Babygirls_Babydolls's journal

I always have time to write. I sign in alot during the day. I read everyones blogs. I can't say why I do this instead of posting from day to day. I could probably come up with 3 or 4 entries a day if I would. I just don't. It is quite interesting infact, Because when I write. I find myself sometimes in a trance like state. Writing is a meditation of sorts. The Later the hours of day the more helpful the writing becomes to me. I invision a reality in which people can't see because of closed thinking. Deeper and broader is the subject on its many things. For in the dark we cannot see, but we can see. Termonoglogy light within you. Defining light as more than just light. Of course in a way the light is sort of an electrical force, but not really so. This makes no sense.

Ponder the thoughts of the day with me. Currently it is 10 am Tuesday morning. Today is the second day Dylan has been to school on his crutches. Had I known the teachers, and students were gonna baby him so much. I woulda took him last week. We walk in the school and the home ec teach and several other staff says oh Dylan you need a wheelchair. So he sits now in class wheelchair around school. That kids gonna ferget how to walk. I have nly washed dishes and made beds. So,Off to do the daily chores.

Chapter 2

10:10 cuts off blues clues and walks back to computer to listen to the music I downloaded

Chapter 3
11;30AM DEPRESSION IS YOUR DEMONS? Sometimes I feel hes looking down on me, and other times I just want to go away. We will carry on as the song goes. Even your memory will carry on. Fighting our demons. EVEN WHEN YOUR DEAD AND GONE IT WILL LIVE ON. Changes songs and heads to wash a load of clothes. I don't wanna go another day without telling you exactally what is on my mind.

Chapter 4
12:30 n the Houseworks almost done. All I need to do is fold a load of clothes, make Dylans Bed, and clean the fan blades. Wow, and I got 3 hours to do all that in. Oh yeah I smell pinesol which reminds me I also have to mop.

Dylan got his Progress report not report card the other day. He made 3 f's and 4 b's. Thats not cool. Yesterday he stayed after school for an extra hour to catch up on science. Where he has been absent for 2 weeks. He was suppose to stay with His math Teacher today but he suddenly tells me he doesn't stay after school I'll have to do it in the morning hours. Wens he stays after an hour for math, and thursday he goes in an hour early for reading. Poor kids working a 40 hr job..

My depression gets better then it gets worse. I gotta lift my head out of this darkness.

I hope to write more frequently. I can't say that I will. But, I do enjoy going back and being able to say oh yeah I went so and so on so and so day..

2 men stand in prision bars one see mud the other sees stars
~ Babygirls_babydolls ~

The really bad days are the only days you ask why. Why me. Why now. Why this. On all the other days you know why. The answer is a question: Why anyone else?
I’d rather have no sense of direction than the wrong one. . The really bad days are the pain and the nausea and all I can do is think about it. It consumes every nerve in my body to make me feel pain deeper than I ever thought possible. It has to borrow pain from other places to give you this and all you can do is pray.
We have been going through many struggles and I'm coming to realize that my background of thinking "realistically" may be the cause of many of our current troubles. I have begun thinking in terms of realities, allowing my fears and doubts to take over. The last few months have been especially difficult but very wonderful as I am slowly finding my way back to KNOWING. I KNOW that God is in control. I felt it the other day as I was on my knees crying to him. I don't know how, but I don't need to. God has been guiding me all along, with KNOWLEDGE and the clear vision of what I want. It's a tough road to follow, but very rewarding

You can go beyond believing, you can go on to knowing. Beyond believing there is knowing, not knowing in the intellectual sense but knowing in the spiritual sense of knowing in your heart!

The really bad days are the only days you ask why. Why me. Why now. Why this. On all the other days you know why. The answer is a question: Why anyone else?
I’d rather have no sense of direction than the wrong one. . The really bad days are the pain and the nausea and all I can do is think about it. It consumes every nerve in my body to make me feel pain deeper than I ever thought possible. It has to borrow pain from other places to give you this and all you can do is pray.
We have been going through many struggles and I'm coming to realize that my background of thinking "realistically" may be the cause of many of our current troubles. I have begun thinking in terms of realities, allowing my fears and doubts to take over. The last few months have been especially difficult but very wonderful as I am slowly finding my way back to KNOWING. I KNOW that God is in control. I felt it the other day as I was on my knees crying to him. I don't know how, but I don't need to. God has been guiding me all along, with KNOWLEDGE and the clear vision of what I want. It's a tough road to follow, but very rewarding

You can go beyond believing, you can go on to knowing. Beyond believing there is knowing, not knowing in the intellectual sense but knowing in the spiritual sense of knowing in your heart!

You are your inner most thoughts.. You breathe every little ounce of you. Who is your guide I so often wonder? You follow many spirits who link your soul inmany differant directions. Where do you want to go? Tell me your struggles, and I will tell you mine. How many secrets do you have? Did you know your secrets were not as secret as you thought. How many have thought the same things as you? How many judges shall you confront along your ways? Tell me your thoughts. That is you.

Where does the time go? What occupies the one who sits behind the screen? Tell me how you spent your day. Its been nearly a week.

How often do you change who you are? What changes us? What has caught our attention? What pulls us to and fro?

Tuesday I chipped a nail so I cut most of it off...Its perdy short nail now.
I started watching angel at night so mom can work.. Cyndi, and the boys moved out of moms hotel room last Friday. She just left, and didn't come back. All of thier stuff is still at moms motel room.

Wensday the dog tried to run off, as I was bringing him in the house. I tried grabbing him, and it ripped 2 more nails off.. both extremely below the quick. Blood gushed needless to say the damn dog got loose, and it took nearly an hour to get him home.. Angel spent the night. Angel ( 9 yrs old) said mom was asleep so she cooked hamburger helper. She said we were out of milk so I used bar b q sauce. It tasted kinda funny she said. Mom said angel didn't fry the ground beef, and had been vomitting.

Thursday Scott, andI argued.He ended up sleeping on the sofa..haha I got the whole bed...lol..School called me 4 times about Angel vommitting in class. I guess mom gave them my #.I don't have a car to pick her up.. Mom is the hardest person to get to the phone.She works 3rd shift and sleeps during the day.

Friday.. Hum... what happened Friday..Oh yeah nothing..lol..

Today we went to a lil country buffet resturant. we celebrated both my grandparents birthdays. Everyone was there. All 5of my grandmas kids and thier kids and so on kids of kids..lol It was great I guess.. I don't get out much :-} I made 24 heart shaped valentines with hand written poems inside. I gave one to each person in the family... My favorite went to 5 year old Heather my lil cousin. her poems said My love is like a cabbage the leafs I give to others the heart I give to you.

