POWF's journal

I don't want to offend or upset anyone in any shape or form but I need to get something off my chest. I have a real problem with visiting graves. When I walk up to one, instead of thinking of the person as how they were I just imagine their rotting body. It gets me so sick that I have to walk away. I would much rather stay home and remember a person for how they were, not stand over there once inhabited bodies.

Even with animals. Recently my pup Indy died and we buried him in the backyard. I cannot even walk up to the grave without thinking of his decaying body and wanting to throw up. The feeling is so overwhelming that I avoid it all together. Sometimes it even feels more intense then the greif I feel.

I'm not looking for advice or any of that. Its just a feeling I have that I want to release and writing it down makes it more palatable for me.

I'm moving to Montauk for the summer!!!!! Just had to share that. +100 degrees, stinky garbage and smog...orrr...literally living on the ocean everyday. It was a hard decision. Where I'll be living has no TV/Internet, which is a little disturbing, but I'll make do. As long as I avoid the EVIL HAMPTONS I'll live to tell you guys about my summer.

So I began my new job in a new place. And not just any new place, one of the most daunting places I can think of, New York City. Its quite bizarre, going from suburbia to city living. You know that feeling you get (for me it occurs on my way to the train station) that you would rather just go home and curl up in your bed? I never experienced that feeling...of extreame home-sickness. And it only occurs as I'm getting where I need to be. Once I get where-ever (the apartment, work, the drug store that I've been wandering around for 10 mins looking for) it all dissapears.

As I'm sitting in the apartment write now I can hear the chaos outside. The traffic, the construction work, the subway rumble underneath me. I look through the barred windows and I can see a into the "backyard", which is really just a slab of concreat...but in the corner is a garden pot filled with bloomed daisys and tulips. Now if I concentrate I can hear the little birds outside as they eat the feed put out for them. And if I focus in on the flowers I can pretend for a second I'm back at home. Sitting in the hammock, hair salty from swimming in the ocean and smelling the fresh air surrounding me.

I geuss I can consider Earth my home. Or this universe. That way I can feel at home everywhere. That makes me feel a little better. Its funny, when you are somewhere you don't really want to be you can think of a million things you would rather be doing at home. But once you get there, you don't do any of them.

Enough rambling. Time to catch the 6.

So I've been going down to the beach alot lately and I've come back with pictures. I remember awhile ago a NAO member asked me to post pictures of the dunes with snow on them. Well, being that I have the memory of an elephant I went and did that today: )

That is the path I run down from.

These are the broken stairs that I used to use. They lead right up to the end of my road.

The next couple of photos were taken the other day during the sunrise.

These are some pictures of my chocolate lab Indy.

Its amazing where life will grow.

This stray cat's tail had me hysterically laughing for 5 minutes.

Me, my brother Paulie and cousin Catherine.

Impeach him then throw him in the garbage. My backyard by the way.

So yea, thats what I have been doing for the past couple of days. Next is the woods.

This post was edited by POWF on Mar 23, 2007.

Its past midnight and I'm feverishly reading random posts. Hehe. Oh yea and if anyone wants to know some more about me go here:

http://nicoley.zaadz.com
Its another one of my fave communities.

G'nite :)

So its been 4 years since I've been on this site. Reading my past posts makes me smile and cringe. At the time when I was posting alot I was at a werid point in life (although every point in life is weird, haha.) From what I can gather, I was working at a yucky office job and in a yucky loveless relationship. I was angry alot of the time and my posts DEF reflect that. I geuss you can say I'm a little older and wiser ;)

Since then I have gotten out of the relationship from hell (6 years later), totally got out of the rat race and evolved into what I am now.

I went to school for two years to become a Massage Therapist and I'm happy to say that I PASSED MY NEW YORK STATE BOARDS. I'm moving to Manhatten (I currently reside on eastern Long Island) June 1st to begin working. I've already got a place to stay in Greenwich Village until I can get my own which is pretty damn awesome. Considering its about 1500 bux for a studio apartment who knows when I'll have my own place. Hopefully by Sept.

As of right this second I work at a tiny healthfood store in my town and I travel to people's houses to practice Thai Massage. Thats basically "lazy man's yoga". Its done on the floor with a mat. I pull and push people unto various yoga posistions. I love it, its truly my passion.

In the fall I'll be attending Yoga Teachers Training in Manhatten.

Life is good. I'm learning to sit back and let it happen. I can't wait to start reading Netalive and see what its evolved into over the past four years.

~Namaste~