harold_maude's journal

It's almost 6 pm. And I'm wiped out and exausted. I found something the other day in an article that I thought was interesting. The definitions of terrorism and activism.
It struck me that both were geared for policial control.
It's too late of course to do anything about Bush getting his hands on 4 more years of control in this country.
But what I find rather sad about the whole deal is that what all his actions have done is tear this country apart.

It's divided the american people. And as this article stated as long as the people remain divided there is little change that will really take place.

How true. A group of people who can't agree have no power to accomplish anything. We remain vurnable to anything. And when you think about things that way, then we are in a very scary place.

What I've found is that there are basicly three views of things, the rightwingers, the leftwingers and the apathetic.
The overload feeding to the american people of mindless crap through the tv, and the obsession with possession of things that are designed and engeneered to become obsolete, has made the apathetic the largest group in this country. People don't give a rat's left foot, about anything but their next self indulgent activity.

So much for americans being strong. What's on the next reality based half hour is far more compelling than the idea that no person who says he loves his country as much as the dude in the white house would have ever done the things that the bushman has done to this land and it's people.

Today in his "I won" speach he adressed thoes who voted against him and said he wanted our support and would prove himself to us. I have this to say to the bushman, you will never have my support. You've shown me that you have so little respect for life that you were willing to sell out the american soliders for oil.
All evidence of other countries being more of a threat to the us and you doing nothing about their having nucular weapons and the stupidity to use them tells me that this stupid war wasn't about terrorism, but about money and oil.

So now that you won, you can go back to going on vacation and let the guy who's paranoid hatered of anyone who isn't us talk you in to sending thousands of people into a war that is going to end up looking like viet namn, go back to running the country.

I know there are people who disagree with what I've just said, but ya know what? I don't care if you disagree with me or not.
I don't care if you read this and think I've lost my mind and what kind of american doesn't support the president?

I'm the kind of american who loves this country, but hates what's been done to it and the people who have lost loved ones fighting in a war that should have never taken place.

911 happened. It was two years before anything remotely related was done. There are still people who lost people in the towers who are waiting for some kind of justice for thier loss.
I doubt there will ever be any. Because this isn't about getting the terrorists, it's about money. It's about power. It's about keeping this country divided so we're easier to control.

...united we stand...divided we fall....every stinkin time.

I hate nights like this. Where I'm so exausted but end up waking up because my dreams are too loud.

I hope the next couple of days that I have off are better.
I said something last night that I wish I haddn't.
It was an absent minded comment about something someone was wearing as part of their costume.
From what came out of my mouth, they thought I found it something I liked.
I didn't. I didn't tell them that I thought their costume sucked and it was in bad taste.

It really did. I like halloween in some aspects. I like the idea of costumes and dressing up. But there are some aspects of how far people will go that I don't like.
But I don't have to live in their shoes.
I'm very thankful for that.

I'm thinking I should go upstairs and paint for a while.
I have to get up early and take kevin into work. I know I'm not gonna get any more sleep tonight, and I have a feeling the next two days off are gonna be shitty because of it.

Oh well. That's life I guess. Chunks of time that feel like shit and all I wanna do is go on a very long vacation.

In the insterest of the day, I would like to take a moment and reflect on this time of year...namely daylight savings time.

It's an annual event to which we are subject to and it throws everything out of wack for a few days while the adjustment is made to getting up an hour earlier, something that someone invented somewhere.

I don't know who it was, but to them I would like to say this:
it sucks.
The old dead guys that were here a long time ago didn't change their work times just because the days got shorter. They just moved with the seasonal changes and continued what they were already doing. Getting the harvest in, or at least the last of it and getting things ready for winter.

No big deal, but this...man, what a mess. If you have to get up early for work anyway, this messes with how long you get to sleep.
If your used to going to bed around 10 or 11 or even later, when you try to do it earlier and your not sleepy, by the time you finally do fall asleep you get less than last night.

