hells_angel's journal

What a week I have had so far. I went shopping with my mom a few days before I had to go to my aunts house. We did some grocery shopping and I did my own form of shopping. We went to wal-mart. I had to get a few things. Well I will catch you up to speed on what has been going on with me.

Saturday I had to babysit for my step brother. I babysat from 7 p.m. until 9 p.m. When my step brother got back with my mom we all had a few beers and were bullshitting until 1 a.m. I never got home until 2 a.m.

Sunday I had to rush out of bed and get ready to go to my aunts house with my grandfather. 10 minuets is all it took me to get ready. I was so bored at my aunts house. My cousin is only 10 years old and she is a spoiled little bitch who gets what ever she wants whenever she wants. My mom said that next year we don't have to go to my aunts house for easter if we don't want to. I am telling you right now I don't want to. My cousin and my uncle's family are all so stuck up. I am going to college and I am not even worth talking to according to them. Well fuck them and the cars they came in on. When I graduate from college and I own my own magazine company and rake in the money then maybe I will be good enough to talk to according to them. But in the mean time fuck them. By the time I am good enough for them to talk to I won't have anything to say to them not that I do now.

Monday I dealt with my brothers all day. I had to put up with their friends. Some of their friends really get on my nerves. They are stupid low life stoners.

Tuesday my brothers went to school and came home. I still had to put up with their friends.

Today went to go get my photo i.d. no luck. I forgot all my proofs of identification at home. It's ok. I'll get it done when I'm home in May.

I am thinking about going back in the morning. I am not sure. I don't know if I am ready to go back and deal with Sara. I still wanna kick her ass for calling me and leaving those fucked up messages on my answering machine. I still want to hurt my ex-roommate. I'll get over it. I have to finish my papers yet. I'll be ok.

The only reason I didn't post anything in a while was for the fact that my computer at home is a peice of shit. But I couldnn't stand not posting anything. This is keeping me sane. Well this and talking to my mom and listening to music. I'm not talking about that pop music stuff. I'm talking about classic alternative rock. You know bands like sublime, nirvana, blind mellon, collective soul, third eye blind, 311, alanis morrisette, everclear, ect.

I am going to take this time to recall a few things my mom told me when I was home last month.

I found out my brother Tim is getting a car for his high school graduation. I would like to stress this point. I did not get a car when I graduated from high school. It might have helped if I did, because then I could just go home when I want to and I could pack my room up and not have to drag my mom or my brother with me.

I know one thing is for sure, I have to work harder than my brother to get what I want just for the soul fact that I am a woman.

Racism still exsist, but I think that people need to understand it is no long just the black and white issue. It trans-genders, bi-sexuals, gays, lesbains, and people who are different.

Woman still have to work harder than a man just to be considered equal. It's not fair that a woman has to work harder than a man just to get reconition. I will tell you right now, I know some amazing women who do more than any man has ever done.

My mother worked from the time she was a senior in high school all the way up until now. My mother worked while she was pregnant with me. She also maintained proper order in the house, you know the routine, dusting, running the sweeper, ect. My biological father didn't do a damn thing to help out I think.

My aunt went to college and worked while she was in college. She is now working in Pittsburgh making a lot of money. My grandmother (rest in peace) went to college, helped take care of her family when she was growing up, she also taught, and raised a family of her own while being a diabetic.

The fact is men do not know the strength and determination of a woman. Women are still struggling to make ends meet and put food on the table.

There is one thing I need to get off of my chest though. My grandmother died before I was born.

I would love to see a woman run for president and win.

I am not saying that men are not good for anything, it's just that men need to reconize that women are just as good as they are at something.

In the words of my friend Kayla "Men are only good for dick and half the time they aint good for that." That is just her opinion though. Men are good for other things but, we won't go there because I don't feel like it.

p.s. Men don't be offended by what this post says it's just how I feel right now.

This song elaborates on how I feel about Dre right now. Yep we had another fight. Don't sound surprized.

