broken_dreamer's journal

Life has a funny way of working, doesn't it? Just when you think everything is just peachy...

BOOM!

It all blows up in your face.

Well, I'm tired of your crap, life. Leave me alone already.

No, really, I shouldn't complain. There are so many things life has blessed me with. With blessing comes burden; they tend to go hand-in-hand. In times like these, we just must remember the good things that have come and the ones to come in the future.

Never give up.

Never lose hope.

Life is too short for regrets and living in self-pity. I'm guilty of this myself, but I'm trying really hard to change. Life isn't worth living in sorrow.

When you're at the bottom, the only way to look is up.

From "Let Me Fall (From Cirque De Soleil)"

Let me fall
Let me climb
There's a moment when fear
And dreams must collide

Someone I am
Is waiting for courage
The one I want
The one I will become
Will catch me

This post was edited by broken_dreamer on Jul 02, 2005.

In the process of coming to terms with who I am, I have discovered that I must learn to accept both the good and the bad. Namely, the fact that I need to quit trying to fix things I can't fix. Things are only getting worse. Sometimes, you must just let go of your foolish pride and get professional judgement. It's going to be difficult, but the bumpy road will hopefuly lead me to happiness. Tomorrow will begin the first day on my long journey on that road. I'm nervous and scared, but I'm as ready as I'll ever be.

This would be so much easier if someone understood me.

I really should be in bed. I have to be at work in 5 hours. Yay! Not. It's too bad the Starbucks nearby doesn't open until 6:00. I'm not a fan of coffee, but I'm sure I could find something there to pick me up a bit. I suppose it won't be too bad, though. There won't be any customers in there for a good three hours, so I'll have time to wake up and maybe even act a little crazy with the other two women that will be there with me. Ha..

I had an interesting conversation with a friend of my mom's today. Well, really it was this morning at about 1:30 (she's the one I went to the bar with). She asked me all sorts of questions during the 2 hour total commute. One that she asked was if I remember any dreams I've had. the only ones I can remember vivdly are so depressing and strange that I don't believe I'll post them here, but trust me, it turned out to be an interesting conversation.

I finally found some sparks for a new poem. It's been so long, I quite literally jumped for joy when it occured. Right now, it's pretty much just a jumbled mess, but I'm still adding to it. I plan to post it on here to get some feedback once I re-work it a bit. You have no idea how excited I am about this. Really. I just hope my excitement pays off.

I promise to work harder at this journal. I've just been so out of it lately. I guess the lack of sleep isn't helping much. Maybe one day, I can make this worth reading.

My title has nothing to do with this entry. Just a warning.

I just got home from a bar. Hah. Me...at a bar. What a sight. I smell like an ash tray. Fun stuff.

Anyway, a friend of my mom's has a son who is the lead singer of a band called the Counterclockwisemen or something to that nature. He's a few years older than me, and her only child and she really wants him to hook up. I bet you can see where this is going.... Not only does she want him to get a girl, marry her, and have children, (she REALLY wants grandkids), but she wants that girl to be me. Hahaha. Wow. She's been begging me for weeks to at least meet him so I finally gave into her wishes. His band was playing tonight in Murfreesboro and she asked me to drive her down there. They were actually quite good. I think they've been struggling with lyrics, though, seeing as several of there songs lacked them all together. But overall, they're pretty good. My ears are still ringing a bit, but I'll recover. For you MySpacers out there, I believe they're considering getting an account set up there soon.

I went into work today, but I was taken off the schedule. It was quite confusing. Then, I noticed that I was down to come in at 6:00 am tomorrow. (Well, technically today now...) I almost had a heart attack for a couple of reasons. 1. I knew I would be out really late tonight. 2. I told them when I got the job I could work any time they needed me except before 1:00 pm on Sundays. Yes, because of church. I don't get to go much while I'm at school because I'm rarely home and the churches there are...let's just say, not for me. So, I'm making it a point to go every week while I'm on summer break. Anyway... she fixed it and I got to work today, and I don't have to go in until 1:00. However, I still have to go in at 5:45 Monday morning and 7:00 Tuesday morning. Joy.

Okay, Rachel's very tired and so shall end this enlightening experience. Hah...

Good night!

This post was edited by broken_dreamer on Jun 27, 2005.

First off, I would like to apologize for the last entry I made. It was short, boring and pointless. I was just not having the best of days yesterday.

So, here I am, pouring out my thoughts for your enjoyment or boredom. I won't say all of my thoughts will be here, but here goes nothing..

Lately, I've been having a lot of trouble with my writing. For those who don't know, I am an English major with the dream of someday becoming a novelist and/or poet. Of course, my work is in it's beginning stages and could use much improvement. But in order to improve my writing, I must first write. However, I have become "stuck" and every attempt I have made at writing in the last month or so has failed miserably. I've lost the only outlet I had, at least for the moment, and I'm not sure what to do.

In other news, family life is good one moment and then bad the next. I changed quite a bit when I went off to college, and doing so made me realize how bad of a person I was before. I'm not saying I was the most terrible person to ever walk the face of the planet, or that I'm perfect now. But... my family has anger issues and as much as I didn't want myself to be that way, I was. Being away from all the constant arguing made me realize that it was all silly and uncalled for. I'm trying to set examples, and I think it's beginning to work. We'll see...

That's all for now, for I must go and do things for my mother.

Good day to all.

A friend told me about this site last night. After looking around some, I decided to join and here I am.

Today was...okay. Not the best day, not the worst.

Yup. That's about it right now. I don't have much of a life as of late.