I know the logic behind doing the daylight savings thing, it adjusts our work and school days to the sun.
But tell that to a mom who is dealing with trying to get an infant on a feeding schedual so she can finally get some sleep.

And what about the person who goes to work at 3 or 4 am? This all is so sucky.
I'm protesting.
I know by next weekend it won't matter, we will all have done this change the clock thing and our sleep habits will fall in line, but it's stupid.

I'm done compalining now.

I'm trying to get some semblance of order to my life these days.
A routine that is flexable and will make the best use of the time before me.

I've discovered the need for things that I don't have to rely on anyone else for.
Depending on people to do their part in making something work is not always so depenable.

The job I have has driven that point home. Several times last week things came up at the last minuet and I ended up having to do something someone else was suppose to do. Needless to say the work I had to get done, didn't get done completely.
The first time it happened it didn't bother me too much, but when it kept happening, I started getting angry because I was put in a possition that I shouldn't have been.

I know I'm not the only person out there who has had this experience. It's maddening when it happens because it creates unnessary stress and messes with the day big time.

So as a result I've decited that in my own life I need things that I don't have to depend on anyone else for.

I think it will help give me a feeling of some kind of security that has been lacking for a while.

I found out when I took this job that the expectations that came with it were extreemly high, and I've worked hard to not only meet the expectations but exceed them.
I have come to the conculsion that if things keep happening the way they have been and I'm doing everything I can to make things be what their suppose to be, and nothing changes, then I need to find a new job.

I've been told that I'm the first person in a very long time who has held this possition that actually cares what happens and is actually doing somthing to effect change.
What I'm running into is apathy, on several key people's part.
That is a nasty monster to try to conquor. It's kind of like trying to raise up a dead horse.

I also found out that no one wants the job I have because it requires so much in a very short amount of time. After being here for just a little while, and running into the problems I have I can understand why no one wants the job.

A few days ago I talked to a couple of people who had this job before me and they spent most of their time angry and frustrated and finally gave up and walked away from it.
At the present time I believe I have what it takes to make the nessessary changes so that it will be different, but as I've discovered, I can only do so much. And I know that's what's led to the realization I need things in my personal life that are dependant on me doing them. At least I know I can count on me to do them.
It will help with the stress and take away some of the feeling of madness that goes with this job.

I hope I'm right about this. I would hate to go bald from this job. I don't have a perfectly round head so me with no hair would look pretty funny.

It's a couple hours after sunset and the cats are kissing up because they want to come in where it's warm.
I can't say that I blame them. Dark. Cold. Not so good.

I know that they can see in the dark better than I can even if I had binoculars but that's no reason to think they have an easier time of it outside than I would.
Well, yes there is a matter of their fur. That would definately make it easier staying outside at night.

If I had fur I might consider it. But I don't so it makes it nessasary for me to stay in a warm climate on these cold and growing colder nights.

I'm in a particular strange mood at the moment and since I don't want to watch some guy puking his guts up on the movie up stairs, I've come down to write strings of disconnected thoughts.
One more brave moment in the day. Still haven't located the chicken....wonder where it's gone off to.

ah no matter, it's in no danger of ending up as the main course on the dinner menu some night. I'm not into eating animals that I've spent time with. It just wouldn't be right.

Random thoughts....I can hear the movie upstairs and it's a messed up conglomeration of strange disjointed moments that make some sense after you watch the thing several times.
Kind of like 2001. A movie that makes no sense, it does if you've waded through the explainations that have been offered as to the part with the strange melting colors that come only after the computer has gone wonkie and decited to do away with every human in the place.

It's more like a mad dream in places that keep coming back in the after math of a long night of drinking.
The day after: not remembering much, with a raging hangover it makes one wonder what drives sane people to pay to get that way.
But as most people who drink to that drunken of a state, the idea of paying to get that way wasn't something high on their list of priorities when they began drinking.
Only aiming for the brass ring of being shit faced.