Angel is still sick, vomitting, and running a temp of 102.9.. We are all gonna be sick now.. Mom brought her to te party..Angel looked terible.

I'll write more real soon. Trying not to think lately.. Remember u r your thoughts.. So,guard them well.

This is my 3rd Letter to Lewis Edward Turner. He has not replied to my 2nd letter yet.

11/24/04

Lewis,
Today is Wensday November 24th. One day away from being Thanksgiving. It is a day when we celebrate and meditate on all that we have. A day set aside to give thanks for all things great and small. Our plans are the same every year. We usually get together with my grandmothers side of the family. Normally it is a big gathering. It usually consist of about 50 aunts, uncles, grandparents, brothers, sisters, and a few even bring thier friends, in-laws, girlfriends, or boyfriends. We have it at one of my grandmas brothers house. I am not good on estimating acres. But, I would say they have about 15 to 20 acres. They have it set up real neat and thier houses are huge. My aunt and uncles children all live on the land. They have it set up kinda like a subdivision. There is a long road going down the middle shaped like a snake. It windes passsed all of the houses. I say it like a million houses are on the land. Actually, there are only 4 houses on the road, and they are all spaced out very well. Dylan has lots of fun when we go up there. It is all pretty much woods except for the yards and road. It usually turns up where there are more kids than adults. Most of the younger kids are Dylans age. When we come home we are usually all tierd and Dylan is covered from head to toe in red mud. There is a big ole hill about 15 feet tall that the kids like to slide down. This year will be a little differant though. Normally we leave my uncles and go to Scotts parents to eat Thanksgiving. His sister lives in North Carolina. So, that is where Scott's parents choose to go this year. I assume we will probably get together with them after Monday.

~ A whole week of eating good. ~

The rain has just been terrible all week. It has rained nonstop for days. Water somehow got in and flooded the toy room. So, we rented a carpet shampooer to suck up the water. I guess in a way the flooding was sorta a blessing. When we moved in we had white carpet. As time has gone by it has turned sort of a black color. So, Tuesday was spent shampooing the living room, dinning room, toy room, and Dylans room. It was a rush job so, we now have a moderatly pretty brownish rug.

What use to be our Computer room is now our dinning room. I set it up all pretty like. I hung some nice lil food pictures in there. We decided we needed togetherness that it would be good for us. You know at dinner where you all sit at the table. For us that is not normal. Something we only see on T.V. Our family tends to eat where ever. In the living room, on the floor, in the bed room, at the computer desk, and if your Dylan on the potty (eww). All of the sudden when we think we are normal. The roof starts leaking in the dinning room. It was a yucky, mess. The water was coming in fast. I actually had buckets catchin the drips of water. Whatever holds the paint on the celing turned to all slimey and chipped and broke off to the floor. Maybe it was sheetrock nailed to the wood.
~I dunno.~
This house is just old, and its fallin apart. We have lived here for four years and have been renting this thing. Scott and I are considering moving again. Probably in Febuary or so. When we moved in the rent was $640.00 a month due on the 5th. Two months ago she sends a note stating rent is now $695.00 a month and is due no later than the 1st. If we pay it any later than the 1st we have to pay her $770.00. If we tell them about all the problems we are having. They will ceratinly have us out in a month anyway. Since Christmas is in 4 weeks we had better wait to tell her.

I had a pretty good day last Monday. The sun was shinning the birds were singing ~ha ha.~
Well in a way its true. The sun was shinning and the birds were chirpping. Shelley had come over. Shelley and I have been the bestest of best friends for almost 15 years now. She has two little girls. They both look the same.The oldest girl is seven. The other one is kind of a Victoria look alike. She just turned two in October. She has this Blonde hair that has a light light red tint to it. The length and style of her hair is the same as Victorias Before she got her hair cut. She has those same blue eyes. Sometimes when her hair is all fixed up a certain way. I see this look. Sometimes It feels the same way it did when Victoria use to look at me. There were days Victoria would give me this look. One in which I felt she just stared at me. It kinda feels like she could see what I thought and felt. Almost like she was looking in my soul. Oh well! What I am saying is. If you are up there in that jail with like even only one picture of Victoria. If I were to bring this little girl up there with her hair fixed a certain way. You would certainly swear you were confronting Victoria Angel.
~ Anyways~
Back to the topic. Monday Shelley came over and we went to the cemetary. As usual it did not
look as if anyone had been out there for a few weeks. My friend lives a mile from the cemetary. Everytime she comes to my house she passes it. So, once a week Shelley usually takes a rose or something on her grave. Well, Monday we went out there and cleaned the leaves off. The squirels seems to love the spot. As there are always nuts scattered around her. We took all of the old stuff off the grave. Then we redecorated it. Someone bought a large angel statue when she was first buried. And another was bought about two months ago. We took all of it off. There was a rotten moldy faced barbie, some decayed veggie tale erasers, and some jungle book figurines. We cleaned it up real good. We did not throw any of the stuff away as it might hurt someones feelings. We put a fiber optic tree that lights up out there (still 4 days later it was working.) Two Christmas bears, a bunch of these big poinseta flowers then, We wrapped some christmas lights in them. We then lined the grave up with these little plastic candy canes. When we had all the stuff including the big Santa Clause face organized. We sprayed a can of snow all over the pebbles. I called up there to the jail and asked if I could send pictures or newspaper clippings. The counsler guy said yes to the pictures and no to the newspaper clippings. If you want. I'd like to send you some things.

I kinda figured you were upset about how I responded to your letter. I am sorry if we got off on the wrong start. If it even be that way. I just figured you wanted to know my feelings and what I thought. I feel I can somewhat be honest with you. There were things that went on. That I am not sure you were aware I knew of. Don't hate the things I say. It will only hinder what I write to you and say. The questions I asked of you in my last letter. I beg and wonder to know. I do not wish anything on you. I don't want to see you on death row. I don't hate YOU. I don't judge YOU. There are just things my heart crys out to know. I want you to express and write to me your feelings. Knowing that all I can do is Hear your words Write to me and read my letter with an open Heart. Knowing all I can do is take in what you say. Just as all you can do is take in and try to understand what I struggle with and see daily.