Fallin'
Alica Keys

i keep on fallin'
in and out of love with you
sometimes i love you
sometimes you make me blue
sometimes i feel good
at times i feel used
Loving you darlin'
makes me so confused

i keep on fallin'
in and out of love with you
i never loved someone
the way that i'm loving you

oh, oh, i never felt this way
how do you give me so much pleasure
and cause me so much pain
just when i think
i've taken more than woulda fool
i start fallin' back in love with you

i keep on fallin'
in and out of love with you
i never loved someone
the way that i'm loving you
Oh Baby
i, i, i, i'm fallin'
i, i, i, i'm fallin'
fallin'

i keep on fallin'
in and out of love with you
i never loved someone
the way that i love you

i'm fallin'
in and out of love with you
i never loved someone
the way that i love you

i'm fallin'
in and out of love with you
i never loved someone
the way that i love you

what?

I got in a fight with Dre last night. It was around this time last night too. I hung up the phone on him. He said he's sick of arguing with me. But somehow he always knows how to make me smile, yet make me feel bad.

I think maybe this time the fight was my fault. But I'm not tellin him that. I want him to appologize for saying that if anything would have happend to me on the date I was suposed to have it would have been my fault because I was only talking to the guy for a month.

We didn't patch things up yet. I probably wont either. We just made things worse. I made the mistake of telling him I got his answering machine message. I was in the bathroom when he called. Oh well. Ok so I wasn't exactly in the bathroom but I was close to it. I think.

It's ok. If I don't get online after class today and he doesn't call me I'll know. I'll know like I knew last night that he didn't care.

Maybe I just think he doesn't care. I mean let's look at the facts. He has a girlfriend, he's gonna marry her. Yep just as I thought he doesn't care.

I could have had him as a boyfriend, if I wouldn't have hooked up with that guy then break it off because he didn't call me or anything. Oh well my mistake. It's all done. I'm just gonna walk away from him, if he doesn't let me, I'll run.

Where to start. Alright there isn't much of a story here but hey, I think it's worth writing about. I almost lost my cool today at lunch when I caught my ex-roommate staring at me. I almost said, "Bitch do you have a fucking staring problem?" but thankfully I realized where I was and I just started playing with my hair.

I just get so irritated easily when I don't get that much sleep. Besides the fact that daylight savings time started and I had to bump my clock ahead an hour, I didn't get back from Liz's room until 4 in the morning; 5 in the morning daylight savings time. I didn't change my clock a head an hour until 4:02 regular time. Then it went to 5:02.

Ok but seriously I started falling asleep and this chick that lives above me desided to jump around and stuff last night. To which my broom came out and I pounded on my ceiling . I wasn't putting up with with that last night, because I was tired.

Which brings me to this point. I almost did slap my ex-roommate at dinner. I was gonna trip her and watch her fall on her flat non-exsistant butt, I wanted to see if she would bounce back up on her hips or not.

I am losing my cool though, because I made the slight mistake of almost and I am stressing almost letting her know that I was annoyed. I played it off smart though. I just kept on playing with my hair and playing with my earrings.

Oh yeah I got my second wholes in my ear done on Friday. It's alright. It didn't hurt that bad. I know I will sleep well tonight.

I was up late last night. I went with Sara to Liz's room after dinner last night. We watched "Barber Shop", "The Kings of Comedy" and "The Brothers". Let me tell you Shemar Moore can sleep in my bed. I know he is roughly 14 years older than me but he doesn't look it.

Oh let me stop before I go into a daydream. Although there is this really fine caramel complected man that is sitting diagonal from me. He is so cute!! I wish I would have taken a little time today to fix my hair and other stuff. I should have ran a brush through my hair before I came over to the library with Heather. Oh well, I'll remember that next time.

I have a minor fixation on men today. I love caramel complected guys. Ok ok I'm also a sucker for a milk chocolate complected guy too. Not that I am saying that I only date black men, because in all honesty I only dated one or two.

I dated guys in my own race before but I'm telling you from my experience they don't know how to treat a woman. Then again I am not saying that about all of them.

It's just that the guys that I dated didn't know how to treat a woman and well I just want a guy who is going to be there for me, and support me when I have a bad day or when I think I can't go on and do what I have to do. If it sounds selfish let me know. I just seriously want a guy who can respect me for me, love me for me, and not be afraid to let everyone know that he loves me. Again if this is too selfish let me know.