Aynjell's journal

How long has it been since I found occasion to watch TV? I'd venture to say that it was in the days of Outlaw Star...
Well, a new show, Fullmetal Alchemist, has captured my attention. Something about it, just brings me in, and damn near makes me cry during every episode.

But why?

Why does it inspire so much emotion in me? Thier undying aspiration? Or their selflessness? Selishness? What is it?

Maybe it's seeing the younger brother the way he is, Alphonz, being a spirit attached to naught but armour. As a bit of backstory (Slight spoiler):

During the third or so episode, the mother dies of some mysterious disease or condition. Later on, in an attempt to ressurect her, committing a sin of sorts, they tried to use human alchemy. What happened to them would forever change them.

Alphonz lost his entire body to the incedent, and in a split reaction to save his brother, the older one gave his arm. In that show, alchemy requires an equal exchange. to gain, one must give something equally as valuable. For the older brother to save alphonz, he had to give something, he gave his arm...

And used it to take his brother fading soul and attach it to a pile of armour. Could you do that on the spur of the moment? God that's so much give...

There is so much selflessness ivolved. I dunno, give it a look see guys. It's awesome, and when I say it almost makes me cry, I'm serious. I'm teary eyed at the end of every episode. I love this show...

Give this a look see. It's awesome!

This post was edited by Aynjell on Jan 07, 2005.

Grrr. What is it about comments, that makes them required? I don't see why teachers should mandate them; I mean really, I showed code, and code far better than expected of me, why should I be forced to explain my code in comments, when the code should explain itself? It's annoying is all. Can anyone else see any logic in this? I'm glad anyway, it's good to be in a C++ class.

Oh, well. I got a 90 %, the lower grade being due to my total lack of comments. Anyway, who else uses comments in that manner?

After a delightful little memory that brought to my attention the absolute joy of playing scumm based games such as monkey island, loom, day of the tentacle, and so forth, I decided to track as many of the titles down as possible. So far, I've only been able to secure Day of the tentacle, Monkey Island 1 and 2, and a couple of official abandonwares like beneath a steel sky and flight of the amazon queen.

So far, I've played most of these, aside from the flight of the whatever thet long ass title is. They're all great. I mean, it was such a great little engine, and it did so much for humour gaming...

I miss it. Long live ScummVM!

All the time I'm making freinds and losing them as fast as I make them. I get the feeling I'm just plain annoying, but for some reason, I don't see what I'm doing wrong. I try tobe myself, but that usually doesn't work out...

I'm weird as all get out I tell ya'. And that get's in the way whole lot...

Well, after an entire school quarter, I am back in the job market. I guess that's agood thing but the simple fact is, Omaha's job market is crap, and It's hard enough to find a job with my credentials. I suppose all that I would need is the bare essentials, hours and pay per, but that's hard enough anyway. Wish me luck?

Before presenting this paper, I , like ragingmaxx, claim no responsibility for any
wrongdoings my particular ethnicity might have committed, and as such, will not tolerate any comments on whether or not I'm racist!

I also apologize for any kind of focus set on any particular ethnicity, it was not intentional. If you notice any, or find any kind of offensive concept please notify me, I'd like to be able to edit the paper to be more presentable. Because really, I'm trying to make a point! Furthermore, I'm trying to make one that will benefit society; not make people mad. Well here is my paper:

RACISM: The bastard son of conformity...

Racism has been the cause of some of the most heinous crimes to date. Of course, this is a subset of a broader hate, being "prejudice", which is easily one of the most sensitive issues our world can speak of. It has evolved through the ages to send Hitler into killing the jewish off in his tyranical genocide of germany, and sent otherwise "justifiable" murderers (the Ku klux Klan, in the beginning they killed off men who cheated on thier wives. I say justifiable, because those crimes are rarely remembered and in some cases not frowned upon.) into killing black residents of america. It is a powerful level of hate, and one so evil, discoursing it brings up very unsettling emotions.