I am not sure what you think about while you are in there. What do you think about? All of the guys I ever knew who went to jail. There thoughts were of getting out and Getting SOME. I'm not to sure you are thinking like that. I don't know why I just think else wise. I would say what I think you might be going through. Then I hear Scott telling me, "Hope you think you know everything." He also says, "I speak without thinking." (love hurts)
I am gonna say what I think anyway. As I am sure you are assuming how I think and feel. I think that for the past 3 years you have sat in shadows. You have been alone finding no peace. You have relived the eleven months you spent with Victoria Grace over and over in your head. You ponder how things could of or would of been. Had you, had patience. You miss Tanya. You wish to hold her one more time. She was the best and most mature girl you had in a sense. You know in your heart that you were wrong. You miss what it is like having family near. I feel in the beginning your mind was being tortured. You were destined for death, ready and willing, to die. All over what you had done to that baby and her family. As time has passed. I feel you probably don't cry as much anymore. I know that there are still the thoughts and the tears. Its just not as bad as it was. So as Scott would say, "Hope you think you know everything." I don't know everything.
~ I assume alot~
I tend to read and write alot. There was time when I Would go to bed. And it seemed like my dreams were being read to me. Everything I dream, think of, What I feel, and the things I see I write. Everything I write I post on the internet. I like to write stories, poems rhymes, and then post it on websites and differant forums.In some forums people can actually respond to what you wrote. It helps me when I write. Sometimes I will go back months later and read what I wrote. Writting helps me to get my thoughts out and to clear my mind. So if I send you a goofy poem. It doesn't mean anything. Sometimes I re-read a goofy rhyme months later and I find truth and answers.
~ CRAZY I GUESS~

I Got that Id# of yours off some website. When I was nosily looking at your info on the site. I noticed your Birthday is November 27th 1978. Very, very weird in a way. The brother that I never get to see. His Birthday is also November 27th 1978. Mysteries unfolding. Happy Birthday!! Something I am sure I want even get to tell my brother.

I am sure in my letter you noticed. At the bottom of several pages. There is a quote "Two men stand in prison bars, One sees mud the other see stars." It is a quote I have had for over a year on one certain website. The quote has nothing to do with you. I am sure you will interpret the quote the same way I do.

Well I will close my letter here. It has taken a good while to finally complete this letter. Take note I am a girl and I cook the day before Thanksgiving. But, the day before Thanksgiving everything takes all day. Well, Be good and God Bless.

Hope

Ps: I am including a poem I entered into a contest. The contest asked for a silly poem. The other stuff is just stuff.
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MY CONTEST POEM..They were looking for something silly..

Begin again
Thoughts my friend
Take me to the weary End!
That is where I submit and send.

To be published in an art found way
Help to send it courageously at the end of each day.

To collect a thought
And to write it down.
Helps when you feel a lil frown.
Thoughts feelings letters you find
Rhymes and poems you write sometimes

To have a place where you can go
Doesn't matter when your feelings show
To have a book
Where you can take a look

When you read beetween the lines.
You can learn some of the times.

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"DEATH"

Death is but a fleighting glimpse
Of lifes long memories
Crystalized realized lifes long histories.
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BABYGIRLS_BABYDOLLS

Posted: Sat Nov 13, 2004 2:18 pm Post subject: I FOUND MY FRIEND ON BLUEBERRY HILL!!

Ha Ha what a topic
Anyways it appears nobody replies to nobody no more. We all are just shut up all alone on our own lil planets.. As some of you know my computer is not feeling to Hot these days.. I must commit myself to a day and time and download the security updates for my poor lil thing before he decides not to wake up one morning..

I guess I been livin a new life lately. I'm all sad and stuff I cry all the time I take things the wrong way ain't been going no where lately. Yall really wanna know? I think I am depressed. Life has become such a mess.
Da mate he's well he might getta hold of this page one day..So I better hush up and stop there. HEY SCOTT I LOVE YOU

Okay back to my Head problem. I am lately finding myself in bed alot.. Use to the bed was only fer sleeping and stuff
Now I wake up clean and SIT in bed. Geez man I have sat in bed so much my feeling in my rear is going numb feels like my back bones have sunk into my BUTT

Yall wanna know what I find so fun about this bed? Nothing really I mean its all comfy and the sheets are soft but I think I finally found my place. You know some like to sit on the toliet, some find a desk more comfotable, others like being outside. I think the bed might be my spot.. I think more in bed than I think anywhere else.. I have learned to not think in bed anymore.. I now place my thoughts somewhere else.. You know I just sit there on the bed all lonley and stuff then all theses rhymin words start poppin in my head. Its like the Fred the shower head and junk like that... I like to rhyme aloot of times.

~anyways~

I wrote all this cause I was bored.
K, well heres my lastest rhyme.

Dreams inbetween
Life and Things
hiddeous horrible scary dreams

Life and things Inbetween
gives birth and you dream your dreams

Hate it seems brings grief and pain
harbored memories all scary dreams

Life and love
mysteries above
Great and true all these dreams for you.

Time and Trouble
They seem to come in doubles

Tribulations Trails gives heed to new tales.

Life and Death
They both seem the same.
They give heed to new troubles and pains.

To feel the warmth of the wind in your hair
To smell the sun and to feel the air
It all has me wondering why I'm not there.

The price thats paid, For the games you play
Always makes you wonder why you did it that way.

Hate and greed tortured tattered all bruised and battered
All those poor lifes shattered

Cold wind blows
all dressed in warm clothes
shiny red nose
walking on tip toes
..............................................

Now how Goofy did that sound? I am feeling the warmth of the wind in your hair. While I am all dressed in warm clothes lookin at shiny cold red noses..

Welp till Next time
ADIOS

Ps I ain't spell checkin this post either ..Its all a mystery
_________________
____________________________

~ Babygirls_babydolls ~
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"FAITH IS KNOWING...KNOWING IS WITHOUT DOUBT"

When you know.
Your spirit will grow.
Faith wins all.
Your feelings they fall.
To know shall make your eyes a glow.

In the heart
The first place to start.
Make or break think your part

When you feel the stress and certainly have less.
The spirits can make a mess
Soothe and caress
But God shall bless a soul.
---------------------------------------------

To hear his voice.
Its really a choice.

--------------------------------------------

There are hills to climb
Bills to pay
Save it for a carnal day
The spirits are out and they want to play
Listen and you hear what they have to say.
------------------------------------------------------------------

Here I sit in Christian Chat.
Wondering what I'll do.
When suddenly I was asked to write.
And my feelings drifted slowly to you.

