that they had to cut it all off. Now she has a cute kitty-cut that suits her very well, and she went to prom that weekend and everything. I thank god that he blessed us with such a fortunate outcome of such a terrible event. I guess i payed my share, though. The truck driver never stopped. My insurance paid for everything. My friends bills, my bills, whatever else shit they throw in there and make it sound official... All that jazz.

I went on a bit of a guilt trip after that, i was more emotionally damaged than i was physically. But everything turned out very well in the end, so i dont feel quite as bad. But people like to remind me of my mistake, so itll take me a while to live it down.

My mother, on the other hand... Isnt handling it quite so well. She bought me a new car that she wont let me drive anywhere, and when i do drive, shes right there next to me, screaming, no, not scolding or saying things in a strong tone. Screaming. *Shrugs* what can i do? Haha. I wish she would lighten up and realize, the accident wasnt really my fault. (Okay, i was speeding a little bit, but everyone does. Even her!!!)

This past saturday i tried out for show choir. So that should be interesting. The director complemented me on my audition performance, so i should be alright. :)

Well, thats about it. Star wars comes out in 2 days. Whos excited? Connie is. :) What can i say? Im a geek at heart.

Nevertheless, my life has been quite eventful if i dont say so myself. Anyway, its good to be back. Just try to lighten up a bit on the terrible ratings. Its very .... Discouraging. :)

xo Connie ox

P.S. - oh no!! im down to three red stars!!! x_x;;;

This post was edited by Articulate_AzN on May 17, 2005.

I think im going to stop posting on netalive.

Not that i dont like you guys, its just that it seems that im not very good at this whole "post with smart people" thing.

Plus, i have a big mouth. I tend to post things i shouldnt, and nothing i say ever comes out right.

So good bye everyone. It was nice knowing you all, and my life has been enriched by your presence.

Feel free to email me or something. :)

So. Ive been doing a lot of thinking lately. (Well, that and my internet hasnt worked. Im at a friends house now) but nonetheless, ive done much contemplation. And ive realized, all the things that are bad about this world, are due to ignorance, stoicism, and conformity.

People are so caught up in all of their own business that they dont know and dont care to know about all the other things that are happening. America, for example, is so caught up in fashion and the latest trends in technology and mass media that they dont understand the quality of life. Just living is such a great thing, and more and more people kill themselves every day because they dont understand that life is so good.

Another thing thats going to kill us all is that people have no feeling. They dont feel anything anymore. No emotion. Everything is about being tough and hardfaced. And its due to mass media a lot i think. All the sex and public display of affection that is plastered all over the damn country has desensitized the meaning of just a simple kiss. Sex has become a recreation. A pass time as opposed to a true expression of love and intimacy. Even holding hands has become just a simple physical act of touching, rather than having the feeling of just wanting to hold the other person. No one cares about anyone anymore. Love has become obsolete.

And last, but certainly not least, conformity. Conformity, conformity, conformity. Its everywhere. Style, music, media, lifestyles, etc. Everything has some set standard that everyone feels to be normal. Whos to say its normal? This really hit me hard the other day when i was talking to a close friend of mine who has add. He was talking about how terrible he feels because he cant seem to make good grades and his parents pay a lot of money for him to go to this amazing private school, and this disorder is something that is terribly wrong with him and blah blah blah. Then i realized, whos to say that add is a disease? Whos to say that it means theres something wrong with you? I realized, its not really wrong. Everyone is just led to believe its wrong because its not like everyone else. Poor people are ridiculed because they dont have the lastst fashions because they cant afford them. People are criticized for the taste when they listen to different music or talk differently or wear different clothes.

Ive realized that this world is a terrible place to be. But life is good. So i wont go kill myself or anything stupid like that, but from this day forth, i am completely apathetic to what others think of me (not that i cared that much to begin with). I am going to do what i feel comfortable doing. Opinions dont matter, because thats exactly what they are. Opinions. Everyone has them. And i respect that now, more than ever.

I really hope this has enlightened someone, because i feel that this is a major problem in the world.

Maybe i should have posted this somewhere other than my journal, but i guess it is a bit personal.