Mindy's journal

May 21,2003
Again I am sorry my posts have been so far apart. There were times when I would post more than once a day. Life has just been keeping me extremely busy. The funny thing is when I was in school I seemed to have more time on my hands then I do now, when I am out of school.

Part of it I am sure is due to the fact that my family life is so stressed and hectic. My mom is going through the emotional stages of having cancer, and dealing with it, along with the rest of my family. Also I just started working part-time again at Kholes, and in there I am trying to fit social time, and time with Mark.

There are so many things I want to do, so many people I want to devote time to. And the sensible thing to do would be to set priorties, but the problem with that is the fact that so many of my priorties are criss crossed. I don't know if that makes any senes or not. But it is so hard to place value or priority on the things you care most about.

Anyway I just happened to find a few moments and so I decided to post. I want to post again soon, so much has been going on that I would love to share. Till then. Lata.
~Mindy~ <><

May 16,2003
Sorry again, I know it has been awhile since I last posted. But with everything going on in my life at the moment I have not had a single second to sit down in front of the computer. It is rather funny because normally the computer is almsot my life, I communicate mainly through e-mail, I chat with friends all the time on aim. And posting has been my main way to let all my friends know what is going on in my life. But let me see if I can catch up a little.

So far my Nana has come to visit, this Saturday my oldest cousin Brittany is getting married, so my entire extended family is basically going to be in town.

Last night was the opening night of Les Miserables at MHS. And so my family went to see my sister, and both my mother and I have also been actively participating in preparing for the show. My mom trained the two young children who play the roles of young Cossette and Gavrosh, and I have been trying to help as much as I can (with the limited time I do have) in costuming and makeup. I wish I could have given more time but lately I just don't have much time. Anyway back to the musical, their opening night went very well, it is so impressive what all they have done in such a short period of time.

This musical is one of my favorites of all time. It always brings tears to my eyes. Anway sorry this post is kind of short but again I gotta run and help my Nana. Lata.
Mindy

May 14,2003
Well the news came and it wasn't good. My mom does have breast cancer. Right now things are really hectic. So far this is what is going on in my life.

*My sister is in a major high school musical of Les Miserabes.
*My family is dealing with the fact that my mom has breast cancer.
*My extended family is all coming into town for my oldest cousins wedding.
*And life goes on around me as normal, therefore all the day to day stuff.

<br>Meanwhile I feel as though I am going to go crazy. But at the same time dealing with everything in an unusal calm. We will see. I will continue to update and journal when I can.

<br>Sorry it has been so long since my last journal entry...almsot a week, but I just have not had the time. I will post lata.
Mindy.

*Yesterday my mom had went to the hopsital and had her biopsy. I went with her and the wait took forever. I never realized how boring and long it can be when you are sitting in a hospital waiting room, just waiting for news. Anyways the news wasn't as good as we hoped. The surgeon told us from the preliminary tests it looks as though she does have breast cancer. But we won't be 100% sure until Monday.

*This is the thing, I am not worried in the matter of I think she won't make it through this, or I think she is going to die. I just know that if it is cancer it is going to be a really long and hard battle, that is going to be very hard to travel. I am not sure I am ready for this.

*Also I had made the choice that I would be strong and supportive through all of this, but yesterday when my grandparents were having trouble staying strong, and my mom was crying, I almost broke down too. It is so hard to stay strong when your own parents aren't.

*Well today my little sister is going to prom for the first time and she just got back to the house from getting her hair and nails done. So I got to go. But I will finish my post later.
~Mindy

~I can't tell you how happy I am. Yesterday I got my final grades from school, I recieved 3 A-s, and 1 B. I was overjoyed. I couldn't believe I pulled it off. I mean I worked hard, but I know I could have had a little less stress toward the end if I had done what I needed to do all semester.

My parents were pretty happy too which was nice. It is always nice to know that someone is proud of you.

To celebrate Mark took me out for lunch and we got pizza. Mark is so good to me, and he just makes me so happy. I love spending time with him, getting to know him, it is just one of those awsome things in my life. Love is defiently a good thing. Hehe. I know this all sounds weird but if you knew more about my life you would know what I was talking about. Love had not always been that much of a good thing. But anyways.

For the first time in a really long time I got to just sit down and read for enjoyment. I spent hours yesterday just reading. It is just so enjoyable and relaxing. It takes me to places I never dreamed of, I feel as though I am part of the story, the characters lives are my life, I experience every adventure, every heart ache. Reading is another wonderful part of life.

Man these pop-up ads keeping appearing they are really starting to aggravate me.

Well I gotta get going and get some stuff done today.
*Mindy <><

*Crying...it releases so much emotion, so much. I needed a good cry tonight, I got a little out anyway. Why is it when everything is suppose to be getting better does everything get worse. Why can't happiness be an ok thing? I really want to know.

*Why am I pulled, why can't everything just be ok? I am so worn, I don't know where to go, who to turn to, what to do. What is right and what is wrong? Where do obligations lie?

*These are the questions I am pondering. Does anyone know the answers? I sure wish I had them. Yet, even if I did it probably would not solve anything, there never seems to be a solution. You just exist for the longest time, and then all of a sudden it just becomes too much and you don't know what to do.

*Hmmm....I am sure I will find the answer sometime or another I guess. Until then I will continue to breathe in and out, my heart will beat, and I will exisit. Am I living, well I guess that depends on what your definition of life is. Clinically yes, I am alive, and I will be until the day that
God feels I have completed the purpose He put me on this earth for. But am I truly alive? A question I ask myself each and every morning. Sometimes the answer is yes, other times a maybe. I have never reached a point where I don't feel alive, or have some hope. I pray I never see that day where all hope is lost.

*On a postive note, I don't think I ever will, I have too many friends to keep me from that point. Too many people I know I can turn to in time of need. But most of all I do know that I always have God by my side to help me get through whatever storm has come my way. He will keep me anchored until the storm has passed over.
~Mindy~