The Hour it seems so late.
Its becoming a habit I'd like to shake.
The head it reels, it spins, its turns.
I wonder, I think i hope to learn.

My feelings they seem mid level.
Sometimes I am oppressed by devils.
My mind is not as ease. My thoughts are not there.
And there are so many things I'd like to share.
Thou I am not sure you will even care.
Near Two a.m. and I wonder do I dare.
Sit here and think ,I hesitate and contemplate.

The thoughts drift and get in today.
The things we do.
The things we say.
Can sometimes get in the way.

So Be careful what you do.
Jesus will always be watching over you.
The mystery the Spirit its always following true.
Rethink and think it new.

As I sit and rhyme I imagine up a line.
Why bother it takes alot of time?
Its just a little Hobby I have of mine.

I'll write a new subject.
I'll tell a differant kind.
Sometimes it helps a little just to remind..
Theres a Spirit and its not far behind.

Go Hope tell them about before.
Remeber when you slept beside that door.
you laid and listened on the floor.
you waited and you wanted more.

Remeber when they entered in.
She clearly was more than just a friend.
Sometimes as I laid she would sing a tune.
She was an Angel and she was in my room.

To begin I say it started just this way.
I was in the Spirit each and everyday.
I waited. I watched. I listened. I heard.

It is fair to say I was meek.
But still my ears were weak
It was the beginning and things weren't to clear.
Pardon me! Theres something I want you to hear
.
She is an Angel I aknowledged on that day.
She is a spirit who sings to my soul
Sometimes speaking and being ever so bold.
These things they are rarely ever told.
For in todays world people have grown away from his mold.
They don't search.
Their hearts have turned cold.
They have turned to the devil to him thier spirit is sold.

So I want to write and bring to light.
All the things Good and right.
Read the Bible its in plain sight.
Seemed before it was blurred by a cloud
Then all of the sudden her voice was ever so loud
It was something that made me very proud

Everyday it happened this way..
I would go to bed and lay.
And in my head I'd pray
Please Lord let me hear it again today.
What it is my Angel has to say.

Ever felt how peace can feel?
Quiet, full the mind don't reel.
Its awesome and its very real
Just how the spirits appeal.

Even the weakest of mind
Can hear the spirits all the time
It can sometimes leave a person behind.
When a blind mind and the wrong Spirit combines.
Leave ya thinking a little outta the lines.
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I frequently go to yahoo christian chat room 3. Someone has set up a forum. Just for that particular room. So if I mention CC3 that is what I am referring to. This is what someone posted..

Posted: Mon Nov 08, 2004 5:36 pm Post subject: Memster Removed as Moderator and User

Memster has been removed from Moderator status and User status due to his repeated stance in the chatroom that one can willfully, repeatedly disobey God as a Christian, show no fruit, and remain as a branch on the Vine of Christ. Every time I talk about obedience in the context of Grace, he has shown the gall of discounting the relevance of John 15, Galatians 5, 1 Cor. 6:9-11, 1 John 3, Romans 8, 1 Peter, and Revelations to his life. These scriptures speak to us all and remind us that we must remain in Christ in order for Him to remain in us, as John 15 declares, and the other Scriptures delineate. I have no tolerance for people who preach disobedience, and they certainly have no place of authority on my Forum. GBU all and pray for his soul. Wear _________________ "Jesus said unto them, Verily verily , I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I AM" John 8:58 (KJV)

babygirls_babydolls
Joined: 25 Nov 2003
Posts: 52
Location: Georgia
Posted: Sun Nov 14, 2004 12:39 am post subject: Dr. Sure right Babygirls


MEMSTER, Now what the heck have you done gone and done?? Oh I hope we can come to some sort of settlment here.. Memster I love you man. Array Yeap I luv you to . Well I ain't gonna go all out and explain things. I just figured yall would understand. CC3 has become a war zone so to say. Its not good fer goin in and hearin a good word no more. I still remeber the first time I visited CC3. It was way back in 2001 or 2. Anyways my point was this.. The first moment I revolved through the cyber door. I knew that it was the chat for me.. Why I will tell ya.. Everyone was so friendly with everyone.. I actually learned things about other peoples denominations, thier beliefs and cultures.I never learned so much about RELIGIONS in my whole 20 something years of life. Than when I first meet you guys. I saw how well everyone got along. It was like they cared for one another. No one sat for hours on the mic saying so and so is an idot for 3 straight hours.. People didn't hate as much as they do now.. I ain't saying nobodys hating nobody. I am just saying the 2 of you have been pals fer awhile now. I don't belive we should let petty arguments strife or debates get in the way of our duties here on EARTH.. I don't no about yall but What I seek in this life more than anything else is a closer relationship with God.. If someone else believes differant than me I am not going to cause resentment in any way.. I wanna know what everyone believes and thinks all over the world.. I mean some people actually believe the same exact way I do except it is said in a differant way meaning the same thing I do. I think we should love our fellow man. Because when Christ is in us there is much Light and love in you. I love you both very very much. Dang it this is where yall hug and say I am sorry man I luv you
___________ ~ Babygirls_babydolls ~ ______________

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WEARTHEARMOR Posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:16 pm Post subject: Errata 1

Sitting here wondering why people think they have the right to disobey God? It just really puzzles me how someone can think they are a good Christian if they teach, preach, or do disobedience... Obedience isn't hard when the Holy Spirit is constantly reminding you to do it! Sigh, just another case of chat blues. I think I'm going to spend less time in CC3 from now on. I'm tired of the slander and the hate for God and those that want to follow Him, whether in faith or in deed. Nobody puts these people on ignore, which is the most frustrating thing. How many times do you have to hear someone speak against the Law of the Spirit and be reproved for it before you realize that they aren't going to change until they start listening to God again? Every single person that preaches disobedience in CC3 isn't bearing fruit. It is almost like witnessing to the unsaved: you have to explain the fundamentals of our Faith all over again. Be seeing you guys around. I'll still be on Messenger, if you want to IM. But I'm going to take it easy from chat for a while. I'll come back occasionally. GBU Wear _________________ "Jesus said unto them, Verily verily , I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I AM" John 8:58 (KJV)