Racism made it's biggest impression in the american mind not too long ago. When african americans were freed of thier owners, they were still given very little room to excell as humans. They had to live in a different world, and were seen as unfit to wander within the "american's" grounds. They had to eat in seperate restaraunts, drink at different fountains, and releive themselves on different comodes. They were ostrosized from american society.

Of course, there were many excuses given for this; one of which was of course the economy. Similar to accusations made of other racial ethnicities today, they were thought of as a menace to the job market. They would take the white men's working positions, and leave no room. African american businesses were driven out regardless of whether or not they actually imposed a threat to the local "white" business and In reality they didn't. It was an excuse to make the black man suffer, he was a scapegoat. No white man or women of the times would have done his or her shopping in a black owned business; there was too much at stake, and to be caught committing such a "crime" would ruin their reputation as a respectable member of thier society. In short, people were conforming.

This slowly but surely evolved into what we have today: Racial Equality. In my opinion, what we consider "Racial Equality" today is no less a crime than that of the KKK (This is hard to put into words, and it will take some time for me to explain, so bear with me.). The fact that we as a society imply that we should treat every man equally has set up modern day America to practice what I call "reverse racism". In as much as a man can't see with too much light or not enough, we have shifted from absolute hate to a over sensitivity.

This also effects development. Only recenlty, a doctor was called on his practices for simply implying that different treatments might be more effective on different ethnicities. He was accused of being racist, and he was stifled as soon as possible. His story hit the news, and it was met with all too much disdain. Why, pray tell, should we not use more effective medicinal strategies on different ethnicities? It is my opinion that there would be little benefit in using another treatment methodology for different racial groups, but what is really disturbing is that, had this doctor been right, we've already destroyed his ability to better society. We've ignored his implications based on his being “racist”. In all actuality he wasn't, but this proves one thing: We as an american culture are scared to death of being different and to allow some iconoclast MD to prove we are through medicinal technology is an atrocity of unspeakable proportions. Once again a stupid decision as a result of a need to conform.

I am a firm beleiver that we are different. Although the basics of what make up a human are shared, we are all built differently. This is a product of the way we evolved, and where we evolved. Darker skin allows for less damage to the body via intense heat, where as something as small as a different nose structure can change how comfortable a climate is. To elaborate the europeon nose is better for drawing in air and warming it on the way it, whereas the african nose cools air. Just the simple shape effects that, and that alone helps us live comfortably in our own climates.

Also worth noting: scientist's have discovered that the difference between humankind and the chimpanzee is 5.6 % on the genetic level. That means that for every one hundred genes, roughly six are different. 6 genes for every 100 makes up the difference between us and the chimpanzee! Based on those findings, scientists are trying to place the chimpanzee into the same genus as homo sapiens! If only six genes for every hundred determine the difference betwixt chimps and the modern day man, how many make the average Japanese man shorter and tanner than the white man? How many give the black man his brown skin and curly hair as opposed to the soft jet black hair of the chinese? I'd daresay enough that ridiculing that doctor's concept was folly. I'd claim enough that trying to blend every ethnicity into one greatly blurred mass of conformity is a mistake. Why pray tell is the concept of being different so frightening?

Why are we so afraid to be different? That is what all of this really boils down to: a fear of being different; a fear of not being able to conform. This can effect all too many people in their everyday life. Ever see a kid do poorly on schoolwork, and not because he can't do better, but because he doesn't want to stand out (Be a considered a nerd by his peers)? That is conformity in it's more destructive form, and in essence, the root of racism and prejudice. The need to conform has led us to not only ostrosize those different from us, but to conform to what seems the norm.
Conformity is a need to empathise, and in more cases blend in and not be noticed. To many, this need is not apparent, but go stand in front of a million people to read a paper you wrote - it'll hit you head on! Granted it's not recognized as conformity, but being noticed by a million people? The emotions you'll experience are a part of a need to be unnoticed; a need to conform.