....go to work, come home, get drunk go to bed....get up, go to work, come home, get drunk, go to bed.
The continuous cycle of the ambitious who are bored out of their minds.

If I was a drinking woman I would have been drunk several hours ago, as things have happened since I wrote about the chicken this morning and I would love to take a sledge hammer to the rest of the day.
But I don't drink that often and when I do, I set out to get drunk which by the time I'm even half way close I want to puke my guts out.
Not a good thing when that blissful state of everything looks better when your drunk is something your aiming for and can't seem to get there.
Not that I don't feel it after one or two shots, but I'm talking the kind of drunken state where if someone beats the crap out of you, you never feel a thing. The true anastesia of the drug that's legal.

I've tried, with fervant ambition to get there. I used to be able to get there with little or no effort.
Ah the good old days, where it was easy to make the bed spin, and try to escape the madness that comes the next day in the form of a raging hang over, by staying up all night, or at least trying to.
Hopeing that it would work.

I don't know what happened. Maybe I'm too in control and feel too responsible to do that anymore.

I would like to get drunk tonight. That kind of drunk. But even if I could I have to work in the morning and it sucks working and trying to do a list of tasks when all you want to do is stay in bed.
So much for an easy escape from how I feel. So much for not feeling this crap. I hope it will be gone in the morning.
If not it will be just as bad as a hang over only I will have no reasonable excuse as to why I feel so shitty.

About a week ago the lone chicken we have here made an attempt to take a trip and see something more than farm life.
It got up into the back end of the truck that belongs to one of the guys here and hid out.

Since this chicken is a free ranger, and is not kept in a pen or barn, the fact that it goes somewhere sometimes and we can't find it, made what happened possible.

I think sometimes the chicken goes into the trees and plots the take over of the farm. It's a tough little bird and will take on any cat or dog for that matter when food is up for grabs.

Anyway, the chicken, which was now hiding out, ended up being taken to work. When Mic, the guy who owns the truck, got to work, he didn't notice the extra passanger.

He works at the local harley shop, so that's where the chicken ended up. She wasn't taken notice of until someone who stopped to buy parts saw something strange running around between the bikes and cars.

I'm not sure if they chased her inside the shop, but Mic's dog oreo, got wind of the chicken and decited to go do some investigation.

I'm sure the chicken was intent in contuing her adventure, but ended up being captured and securly locked up in the back of the truck in a box.

A couple of days later, the chicken, now a traveler of sorts, decited that she wanted to escape again.
She hid out again in the back of Mic's truck and ended up going several hours down south of here.
I think she's got itchy feet or feathers.

Again she was discovered and made the trip back ok. I haven't seen her for a couple of days. I wonder if she escaped again or is just hiding out plotting again.

She's a pretty strange bird, but then everything out here is pretty strange so her taking off didn't really surprise me.
We had possums that were so laid back that they were hanging out with the other chickens, when we had them, and the cats and never bothered any of them.
From what I've been told about possums, that's not normal for a possum to not be agressive.
This farm seems to have that effect on both animals and people who come here.
We had a rooster named Betty who would kung foo certian people and why no one ever figured out.
Some people he was ok with, and he never beat any of the cats up but there were some people he would kung foo.
I think some wandering animal got him and the rest of the chickens except our traveling chicken.

We've watched the chicken and she thinks she's a cat. I've seen her laying on her side grooming her feathers, like a cat does when it's sunning itself. I've also seen her rolling in the dirt like a cat does. I know she has seen oreo get up into the truck, and this chicken being who she is followed suit.

She is one weird bird. We haven't named her yet, but several ideas have come up, like betty too, and super cat, and dog, all of which I'm sure she would take too.
Oh yeah, on occasion when we call kitty kitty, she's the first one to show up.

I hope she hasn't gone somewhere, I would really miss her. She's such a strange catbird.