WearTheArmor
Site Admin
Joined: 13 Oct 2003
Posts: 195
Location: Wisconsin, Alpha Centauri
posted: Wed Nov 17, 2004 4:20 pm Post subject: ...
Feel free to use this forum, I'll still check in on it. I'm not going to take it down right now, but if the situation remains the same and only a couple people are using it, I can always use the server space and bandwidth for something else... _________________ "Jesus said unto them, Verily verily , I say unto you, Before Abraham was, I AM" John 8:58 (KJV)

babygirls_babydolls
Joined: 25 Nov 2003
Posts: 52
Location: Georgia
Posted: Thu Nov 18, 2004 4:06 pm Post subject: In Reply To Your Reply

One thing is clear. When you are in the spirit it is impossible to sin. Those in Spirit "THINK/ SPEAK in the Spirit." I do wish that my flesh/ Evil side would allow me to remain in the spirit 24/7 365 days a year. As I write this I start remebering all of those Months that I was in the spirit.. It seemed much like this. I would be eager and wake up early. My first thought would be anything and everything about the "MYSTERIES OF GOD." It was like I lived and breathed here on Earth but my mind was not here with my body. I hope that you understand that! All I ever really wanted to do was read the Bible. I felt like I was the one God was speaking to. Not Paul, Mary, John, or Martha or the various other mentioned in the Bible. I would find myself speaking like the Bible with words such as Thus, Thee, Thou, shalt, etc. When I was not reading the Bible I was in the Spirit doing my Housework/ Yardwork. I would make up songs about God and Hum as I worked. If I was not Humming I would be wondering this or that and try to Understand. When I spoke to people I was eager and bold to tell others what I had been shown. You have to understand when you are in the Spirit. Many good and wonderful things begin, being revealed to you. When I pray its like Someone is helping me to find the words to say. Its not like a whisper of someone telling you. Its much like the words are just there and you have only begun to realize it. It usually is a prayer unlike all the others. What I mean is most prayers are prayed only when in need of help, or you say the same thing night after night ( I think this is what the Bible refers to as Babbling.) When totally in Spirit with my whole mind. I begin having dreams answering the questions that I have pondered night and day. While doing house/ yard work or while just sitting on the sofa. I have gone into a trance and have had visions. They usually leave me wondering What Happened! Was I still cleaning? Was my eyes open? Did my body start shaking all over? I really do Love when God answers me in this way. When in The spirit my Ears seem to be like receivers. I mean my ears work differant. They hear things that you would not normally hear. See when you are in the Spirit you are quiet. Your Mind does not drift of to what you did or what other do on Earth. Your mind is always quiet waiting, and listening. Your mind is still and if your mind is not still waiting it is on the things of God (only thinking of him.) It is almost impossible to hear the voice of God when you are not "QUIET IN THE MIND." To me Gods voice comes very quick It is not spoken the way you or I speak. I think the Lord pretty much speaks the way the Bible does. I don't want to say God speaks in parables but his words may sometime seem that way. For Example: One night a few days after the SEPTEMBER 11th plane crashes. I became very worried we would go to war.I prayed crying God would hear and understand my fears. In the middle of my prayer I paused due to the tears. When I paused God spoke to me He said, " He who has the face of war rideth his horse in the face of other men." To me that sounds like a parable. To me though I feel God has always spoken fast when speaking to me. I feel when my mind is on God I am blessed. At night (only when I am in the spirit) when mind and body are still laying then quiet waiting and listening. I will hear someone singing to me. I will also hear the most heavenly musical instuments. This is very much unlike the music played on the radio. I describe this as soul music. This voice ( I will call her my Angel) will sing. It feels like she is singing the words on my soul. Not just my head. The Angels Voice and the instruments are very meditative. At times this angel will cause me to fall into a trance and I will have a vision. Or I will fall into a deep sleep and have what I call "GOD FELT DREAMS." Those are the kinda dreams you have. Where you feel it could have only come from God. Dreams that answer questions you have been having and such. When in the Spirit. I have this "Knowing feeling." I feel kinda like a psychic so to say. I am not exactally psychic. I just call it that. Its that I feel and know things are going to happen before they actually do. Its not hard to describe what it is like to always be in obediance and obey God. That is because the only way we can do this is by being in the Spirit. When in the flesh. I am always Bored. I feel there is nothing to do, no where to go, nobody to talk to. I am simply bored outta my brain. There is always something else I find to do other than read the Bible. ~although! The spirit will say "you should do it." In the flesh I sometimes feel like there is just nothing else to learn. He showed me all. In the flesh I argue alot with my mate, I am on the computer way to many hours a day. Which takes away time from my son. When I am in the flesh my Body and mind wanna break free and party. I want to have more fun and do things I shouldn't. When in disobediance it is safe to say you are in the FLESH. When at the times I tend to pray the same thing night after night. I sometimes even forget to pray, I tend to be depressed alot, I take things people say the wrong way, I am closed minded, I want to argue, our family lacks financally, and lots of bad things start happening. When in the flesh my mind can seem only to think about the things we deal with daily here on planet Earth. I wonder whats my friend doing today? Will she come over today? What will I do this weekend? Maybe I should buy me a bottle of wine tonight and go to Christian chat room 3. I wonder how I am going to get the money to do this or that. Its just so many stupid thoughts. ARRAY when you write and speak of not obeying GOD over and over. You are saying people are always in the flesh and never in the Spirit. For some have said that they are in the Spirit. When actually they know not even what it is like to be in the Spirit.. Some think well I quoted that right without scripture. The spirit was sure in me. Some think because they know the answer they have the spirit.
~not couldn't be futher from the truth~
To be perfectly honest I can't ignore a person because they are not in the Spirit when they Type or speak. As I find myself in the spirit for months at a time. Always returning back to my "SINFUL FLESHLY DISOBEDIANT NATURE." If I ignored people because they were not in the Spirit. I would find myself only chatting with 1 or 2 people in my life. Then even these 1 or 2 people would not always be in the spirit. I don't think that just by telling someone something over and over again will make them change or think differant. It can influence and distract but not change.. Only God can truly change a person inside out. I believe we can remind a person of things. If someone is a discouragment to yourself, or they are causeing Strife, arguments, and resentment. If it is causing problems with your relationship with the Spirit of God and Christ then you should ignore the person. Not everyone will believe the way we do. Sometimes you have to listen and read between the lines to understand they are saying almost exactally what you believe. We have a JOB to do!! When we realize what are duties are it makes life a little easier. Our #1 believer and follower of Christ is to LOVE.We are to love everyone and everything. We are to show Love in word and deed in everything we do. When we learn to Love those that are unlike ourselves or even much like us. We learn a valuable "GIFT/ POWER" with love and with the Spirit we are Unable to Judge others. Though we Judge all things in the Spirit. Being such as we judge a sin no worse than we judge another sin. When you read the Bible you understand that there is no differance between telling a lie and murder. That is because they both come against the law of The SPIRIT. When we sin we have an advocate with Christ. We believe in Christ because He died for Our Sins. Because Christ Forgives, heals, reveals, and destroys sin. Christ is truely the only way. Like I said before it is not possible to sin in the spirit. Array I somehow feel this post is due to your feelings about Memster. I hope the two of you can come to terms and work your differances out. I do love the both of you. As I have not been in chat to much lately. I don't know what is going on other than what is posted in the forum. I understand MEMSTER has been in chat quiet a bit hogging the microphone. I understand that he is speaking about things people do not agree with. Array you posted what I can only assume MEMSTER is preaching. 1.) Disobediance toward God, having no fruit/ Gifts and still remaining Christian.. Being Christian is a belief means you believe in Christ and what the Bible says. Just because you believe in Christ and because you believe the Bible does not make you spiritual. Obediance and faith make you spiritually Intune. Like I said you have to be in the spirit to not be disobediant. How can we be in the flesh and not disobey? The fruit of the spirit is much like a power of God. Something that you can only get from God. Love, joy, longsuffering, patience, meekness. All these things can only be done in the spirit. It is hard to be loving, patient, and gentle with Some. Thats why I call it a gift. If you have the love of God you have one of his greatest Gifts. I myself do not belive that when the spirit is in you. That you are able to disobey.. That is impossible.. A mind on God is what you find in someone who is Spiritual. Now this buisness with you giving up my secret hide away cause we r the only posters. Well that is just plain crazy talk. I really wish that you would take my suggestion if you want traffic to this site. I have said place it on search engines. Don't just place our names on Google but the every word spoke in this forum. I believe that the site would be a bigger blessing to you that way.. Just a suggestion. LUVS YOU :X ~ Babygirls_babydolls ~
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This is my 2nd letter to Lewis Edward Turner.. This is my reply to his letter.11/12/04

