Bunk's journal

I was outside today when I saw two birds playing together on the grass, and I'd like to talk about that for a while... just kidding! (I love nature, but still...)

I would talk about how the hockey team I cheer for just lost, the Senators, who played so well, but couldn't beat that old bunch of cranks. Lalime picks the worst possible time to play a crappy game, and Belfour stands on his head with a zambonie up his arse clearing the ice at the same time. Stupid goddamn leafs, I hate them so much, now I have to hope the flyers beat them, and I hate them too! The sens outshot them so badly, outplayed except for game five, but they're allowed one bad game in seven, right? My dad thinks that's where they lost, but they just couldn't catch a single break, except for game six... but anyway, I'm won't talk about that. Not a lot of hockey fans on this site methinks. So read my other new entry. I sat down for five minutes and wrote it when I was in a bad mood once.

This post was edited by Bunk on Apr 22, 2004.

(I won't say what I'm talking about here, but if you do your research you can figure it out:-)

Amazing. They did that which could not be done, and yet. Maybe it's better I didn't get my hopes up actually; if they had failed, it would have been crushing. Hell, what am I saying? It has nothing to do with me really. Still, like Dave said a couple nights ago, you make an emotional investment. All you really want is for them to care as much as you do, and to give it their best shot. I guess that was it. I was afraid to make that investments. With all the history. All the years where, when it came down to it, they just didn't care as much as we did. They changed all that. I'm glad it was "fish" that finally did it. He worked so hard all the way, it's great to see a guy like that rewarded.

Of course, it's not over yet. There's still one more challenge. Ooh, it's going to be a doozy. I think that was part of it too. I was waiting for the final test. So I guess I knew they would do it all along. I'm feeling the excitement now. I'm going to lay it all on the line on tuesday. Put my faith in them. Silly maybe, Trivial perhaps. But I feel like, if they can fight back, slay the dragon, maybe I can too. And it's fun :-)

G.S.G!!!

I'm in a decently good mood about now. Last friday, saturday, & sunday were all great days. sometimes it's tricky when you're happy and you know it; you just don't want anything to go wrong, or get you down. Anyway, that's a different post. About now I'd care to relate a twisty little event in my recent past. It's long, but I believe worthwhile.

It was a thursday morning, and there wasn't much to do. I was lounging around at TYPS, a local "teen hangout place", or so it was billed. It's an ok place: fridge with drinks (not free)pool table, tv, foozball, an old pc. all a bit rundown, but still, you'd have a hard time being bored. So there I was, bored stiff. the problem was, i was only there for about an hour or so while I waited for my brothers french class to finish. And since there was a class going on, fun noise-making activities such as pool or foozball were not aloud. and to top it off, I had no money and i forgot my book, like i forget most things. anyway, on to the event.

I decided to mosy on over to the PC. Games? not even your standard free cell. Interesting reads? Nothing, except what I wrote on it a couple weeks before, which appearently went unnoticed. Now, I've never been that much of a prankster, but at that point in time, I just decided to try something out. So i started moving around icons, putting stuff in different folders, changing the format, etc. Really silly minor stuff. Just then, the door opens, a lady enters, and I stop dead. I'd seen her before; she was one of the ones who ran and organized that place. She had come in once before to check her email account on the computer I was using. I quickly got up and went to sit down at a nearby couch, trying to look absorbed in a newspaper.

She sat down at the pc, and instantly a look of confusion beheld her. I heard her mutter something to the effect of "Where are all my icons..." As she stared dumbly at the screen, I started feeling uncomfortable as the stupidity of my act dawned on me. All I had done was cost this nice woman five minutes of her time. She'd left her car idling outside for god sakes! I had pictured it as a victimless crime, intended to briefly confound some stranger with no name. She asked me if I knew what was going on. I calmly denied any knowledge of what was going on. She believed me; To top it all off, she was the trusting type. Still, I really thought it was not that big a deal.

I was a little surprised when she continued to stare blankly at the screen, without a clue what to do. "Come on" I thought. "Just run a find." She was stumped. sighing inside, I finally spoke. "What's wrong with it?"
"I don't know. All my icons are gone."
"Gone?"
"Yeah, there should be outlook express, and all my emails."
"Why don't you run a search?"
"Oh. how do you do that?"

Oh boy. She was totally windows illiterate. Just my luck. Sighing to myself again, I got up to "see what was wrong". I tried to explain how to use 'find', so I could be rid of this. Blank stare. "What it is you want to find?" I asked. "Outlook." So I entered that, and ran the search, carefully trying to act like I didn't already know where all her stuff was beforehand. I found the files, opened the folder, and was ready to be rid of this ridiculous backfire. She spoke again.
"Can you put it back?"
"You just have to move the icons back to the desktop."
"You fix it, and i'll get you a pop."

Brief confusion, then I realized: she was buying me a pop for my troubles. The irony which had been depressing was now laughable. I was getting a free pop for fixing an extremely easy to solve problem which I had created in the first place. I had a smile on my face for the rest of the day.

I enjoyed that pop. I really did. Does crime pay after all?

Prologue: As a standard, i think a lot of online journals (aka "I went for a sandwich then cried 'cause my boyfriend didn't call as much as he should blah blah blah") serve no purpose except to put the author at ease. I hope my entries are a little more interesting, but if they aren't, they'll put me at ease at least. I just felt this was too personal for Philosophy.

"Lets see what this button does..."

I confess I'm finding it much harder nowadays to mean what I say. Somehow it feels forced in some way. Deep down in my soul (pardon the cliche), dishonesty plagues me. Almost as though something is broken. The connection between my mind, and my life, separated constantly by a wall of faded glass, broken only by moments of insight, or rage. Anger makes me feel alive in some way. The need for descruction consumes me. Normally it passes. I try to vent it safely when I can. I suppose I should be worried about the future. But I'm not.

Allow me to put it another way. It's like a game.

It's like I'm playing the world like a computer game, mildly interested in the results. A conversation with a terminator: something is said, and a list of possible responses appears. A choice is made based on experimentation, and the results are observed. Only it's more than that, I know it is.

If i had the power to remake the world... Stimulus, response. That's my world. Predefined with variation in form. The creativity of a photograph, the perfected and balanced dimentions of chess. Right or wrong choices, and a sense of belonging.

In the real world, all of these are delusions of contentment.

Am I closed like Cathcart, trapped in a world where everything is either a black eye or a feather in my cap? I still feel there is more; Like my mind, and the minds of those around all of us can be expanded, and that leaps of realization are possible when all the pieces fall into place.