baffled's journal

My house is owned by a fat cat land lord. I discovered this as soon as I moved in. My room has a leak and because I live with a bunch of idiots like myself. Guys. We haven't managed to work out how to use the central heating yet. It's been 3 weeks! My clothes never dry. I woke up one morning and it was so cold I could see the vapour while I exhaled. I used to be very susceptible to cold but I think this house has cured that now, I'm immunised to it. It's odd that most people I've spoken to in University have come down with some sort of flu but I've remained in good health. Minus the hangovers.

The living room is basically a basement. No light gets down there and there's a strange odour that lingers that can't be conquered. I'm used to it now, but visitors aren't. We've got a spare room that needs to be filled because my friend failed his first year, reason being; he drank constantly. What a guy he was, he had very small hands and rosey cheeks. His diet consisted of beer and rustler burgers. A student came to see the vacant room, he had yellow teeth, extremely yellow teeth and he waved his documents in-front of his nose and told me the house smelt. Geez.

The kitchen has a freezer that has a door that always falls off, the washing machine leaks as much as the refrigerator and there is only one toilet that's on the first floor. I unfortunately live on the 4th floor. We've got bedroom doors that lock effortlessly that has caused us many embarrassments. I spent the first couple of nights on the floor. I was so drunk I thought it would be funny to shave my pubes off and put them in my mates room. I locked my self out in the process and then I had the cheek to ask him if I could I have a blanket and a pillow to sleep on his bedroom floor.

My room mates are friends from the first year apart from one, the new guy, hes incredibly quiet. I've tried to involve him with our night outs and what not. I tried bounding with him through massive amounts of alcohol consumption. I passed out on the kitchen floor. That didn't help. But he seems happy anyway despite his quiet persona. My other housemate Arthur hasn't spent a night in his room yet. Hes completely, madly, insanely in love with his girlfriend, she doesn't like our house so neither does he. It's not a bad thing to be in love, not at all. I'm quite envious of such a thing. My last roommate John, is very comical. A pleasure to be around.

Oh yeah and there are 7 year old hoodlums that gather around our streets. Dam those pesky kids. I'm sure one of them did a poo on our doorstep either that or a dog. My money is on the children.
There's a bottle of vodka called Glen that keeps mocking us as well. He tells me to drink him most days, he also said he'd make that exam paper and nasty people in the street disappear. Neither did. Dam him and his sweet whispers.

This house is certainly not worth it's price. Squatters have lived in better conditions.

This post was edited by baffled on Nov 13, 2005.

Everyday I feel this sort of pain inside of me. It's not a physical pain but an emotional one. I don't know why it's there. I feel like crying and some days I feel like dying. My life is ok. I've got loving parents, friends that think the world of me but the pain remains. Sometimes it disappears but only for a little while. It always returns. I look at my life and I think there isn't much wrong with it. Things seemed to be going where I want it to be. But I'm still not satisfied. There is a part of me that longs for something. And I dont know what. It bewilders me to see how others can be happy. If I don't feel like destroying myself and everything around me I don't feel at all. Maybe I need some sort of drug; Prozac, cocaine or cannabis. I've exhausted alcohol. To me, Life is either boring or painful. I'm not living but merely waiting.

This post was edited by baffled on Nov 13, 2005.

A couple of weeks ago I had a sort of a one night stand, or you could say I pulled an incredible easy girl. I wasn't expecting sex but I got it anyway. Poor me. I haven't slept with many women I've only recently threw away some of my religious beliefs.

I fall for girls too easily. And this was definitely the wrong girl to fall for, but I went and did it anyway. I met up with her twice again and that terrible thing happened again I just had sex with her. I've been waiting for the right girl to come into my life for sometime. But instead I get a woman cold hearted hussy. Or maybe I'm being hyper sensitive or maybe women are just insane. Ive heard the latter comment more often than not.

Anyway I spoke to her few times when I was actually sober. That has become a rarity these days. I took an online alcoholic test and it told me to get help. I think it was just teasing me. She seemed ill confident in the day. I asked if she was shy she and she said sometimes. Certainly not in bed that's for sure. She seemed to blank me another day. I was extremely shocked I almost stopped in disbelief. Shes far lower to my usual standard of women and i expected her to fall in love with me. So I gave her text. The usually worthless comments, How are you? Been upto much? She didn't reply. That ice queen.

I feel like Nately in catch 22. I have feelings for a heartless hooker.

This post was edited by baffled on Nov 17, 2005.