Lewis,

As I write. I ponder things. I imagine and I wonder how I will explain. I do not write from heart-ache, resentment, or pain. For you and I are alot the same.
Kinda sounds like I am turning this letter into a poem. I am not sure how this letter will turn out or how I am
gonna respond. Things that are going on in my life have had me feeling rather outta my head lately.
I only wish a plead for your honesty. Sounds kinda goofy (I plead to you). You honestly have no reason not to be. The past is over all we can do is try to make it new. There have been real things that I want to tell you. There is no more judgement that can be done to you. Not that I could have ever judged you in the first place.
I really thought your moms poem was beautiful. Did she have is published in remeberance of Victoria?
Did your mom ever get to see or know her? Your poem made me wonder though. I felt like half of it spoke of
the moment she died. More like a poem of memories of when it occured and a mixture of how you felt shortly afterwards. Lewis do you speak to Tanya, or does she write? Does she still live in the apartments? Do you know if she is still in Conyers? How is she doing? I really do have so many questions. Do you want me to Laminate the poems and place them on Tori's grave? What material possessions (pictures, newspaper clippings, letters) do you have reminding you of your life with Tori Grace and Tanya? Are you and your mom real close? Do you have Any close relatives or friends now? What do they think or say to you about Victoria's death? Maybe I am being a little nosey here. I am just curious. These are some of the things I think of. I am asking for no reason other than because I just want to know.

Lewis I dreamed that I saw Victoria's death. This was shortly after she died. Then Two months after Victoria died I had another dream about her. In this dream Victoria spoke to me. After victoria spoke to me I felt maybe it healed my heart a little. I stopped crying and thinking, "why Hope did you not stop it? Why did you not visit her that day." Lewis I understand what the Doctors said about " SHAKEN BABY." But I ask for reasons all my own about that day. What happened that day! Please tell me and be honest. I know things must be going through your mind over and over. You must probably try to imagine things really weren't as bad. I know things were going okay at the beginning. Tori and I were closer than anyone else so I do know. It went well for a couple of months. At the end though. The last 6 month period it went from mental to physical abuse. Victoria told me things that literaly made me lay awake crying. I told everyone That knew Victoria including all of Victorias family. I know in my heart I did the right thing. I know in my heart calling DFACS would not have been a good thing. There were days I would tell Scott, You gotta do it I can't take her to the door." He would just look at me like he was thinking I hope she is not right. Tell me what set you off that day. Was it anything SHE did? What were the words you said to her while this went on? Before Victoria went into her coma or died. What were the last words that she spoke? These things Lewis I need to know.

From here on out I write to you things I have posted on the internet, poems of what I think, things I have dealt with. I also am going to send to you the statement I sent to DFACS after her death. I almost felt it impossible not to. These were the things I knew and what I did. This is exactly word for word what I gave DFACS and The police...

I started babysitting Victoria in April of 2001. Victoria was 9 mnths old.

In JULY Of 2001-
Tanya told me she took Victoria to the doctor over her behavior. Tanya said she told the doctor, Victoria crys so much I feel like throwing her out the window." Tanya said, " The doctor told her to ignore the problem, and act like it doesn't bother you." She said the doctor told her to put Victoria in the corner. Tanya then asked if I was having problems with her. I told Tanya Victoria was a sweet heart I never really have to get onto her here. Victoria did not crry or have unusual behavior problems here. Tanya told me, " Ijust don't understand why she acts so bad only with me." She also told me if I need to spank Victoria that it was okay. Victoria I told her is not the type you have to spank."

Around NOVEMBER Or DECEMBER of 2001-
Victorias dad was still living in the home. Victorias dad David called me on the telephone. david asked me if anyone was in the car with Tanya. I opened the front door and informed him. Yes he is with her ( I thought it was THEIR friend.) David told me, "Hope she is doing bad things with him, she is cheaing on me with him." The following day when Tanya dropped Victoria off. Tanya explained to me that the night before when she was talking to this guy Lewis on the phone. David snatched the phone from her and hit her in the head with it: She told me if he showed up at my house to tell David Victoria doesn't stay with me anymore. Tanya told me to call the police. David moved out the following day, Lewis moved in 2 days later.

APRIL & May 2002-
Victoria's behavior started to change. She started becoming very quiet, and was scared to go home. She would start screaming whenever she thought someone was here. She started twirling her hair in tiny knots.