Has anybody heard of the concept of cognitive dissonance? It states that, if a person were to do something contradictory to what he or she believes, they will either explain it away with excuses or change thier beliefs. A classic experiment made this very clear:

Test subjects were asked to complete a series of extremely boring tasks, and afterwards, were questioned on it. When asked whether or not the task was boring most claimed it was. Those who did were either offered one or twenty dollars (at random) to lie to the next subject, claiming the activity was fun and entertaining. Of those who complied, results show that after their conversation to the next test subject, those offered only a dollar felt the activity was fun. Yet those who got a twentyfold still remained steadfast on the tasks boringness. Why you ask? Cognitive dissonance. They either had an excuse, or they changed the way they thought:

Those getting a dollar most often beleived a dollar was not enough to lie for. So, they changed what they beleived to something that didn't conflict with their actions. On the other hand, wouldn't you say twenty bucks is enough to lie for? Now where do you think the concept of minorities being of lesser worth came from? Let's explore that:

Those owning plantations (and other work places in need of cheap labour) would buy the slaves, only to have to change thier views on things, because owning another man is innately wrong. Thus, they were lesser. Then there were those who just had to go along with it, because the slave owners were right, weren't they? “Of course they are, because I'm to scared to do anything about it, so I have to change the way I think so I can sleep at night.” Again, cognitive dissonance.

After so long, people began to realize that it was wrong, but they couldn't do anything about it. Law even enforced the inequality. How could they do anything about it? They couldn't, they had to just conform. It took violence, imprisonment, and rebellion amongst the masses to change all of that. People died to make the modern african american free! White and black alike were punished for even giving the impression that the black man deserved eqaul rights. If it wasn't hard to change the way racial inequality was, I don't know what is. For people to conform to the kind of power that the men and wmen in question stood up against is quite understandable from a psychological, and practical standpoint. To even imply that black people were as good as whites, could have gotten you killed. Thus is conformity, a need to fit in and be safe. Something that has destroyed lives all too much...

Conformity needs to be destroyed. Aren't we the culture that decided that to be an individual was a great thing? Aren't we the great American nation that expressed it's need to be different? Of course we are, but why on earth are we pushing this Racial Equality (A form of enforced conformity) thing, when it clearly does little more than make conformity the law. This more or less, puts us back to the days when we couldn't fight slavery and racism. I agree with anybody that says racism is not dead, look at what we call racial equality! Why are we forcing conformity when it clearly has caused so many dastardly deeds to be committed, and just within the last century!

We are different, why is everyone so afaid of the concept? It almost makes me cry. As a pastor of a local church once said, " I love different cultures! They are different and I love that. Different is not bad, think of grapes, when I go to the store to buy grapes, I don't just grab a bag of the green ones, there's purple ones too! And do they taste differently? Yes! They are flavoured differently, both equally great, but different! Why shouldn't we look at people that way too?" (By the way, this was a black pastor by the name of Hooker)

Why shouldn't I, or anyone else for that matter, love the fact that everyone is different? Why do we have to suppress it? Now, I'm not implying that because we are different, that our worth is different; no as a life you are just as worthy as any white, black, asian, or latino. You are a human and as such, a thinking breathing person capable of doing great things. Why should I then confine your abilities to a mold, or a "human stencil" that only allows you to be so different? No, you are different, you should be allowed to enjoy it. Am I wrong in believing that?

I understand that man does not want to stand out. Racial conformity prevents the need to do so, but just as much as a victim of abuse can often times steer clear of the gender of the abuser (most common in rape victims), they are preventing themselves from experiencing and or doing great things. Many great and wonderful things have been done outside of conformity, and that is one thing that cannot be said about those hiding amongst it. So why enforce it?

I leave you here. Is this what you want for America, an enforced and in many ways confining conformity? Or should we be allowed to live and love our differences (Not enforce the differences, but love them as we see fit)? It's up to you guys to make your decision, as you can see, I've made mine.

Aynjell Starwing

This post was edited by Aynjell on Feb 02, 2005.