havananights's journal

Dear Netalive,

Thank you for allowing me to release all this built up stress that life sometimes hands me. Thank you for allowing me to illustrate my talents and draw from my personal creativity. Thank you for showing me different sides to the story from these skilled NAOers out there. My enjoyment is immense from meeting all the Bunk's, Ricanpunkbabe's, wizz's, Mcclausey's, R_pendragon's, Gentledeepwater's, Simon18's, Majic's, and all the other individuals that continue to give Crayola Crayon colors to my life. Thank you for allowing me to understand more completely the vast differences in points of view from all across the world. I look at this site and find satisfaction in all cultures coming together and sharing pieces of their life's pie. Thank you for incorporating a system where we may all improve and hone our own skills, and grasp an appreciation for each NAOers own experiences. We all offer a shoulder of words to lean on when difficult times tend to lean on us, no matter the country or generation the support is strong.
Until my next post,
Thanks again.
Havananights

This post was edited by havananights on Aug 27, 2004.

I guess I have reached a junction in my life where all of a sudden my motivation decided to pack up and leave. My current situation reminds me of a movie with Kevin Spacey named American Beauty. The part that I totally relate to is where he asks the drive thru lady if they are hiring. She replies, no management positions, only hiring for front counter. He says something to the affect of "Great I am looking for the position with the least amount of responsibility." If you haven't seen American Beauty, I highly recommend it.
Anyway, back to my story. I believe my lack of motivation all started close to a year ago, around November to be exact. I am talking about my motivation to succeed in a career. I am still young, turned 23 today. Yet I feel burned out. I exploded into the adult world at 18. Moved out and started in the sales business all at the same time. See many people viewed me as the next to do nothing with my life. I was looked at as a nobody. That gave me the extra boost to prove everyone wrong. Now at 23, I feel worn down. I am like an old lawn mower that needs to be primed three or four times before I will start. Then I run rough for a couple of minutes. I accumulated many material items throughout my five years in the sales business. Bought a house, purchased countless cars, and furnished my home with my financial successes. Still I am emotionally tired. I quit in November and after a few failed attempts with other avenues, I finally took a position and a huge pay cut in the labor field.
I learned the tire industry. For eleven hours a day, six days a week, I manually lifted cars and trucks, changed out and balanced tires. I never imagined the difficulty of this field. I always prided myself in my fitness regimen and in how hard I worked. This position is intense. Depending on the day, in those eleven hours of work, there might be fifteen to thirty minutes total in break/lunch time. After two weeks my left wrist wore completely out. See, mounting tires is not easy by all means. You have to use your wrists and hands to assist in mounting a tire on a rim/wheel. Then there is dismounting a tire and that can also be a chore. Now imagine this as repetitive work all day every day. As a result of my wrist problems, I labor with my bench presses on that side of my hand. The other day, I asked a guy I work with named Donnie if he has troubles with his wrists. By the way Donnie is probably 6 foot 3 and about 220-240 pounds, not a little guy by any means. He told me he developed carpel tunnel from the tire business. I thought, at least I am not alone. I didn't want to think that I was a weakling or chump.
Then after working for two or three weeks my left knee started to give me full time fits. See all we do as tire techs is change out tires. All day we bend down, take off and put wheels back on vehicles. This is on everything from little Kia's all the way up to full size trucks with lift kits and 40 size tires. In my short time there I have dealt with box trucks, RVs, off roaders, everything except tractor trailers. Keep in mind; we do not have automatic vehicle lifters. We work with only manual car jacks.
Now I am thinking about getting back into the sales business. My motivation is still somewhat rusty. I wonder if this is something to do with age, or did I do too much to prove I am going to be a success. I hold a fear of being a failure in life, and after holding this heavy weight for so long I am growing weary.

This post was edited by havananights on Aug 26, 2004.

I learned a valuable lesson in this past week. Since I went through a rough couple of days financially, physically, and emotionally, I played the victim's role. You know the role where everything today, this week, month or year is all going against you. This week, I suffered what goes wrong will go wrong type of moments.

