Mindy's journal

Cancer... I hate that word. WE first encountered cancer almost a year ago when my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer. We fought that battle it was long and hard but in the end we won. WE thought that we had cancer beat.

But now here we are again and that ugly word has popped up again into our lives. This time they may have found it in her lungs.

Cancer strikes when you least expect it and it has a way of destroying your life. My mother is strong and a fighter, but cancer or even the prospect of having cancer is slowly eating away at her will power to live. The surgery or lung biopsy which she faces will be one of her toughest battles yet. The hard thing is that no one can help her fight that battle she has to do it on her own. We can be on the sideline cheering her on but in the end it is up to her.

The biopsy is only to know for sure wether it is truly cancer in her lungs or not, but it is a very dangerious surgery. They have to break her ribs, collapse her lungs, the risk of dying is very high. And then if you survive the surgery you still have to get past the risks of infection, complications, etc. And this is all just to find out if it is cancer or not.

If they do find after the biopsy that it is cancer then my mom is most likely going to die, and I haven't even begun to think how I am yet going to face that reality. The only thing I can do at this point is take things one at a time and keep on living. What is ironic about all of this is the fact that I am not even the one with cancer. It is my mom. I can't even imagine what she is going thru when I feel this much agony and pain just thinking about it.

Whoever reads all of this thank you. These are the thoughts and views of a loving daughter whose mother is fighting the hardest battle... cancer.

There are only 24 hours in a day. That is just not enough time to get done everything that must be accomplished. Therefore you have to sort through all of your priorties each and every day and weed out what you can't get done. I find it so exhausting to do this day in and day out.

I have so many things to balance within my life as does everyone. There is always something within my life that is out of balance. Some of the major things I have to balance inlcude:work, school, homework, sleeping, eating, friends, boyfriend, time to devote to God, etc and so on. The list could go on indefiently.

The sad thing I find is that in the end my time normally goes to attending school, my boyfriend, sleeping, eating. And then the rest fit in here and there if I ever even get to them.

My social life is an absolute zlich. I do homework here and there. I need to work more but can't seem to fit in the time to look for a better job.

Overall I have come to the conclusion that life is just a pain in the butt that we have to put up with.

For whoever reads this I apologize for my ranting, but I am sitting here at my desk attempting to do homework and this is what is on my mind instead. So I thought I would journal a bit and see if that would help any so I could get more focused. Anway I will let you know if it works or not.
Lata,
Mindy <><

College is so stressful. I am now in my second year of college and I am just feeling so overwhelmed.

I failed my first exam ever last week in my first upper level divison course. And for those who know my parents you know how crazy they are about "perfect" grades. When I told my parents what I got they went blastic. It makes me wonder if I am college material.

I knew that this test would be harder then what I was used to not only because it is a upper level divison course but also because the professor is just extremely difficult. Therefore I studied my butt off for it, went to bed early the night before all of the "good test taking" skills that people always tell you.

At the moment I am taking a break from my current regime of studying just to take a little breather. WEll back to work. If anyone has any advice I am more then welcome to it. Lata.

I am watching the Grammy's as I write this. My life is so hectic that I am just now getting to watch it on tape. What I am amazed to find is how many mistakes that happened. Like the mike problems, people not knowing when they are on camera, etc. I find this rather interesting because supposdly they were not going to do a direct feed instead they were going to do this thing where if something happened they could bleep it out or something like that. O well.. the Grammy's are always fun.

January 5, 2004
Well it appears again it has been forever since I last put an entry in. It is really early in the morning as I type this, in fact it is three in the morning. I really should be sleeping but all I seem to be able to do is lie in bed wide awake. Too many things on my mind I suppose. Christmas break has been really nice this year. I got to spend tons of time with Mark (my boyfriend).

To catch up I had a really nice Christmas. Mark and I went crazy on each other and bought each other tons of stuff, but Mark defiently beat me. Some of the biggest gifts I recieved was my new desk and bookshelf, which have now with the help of Ray (Marks dad), Dick (my step-dad), and Mark are put together. It is really nice to have my room all rearranged.

So I am off to a good start on the New Year. Hopefully this year will be a good one. As I look back over 2003 I really see that I changed alot within that year. I also grew a ton, in many differnt ways. My relationships grew and matured, the way I look at my future dramatically changed. I no longer feel like I always have to have everything "mapped" out. Also with my Mom having breast cancer and everything that went with that really changed the way I viewed my family and our bonds with one another. I pray for a cancer-free year this year, with much happiness and accomplishment. So here is to a New Year!

Well I really should be getting to bed, because I have to wake early tomorrom. I am going to Marks school with him to help him sort some stuff out. I {luckily} don't have to go back to school until this Friday so I have a few days left of break. Well Happy New Year to you all. God bless.
~Mindy~ <><

October 28,2003
Man it has been forever since I last posted. Sorry bout that. Life just keeps you so busy that I can't even find the time anymore to sit down and put an entry in my journal.

Anyway, let's see what has been going on in Mindy's world? Well... so far so good with my Mom as far as we know she is still cancer free so that is good news. My little sister just turned 18 on October 21st that was a big day for her.

I just had a great weekend. I went to the "BAJA" which is this place in IN that my aunt and uncle own. There are great hunting woods, and a four-wheeling track. Alot of my extended family came for the weekend so we had fun catching up and just spending time with one another. I went hunting (kind of) for the first time ever but it mainly consisted of getting up really really early and sitting in a tree stand. We didn't see any wild animals at all unless you count the few birds we saw in the sky. But it was worth it to watch the sun rise and just spend some time in nature it was alot of fun.

At the moment I am procrastinating doing my mound of homework that I have. It seems as though it just keeps piling up. I can't seem to get caught up.

Medically wise I have been having some trouble with my stomach. I am not sure what is wrong but I guess I will find out on Thursday when I go into the doctor.

Let's see what else has been going on...OH! Mark bought his first car ever in early October and then also lost his first car ever when his tire blew and he lost control, totaling the car. So now he is back at square one working on saving enough money again to get another car.

Well I think that is about it...I have to get back to work on homework that I have been letting go. Lata.
~Mindy~ <><