harold_maude's journal

Saturday morning

# 46468

It always happens. On the days that I have off I wake up before the alarm would go off on the days I work.

So here it is Saturday morning and I'm thinking about going back to bed and taking a nap for a while.

The last test for the class was yesterday and then there is the final on monday and then we graduate. Personally I find the whole thing rather silly.

The idea of spending three weeks on constant over load of stuff that it's impossible to remember and only at the end do they start getting into how to use any of it to do the job seems rather pointless.
Nothing about this company makes much sense anyway. It hasn't since the first day I started there doing the other job associated with this company.

From my perspective and others who have observed the same thing there isn't alot of sense to any of it.
Kind of like getting hired on at the circus and spending a few weeks before in an office talking about odd things about the circus and then told now your able to do the job at the circus you were hired for.

Silly stuff anyway.

Rude People

# 46467

I really, really find rude people leave a disgusting taste in the mouth and make me want to puke on them.

I could go into details but it's enough to note that I've got a list at this point that is getting longer and longer by the day.

There is this one woman who with each passing day gets higher and higher on the rude people list.
I can't understand it either. Why it's nessiary for a person to believe they are better than other people, and walk around with their nose in the air all day.
This is literally sometimes. It's a good thing she is as short as she is other wise the whole world could see her boogers she's got it so high up in the air.

I finally decited after being around this woman for a few months, I worked at the same place she did before this job started, that I really don't like anything about her.
She reminds me too much of the arrogant snobs that give all women a bad name.

I'm related to one of these same types who I have spent years wondering if she will ever become a human.
I wonder the same about this chick.

I have met many women who are like this and it makes me wish that I could pre-screen who I'm going to work with.
These types of women irritate the crap out of me because it's all so pointless.
At the same time it's scary because I could be just like them.

So I tend to treat them like an infection. I don't want to be like that so I tend to stear clear of them.

IT's only Tuesday

# 46460

It's Tuesday night and I dread going back to work tomorrow. Dread here refers to the on going condition I find myself in of not getting it, and more and more and more crap being piled on top of everything.

We are told that the people who are there to help are there to help. I need help but they just let me wade through most of the time. On occasion one will come up to me and ask me how I'm doing and finally I looked at one of them and said immagine yourself in a tub of speghetti along with several alien things in there too.

I smiled at her and she just shook her head and walked away. This has all made me feel very, very stupid.

I am alone there. Occasionally someone will talk to me, but it's rare. I accepted a long time ago that I was alone, this just aguments it all.
Again I am reminded that the only reason I am on this planet is when someone needs something.
Other than that I don't exist. I am invisible completely.


# 46455

It's Saturday morning. It's raining again and it's also the first of my two days off.
I'm watching the people in the class I'm in fall apart bit by bit.

This whole thing is like getting beat up all week and then getting two days to recover before it starts all over again.
It's nightmearish in it's nature.
But at least I started using the techniques I know to deal with the level of stress generated by this whole journey.

There is this one girl who I worked with at the last job who for what ever reason thinks she's entitled to special previlages and found out she isn't. She's not a real happy camper about things.

There are several people who are beginning to understand that the rules will not be bent and it's a good bet that they won't be there for a long time.

There is a point system in place as well as a write up system.
Several of the people in the class have recieved write up's already as well as points. Durring the class if a person hits three points they are gone, and durring their time at this job both in class and after if they get seven write ups they are gone.

For being what it is, and what it pays, the rules are stringent.
The company this job is under contract for is horrible to work for. Seriously horrible. This job is a contractual job so the requirements for all of this come from the contract.

I don't know if I will survive the job, or make so many mistakes that I'll loose the job. So every day is a we will see day for me.
The rules are easy enough to follow so that's not a problem.
But the job it's self is another matter entirely.

There is a test every week and that seems crazy too because how can you take a test if your just being introduced to things in rapid fire and expect to remember any of it.

The same stuff taught in a normal class type setting would be taught over a couple of years time. Here they cram it into your head and expect you to remember.
Once out on the floor I've heard that most of what is "taught" in the class is never used.

Madness persists.


# 46454

What is learning? Is it being exposed to something once along with a half a second explaination and then your told you've learned it?

I say that's bulshit. That isn't learning. That's being introduced to it, and then to learn it you have to take time to try to understand or make some kind of connection to it in order for it to stick.

With somethings you have to approach it with a Mary Poppins attitude. A spoonfull of sugar makes it go down.
It's the teachers job to make it fun.

Some people should never be teachers. They have no concept of taking something and being able to make their students excited about what it is that's being taught.

Other teachers should be cloned. There are some teachers who can make mud the most glorious thing on the planet.

This training class that I've been taking is the along the lines of my first statement.
Nothing is sticking and so even though it's open book it means nothing and trying to remember terms is pointless, because I don't remember them either.

Since all the stuff they have to "teach" us has to be crammed into roughly 3 weeks and that in it's self is stupid, they might as well idiot proof it like they do at McDonalds.

So either I spend time with this stuff outside the class time so I can actually learn it, or I take on the mind set of what sticks will and what doesn't won't.

Scream once for service

# 46453

Well, I took the test for the first week and got the lowest score in the class.
Needless to say I am pissed.

IT was open book, use of the computer and access to all the notes that I took and I still got the lowest score in the class.

I want to scream. Nothing is sticking in my head. I'm surprised that I can remember my name at this point.

And there is no one I can talk to and have them be ok with me needing to cry and scream.
That freaks people out when I do that.

And the next three weeks are going to be more of the same. The shitty part about all of this is that almost all this crap has nothing to do with the job.

I really want to find the person who designed this class and stab them a few dozen times in the heart.
What a waste of time and what a waste of energy.

This is the second training class I've been in that is pointless, but in order to work the job they require the clown dance.
Can you say brain dead?

Because that's what I am. Brain dead. All the way home I kept thinking what am I good for? I can't remember anything.
The only time people want to be around me is when they want something from me.
I don't know what other kind of job to apply for. I fucked my body up for food service and all I really want to do is go find some weed and get so loaded that cutting my body to shreds wouldn't hurt so much....

....deep sigh...

There is something to be said for saying how you feel and being completely honest, knowing at the same time that your still rational enough not to follow through with something that would end you up in a place worse than were you are.

I wish someone would tell me that I have value and actually mean it because they can see it.
I need some serious tlc and a long vacation before my mind blows up.

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