Then I talked with a close friend who lives in Florida. He elaborated on the events he personally witnessed. Telling me parts of the state were literally Missing In Action. I watched a little of the news, read some in the papers, and saw pictures on the internet about this devastating hurricane. Yet, when someone who experiences this horrid storm first hand, paints vivid pictures about trucks hitting buildings and entire communities vanishing, the first hand story telling commands my complete attention. People, in all frankness lost EVERYTHING except their lives, and some were not as lucky. After my conversations with him I realized a very important lesson that I continue to learn:

No matter how hard or bad you think you have it, there is someone else out that has it worse than you.

This time it clicked. I know I will appreciate that phrase the next time I try to feel sorry for myself.

This post was edited by havananights on Aug 17, 2004.

Dear Dumb Ass,
I wanted to write and sincerely thank you for continually parking your friend's vehicles so close to my garage, that the result is my life being a tad bit more stressed. I would knock on your door. No that is a lie; I would just knock out your teeth. You've done this for so long that now I think you do it on purpose.
Obviously you know that we both live in condominiums, and all our garages are in the rear of the units. I wonder how you possibly miss the numerous letters that state; 'Parking IS NOT allowed in the car port area, violators will be towed. Visitors park on the street.' Maybe it is because your parents pay all the bills for your rich ass. Or you skipped the day at school where they taught everyone how to read. Whatever the reason, you still block my garage. No lessons for me on maneuverability now, because I practice avoiding your friend's vehicles almost every single morning and evening. My patience is wearing extremely thin. I work six days a week, and my position is totally physical. I am tired when I come home. My tolerance for this particular issue is about to expire. I look forward to kicking your ass.
You know nothing about me, so let do the honor and enlighten you. I came from a rough background and for years my escape was prizefight training. Basically, I have a Degree in Ass Kicking, and it looks like you might be next contestant on Who Gets A Beat Down. What kind of inconsiderate prick am I dealing with here? Are you that oblivious in knowing other people live in the condominium units next to you? Or are you blinded by your overly worn ME fragrance?
Well, tell you what I am going to do if this continues and our property management company doesn't correct the little retarded neighbor. I will first park my vehicle in front of your garage. How do you feel about that punk? Oh and yeah, if you touch my car, I will skip counting to ten, and just kick your ignorant ass. Next, if you continue to block my garage after my first lesson…Well I will resort to a primal state and open I big fat can of Whoop Ass..Believe me I will save enough and bring my friends if your associates want some too. My buddy’s thoroughly enjoy these moments if in fact this personal one occurs. Yes, let the truth be told, I will savor it also.
Until then Dumb Ass,
Your Frustrated Neighbor

This post was edited by havananights on Jul 28, 2004.

Where do I start?
I rekindled an old flame about three weeks ago. What can I say? She is so irresistible, I find myself weak in her presence. My mind races and I stay up late thinking of new ideas, thinking of her. I possess a serious infatuation, a deep lust for her. Maybe this is the real thing. Could it be? With previous woman, I grew tired of the games, but she never offered me any games or hoops to jump through. She patiently waited for me to come around. Oh man, what an intense rush.
Hold on!
Slow down Havananights.
I knew her well, quite some time ago. I often caught myself spending many hours at a time with her. My mind seized, and then we dissipated. I dabbled with her attention on occasion, nothing lengthy. I usually left when the free flowing attention came to a block. Now, I cannot describe the overall enjoyment or release I feel when we are together. I yearn to take this relationship to another level, and start a new chapter. I believe I am mature enough to handle this kind of commitment, this kind of responsibility...Yes; yes I am ready to spend my life with her. I sense a future is in the works for the both of us. She listens to every word I spill out, and when I finish, I feel refreshed. Rejuvenated! My lust for her is stronger than ever. I cannot wait to see her again tomorrow.......HER NAME IS WRITING

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This post was edited by havananights on Dec 29, 2005.