In June & July of 2002-
Victoria started telling me " you don't have daddy", "Lewis don't want you" And "Lewis hates you now." I didn't know what to do so I spoke with Tanya. I told Tanya what Victoria had been saying. Tanya said, "please don't call DFACS on me Hope." I said, "Tanya I am not going to call DFACS I just want you to know what she has been saying." Tanya said, " I know Hope she tells me that to."

At The End Of JULY 2002-
Tanya said Lewis moved out because Victoria hated him. Lewis moved back in the next day.

At The Beginning Of AUGUST 2002-
Victoria was sitting in my lap watching a movie on the computer. She said, " momma kick you in you head." I said do what your mom kicked you in the head. I asked Victoria why did momma kick you Victoria. Victoria said, "mom cut light off and kick you in the head Hopie" I told Lewis Victoria has been talking about the kitchen alot and he said Victoria had just gotten a new play kitchen.

By The End Of AUGUST 2002-
Victoria's twriling of the hair was getting very bad. Tanya told me she took Victoria to the doctor over it. Tanya said the doctor told her it was a habit like thumb sucking. Around 3:30 everyday Victoria would start twirling her hair and following me around the house. Lewis at this time was picking Victoria up at 5:00 - 5:30. Victoria would scream I want you Hopie. She was terrified hiding her face from Lewis. I got to where I hated her leaving it worried me.

In SEPTEMBER 2002 -
I was out side with Victoria, and she said, "Lewis shake you head." I said Victoria how does Lewis shake your head. Victorias reply was, "Lewis Pick you arms up and shake you head." I told Victoria, "momma doesn't believe Hope tell Na- Na, Na- na (Tanyas mom) will stop them. Victoria said tell Na Na I want Na na.

About The 2nd Week Of SEPTEMBER 2002 Sept 23rd-
Victoria had a large wound on her head. There was hair missing in places over the wound. It was oozing a clear green infection. Victoria told me, "mom brush it out."

The Last Week Of SEPTEMBER 2002 (Sept 30th) -
Victoria kept saying " Hopie Boo Boo hurts" pointing at her rear end. Victoria was potty training with pull up. So, I only changed stink accidents. When I looked at victorias rear end. She had several small circle bruises on her butt. I do not know where they came from but it looked like pinch marks.

OCTOBER 1st The Next Day-
I was changing her dipear and noticed her whole butt was a bruise. It was not a hand print bruise it was a bruise that covered her whole rear end

OCTOBER 2nd 2002-
I also babysat for Tanyas best friend (Teresa H.) I spoke with Teresa, and told her I didn't know what to do. I told her I had spoke with Tanya about what Victoria was saying, but now she was coming with wounds and bruises.
Victoria did not show up on this day.

OCTOBER 3rd 2002-
Tanya called me and said that she was going to keep Victoria at Home because she couldn't stand the thought of me thinking she was abusing Victoria. I asked her what was I suppose to think. I asked her about her head wound. Tanya said, " I told you Hope I burnt her with a blowdryer the same day I cut her hair." I asked her about her bruised buttt, and she said she knew it was there. She said, " She must have fell out of her baby bed."
Victoria was scared of heights. Victoria would not have done that. She slept in a playpen at my home and never attempted to climb out. She would scream if you sat her on the counter top.

OCTOBER 4th 2002-
David W. Victorias dad came to see Victoria. That was when I explained to him Tanya fired me because she didn't like me thinking they were abusing her. He told me he was going to call DFACS and put a stop to it.

OCTOBER 6th 2002-
Tanyas mother Cyndi T. called me. She told me if I loved Victoria I would not be causing Tanya so much problems. Cyndi told me that she knew I had a son, and that i was digging a ditch deeper than what I could climb out. I hung up on her and she called right back. My fiance Scott C. Began arguing with her on the phone.

~LATER THAT DAY~

Tanya called and told me I needed to quit telling everyone they were abusing Victoria. Tanya said I wanted to call you yesturday and tell you David came over here. She said, "david thought he was going to do something, but I called the police on him. I told you Hope I have a restraining order on him." Hope David abuses me.

During the time this was going on I spoke with:

Tanyas best friend Teresa H
Teresa H mom Janice D.
Tanyas mom Cyndi T
David W
Beth C
Shelia C
James C
Melodie W
Michelle W
Jerry G

12/30/02
Signed HOPE

So when you think about it Tanya was abusing my baby to.

Many a nights unable to sleep. I lay terrified praying endlessly with tears in my eyes. I knew not what to do or where to go. Then all od the sudden the bruises started to show. I begged I pleaded and ther wasn't a soul. There were things that wre said. there was fear in those eyes. To me it came as such a suprise. When they didn't listen it brought memories to mind. For 6 mnths I knew Victoria was a special Angel of mine. I was fired for the fear and the pleasures of the blind. All of this while she was still alive.

Sometimes it hurts your pride. But somewhere along the lines you told a few lies. It wasn't the first, only, nor would it had been the last. If God had not saved that baby that he created best. I knew about the drugs even before you wrote it on the lines. Someone else had told me about you and Tanya another time.

Do you know exactally why I wrote to you? Do you believe in Karma? The words or how it may feel. Do you imagine life as some tragic spell? Its something I know all to well? Do you have faith in things? That have yet to be explained? Let me just tell you, You have his name. You reckon only now people are calling you insane? Listen! Listen! Life shall never be the same.
Silence now your thoughts undoubted. Quiet in mind. No thrills just be still

To be spiritual is to be at ease to be intune. To hear his voice and to understand his love. The only thoughts you'll ever think are the ones wrote in blood. Never endless turning love. Something you only get from the mystey above. To show you things you've never seen. To be with you in his special dreams. How precious is this gift. Something that couldn't come from anything inbetwen. A mind on God is what you find in one who is spiritual. Its something hard to hide. Its not only whats felt inside.

To be blessed is to be at rest! I hate to say shes better that way. Who cared even on that day? The blind are those who do not see. The emptiness rolling, tumbling, darkness insdie those beautiful eyes.

FORGIVENESS is to forgive asking to Forget.
(FORGIVE)
1. To give up resentment against or the desire to punish. 2. Pardon (an offense or offender) 3. To excuse (a person) for a fault

EXCUSE is to dismiss
DISMISS 1. to allow to leave 2.)Put aside
On other words when you ask someone to FORGIVE you. You are saying will you forget it.

These things are not for me to do. For there is only one able to forgive you. For I am only able to tell you what I feel inside.

~LEWIS~
I request not a punishment or have any desire. I can not excuse/ Forget you for a fault or put aside hwat you may now feel inside.

