eljefe's journal

I'm proud to admit I'm a music junkie. See, I just love music. Music is my world. I listen to it all the time (winamp is my most used application :P), I play the trumpet, am planning on picking up the guitar over the summer, and just generally love all forms of music (except for Rap and Country... just can't get into Country's whiny style, and rap doesn't seem to take skill to make... just 10 minutes in fruityloops, that plus I prefer nice solos on guitars and other instruments, and I don't like to hear songs about gangstas and pimpen').

My friend (who, in my opinion, has EXCELLENT taste in music) will send me from time to time music over AIM. And when I hear it, almost all the time I fall in love and am like MORE MORE MORE.

Recently he sent me Guns N' Roses' "Sweet Child o Mine", and now i'm getting "Civil War" from him. He got me hooked on just about all the rock bands I love from Megadeth, to Pantera, to Blue Oyster Cult (some I found on my own like Chicago, Santana, Queen, Godsmack, The Seatbelts [they are the band that did the music for the anime 4 part "Blue Sub #6"] i believe is the name, and others).

I'm a hopeless case, addicted to music. No amount of rehab can wane me off of it, and I frequently try and pass what music I have found on to other less exposed souls.

Now to find some Boston stuff (yes, sadly, I havn't listened to them yet) and some Blood Sweat and Tears (which my Dad has). Maybe I'll see why my Dad likes Toto so much...

I'm kinda in a daze this morning (10:06 am right now). I have a friend that I noticed hadn't been to class the entire week, then on Friday I overhear some people talking about how sick she is (sick as in mentally, and I don't mean sick like is a pedophile, more like sick as in has the flu). I then log on to deviantART, and read her journal, and find out that she attempted suicide several times this week, and is back on her anti-depressant and has resumed sessions with her counselor.

To hear this scares the bejesus out of me. She isn't one of those girls that dies her hair black or red and wears the hot topic wardrobe, she just seems like a regular girl with a massive amount of intelligence (she's technically classified as a junior, and takes junior level classes, though because of her age, she gets grouped with the sophmores). She helped me alot by listening to my petty problems, and I really want to help her, but how much help she wants is up to her. I want to say this comes as a surprise, but I know she has a history of depression, but from how she acted, I thought she conquered it. You know what they say, assumptions are the mother of all f***ups.

This just... I don't know what I'd do if she ever left. She said in her deviantART journal that she's finished trying, and knows suicide is not the answer, but I know that in moments of contemplated suicide, thinking is not rational nor logical (if it was, you wouldn't be in that position anyways, would you?). I just don't want to see her go. She's beena great friend, and the first (and you can kinda say the only) friend I've ever really opened up to, and unfortunately I don't think I've been a great listener. So, here, where all you can see, I make a vow to shut the f*** up and listen. All you here can hold me accountable to that vow.

[edit] By the way, I'll wait a while then poste the url to her deviantART page if you'd like.

This post was edited by eljefe on Feb 28, 2004.