This is something I wrote some time ago. It is a poem/ letter as something I can only describe as backsliding.

Reading Babygirls_Babydolls Journal
May 29, 2004 00:50
Mood: isn't happy...
Dear God
Inside the Heart the mouth is restrained.
Evil and saddeness lurking within the brain.
The Hope of Joy is with me Still.
I long for the peace that I once knew so well.
Being locked within the bounds of the mind.
There you look and sadness you will find.
To feel the loss of a spirit breaking.
The thoughts remain as flesh it seems.
Thinking how will today end and what will tommorrow bring.
Will I ever be as close to you as I once was before?
To hear the voice and to hear no more it has me aching for so much more.
Within a valley a sea a shore.
I beg of you Lord to come once more.
To have a family at home and to feel so alone.
Please God don't let me do this on my own.
Hold my hand and walk with me.
Lead me to the peace that I use to see.
Give me the wisdom and help me understand.
Why is it me that you put forth in this land?
Lord put the thoughts back into me
The thoughts that brought you to me.
I use to think God you are really in me.
I see what you want but I see you no more.
I know you haven't left your inside and waiting for me to put this flesh to an end!
The days of old many I have told.
Back then in you I spoke very bold.
It was you who spoke to me and the whole world I woulda told.
Had it not been for the evil that lives within the soul.
The thoughts of man in me you find.
In the Lord I have fell behind.
Come Lord let my heart be where you reside.
For you know my heart and whats inside.
The is nothing that I can hide.
Lead me to the place I once knew.
Where the waters are calm and crystal blue.
Back to where my hearts thoughts are always with you.
Yeild to the spirit.
Yeild to the mind
yield to the wisdom that you shall find.
Yeild to the fact that he loves you and wouldn't leave you blue.
Oh yes believe me its true!
Its all because of me.
This is not how its suppose to be.
Learn your thoughts and learn em well before you run to hell!
He waits, He watches and he speaks.
The Bible says to worship think and to be meek.
I believe therefore if I fix my mind
I shall not be left behind.
Look at me I am the soul you shall find
" Two men stand in prison bars, one sees mudd the other sees stars."

May 30, 2004 04:17
Babygirl_Babydolls replies...
Re: Dear God
What I read today!!!
Psalms.143
[1] Hear my prayer, O LORD, give ear to my supplications: in thy faithfulness answer me, and in thy righteousness.
[2] And enter not into judgment with thy servant: for in thy sight shall no man living be justified.
[3] For the enemy hath persecuted my soul; he hath smitten my life down to the ground; he hath made me to dwell in darkness, as those that have been long dead.
[4] Therefore is my spirit overwhelmed within me; my heart within me is desolate.
[5] I remember the days of old; I meditate on all thy works; I muse on the work of thy hands.
[6] I stretch forth my hands unto thee: my soul thirsteth after thee, as a thirsty land. Selah.
[7] Hear me speedily, O LORD: my spirit faileth: hide not thy face from me, lest I be like unto them that go down into the pit.
[8] Cause me to hear thy lovingkindness in the morning; for in thee do I trust: cause me to know the way wherein I should walk; for I lift up my soul unto thee.
[9] Deliver me, O LORD, from mine enemies: I flee unto thee to hide me.
[10] Teach me to do thy will; for thou art my God: thy spirit is good; lead me into the land of uprightness.
[11] Quicken me, O LORD, for thy name's sake: for thy righteousness' sake bring my soul out of trouble.
[12] And of thy mercy cut off mine enemies, and destroy all them that afflict my soul: for I am thy servant.
" Two men stand in prison bars, one sees mudd the other sees stars."

I have this lil doll that kinda makes me think of Tori Grace. I am not sure why but I feel like this doll watches everything I do. This is a story I posted on the internet about this Doll. Victoria is my little Angel.

Reading Babygirls_Babydolls Journal
May 15, 2004 03:18
Mood: tells about...
Angels And My Broke Doll
My friend came over about 2 months ago. She brought her 2 little girls. One of the girls is about 6 mnths away from being 2.
~Anyaways~
I have a coffee table in the middle of my living room.. I have several candles and 2 figurines sitting on it.. One is a small lil boy holding a teddy bear and the other is a lil girl holding a teddy bear.. I think my figurines are adorable.. My friends baby girl loves the Dolls 2..When she came over she toted them around for ever all throughout the house..
When she left I couldn't find my Little boy doll.. I searched up and down for the thing for about 4 weeks and could not find it.. Everytime my friend brought her lil girl over I would say Kelsey baby where is Hopes lil boy..Then I would point to the lil girl doll and say, "Look she is missing her friend."
After about 4 weeks I was cleaning behing the entertainment center and stuffed under it was my doll broke in 2 pieces.. The doll really meant nothing to me.. I just thought they were cute. I think I bout them at the local Dollar Tree store..You know where everythings a dollar (LOL) .. When I located my doll I immediatly realize my 9 year old son had to had broke an thrown it that far back behind the entertainment center..
~Back To The Story~
About a month after I found the doll my friend came to me with a shocked look on her face.. She says Hope here, and handed me the doll I had thrown away..I said SHELLEY did you buy me a new one?? She said No Hope. Kelsey brought it to me... I was like Shelley the doll broke I threw it away.. She said I know I remeber you telling me thats why I told mom you were gonna be shocked and wouldn't believe it!! She said that her 9 year old was playing with her Clifford riding toy and the doll was in the seat of it...
I was amazed because of the way she acted I knew this was not something she had bought.. I was telling my mom about it cause she was here the day I found it under the entertainment center broke... She was saying I bet Shelley bought a new one because she remebered it..
Immediatly afterward I was then just sitting on my sofa and got to thinking
about myself as a fish (lol). The water felt so good on me and my mind all the sudden started reciting this poem.. I am not sure if I read it somewhere or if my mind made it up..I mean it was like I was reciting from memory..
The Poem:
Angels presence always near
Guide me safe to waters clear
lead me not the enemies way
Guide me safe throughout the day!!
I quit reciting this poem that was going over and over through my head and looked at mom and said You know what.. That Lil Girl Doll everytime I look at her she reminds me of Victoria (was 2 yr old that died). She said Everytime I look at her I think of victoria to.. The doll to me reminds me of an angel looking at me..
I dunno I just thought this was cool!!
But now that I read it it sounds BLAH!
" Two men stand in prison bars, one sees mudd the other sees stars."

I guess I will close for now,
Hope