hells_angel's journal

Lately I have been going with this withdrawl phase. I find that I don't want to do things that I like to do. I haven't talked to Dre much as of lately. The last time we really talked was on Sunday. I wasn't in my room last night until about 3 in the morning. I mean it's not that I don't miss talking to Dre its just that I miss him so much and I can't talk to him because I have my own issues I have to deal with right now.

I miss Dre. I just wish I was normal again. God I hate p.m.s. (pre menstral syndrome), why can't men go through the same bullshit that we women have to. I hate this time of the month. I'm not kidding either. I hate it because I get bloated, I get breakouts! I wish I could be like some of them lucky bitches who don't break out during p.m.s.

I either eat all the time while I'm p.m.sing or I don't eat. Why are men so damn special that they don't have to bleed once a month and have kids? I would like to know. My ex-boyfriends hid when I had my period when we were together. I did not want to go anywhere.

It was so bad the one month, my boyfriend at the time, tried to get me to go to the drug store with him, I almost killed him from where I sat. I should have went to the drug store, but I didn't because I was under strict orders from my mom that I was not allowd to get up and go anywhere, I had to keep my feet propped up and elevated.

I am not looking forward to this weekend.

I called public saftey last night and told them about the prank phone calls I have been getting. This situation is so beyond f***ed up I don't know what to think or do. I mean I know my ex-roommate doesn't like me but when you don't like someone don't you do what you have to do so you can avoid them. Not my ex-roommate she calls me and pretends to be a guy. She talks to me online, pretending to be a guy. I feel so stupid cuz I believed her. She was so convincing as a guy. I only got myself to blame somewhat because of the fact that I gave her my number.

If I would have went on that date on Saturday and that guy would have been real....I could have been raped, or killed, and all because my ex-roommate doesn't have a life.

If she has a life she doesn't have much of one because all she does is try to torment me. She has an unnatural fixation with me. She is working a little bit to hard to make me feel miserable, and the sad thing is it's not working. I just vent about it then feel better. It works for me. I started writing a story about it so I could get my mind off of how sick she is.

It just proves that you can't trust anyone. I never thought she was capible of something like this. I should have went with my gut instints about her. I thought she was stuck up and fake. Who knew I was right. I didn't know. The thing is I'm sort of sick of being right about things like this. I would just like to say that I was wrong so I could write it off as a case of paranoia.

It is kind of cool to have gut instints like that but sometimes I just wish it was a little more normal and not so much weird.

I went home this weekend. My mother and I talked. I told her everything that was going on with my ex-roommate and myself. I told my mother that I was scared because of all the links and trouble my ex-roommate went through to just talk to me and get my new phone number. It's just really creepy how she did all this shit and I can't wait until next year when she is not here. I am taking this to public safety and seeing what they can do.

I am trying my best to hold up and not beat the shit out of her but there are times where I get so tempted to then I have to remind myself that she is not worth my time.

Well all my issues with my ex-roommate have subsided for right now. But in all honesty I needed to take all day to think about what my friend Liz told me last night. Let me tell you this is possibily the best news of my life at college. Ok well its not the best news I have heard but let me tell you this, this news made me feel better than I have in days.

My exroommate is starting a bunch of bullshit with her new roommate, not only that she is pulling the same stunts on her new roommate that she did on me and 2 other girls she went as far as to tell the girl what she was and was not allowd to do.

People like my ex-roommate do not need roommates they need to be left alone to laugh at. I know it sounds cruel but you have to understand, this bitch has money constantly, she tries to run everyone's life that she is friends with and I tell you this from first hand experience.

I am not going to lie to you, my ex-roommate and I were really good friends, I would never say best friends, because my best friend is at home she is graduating from high school this year and I am very proud of her. We used to hang out and do things together all the time. But what got on my nerves was when my other friends would want me to do something wtih them and I had to cancell because Michelle (my ex-roommate) would go belistic if I ditched her for plans that I already had.

It got worse when I moved in with her. I wasn't alowd to go to parties, and when she found out that I went to a sorority bid party she flipped out. She came out and told me I was not alowd to join. I was so upset about it because t was something I really wanted to do. I am 19 years and and she was running my life. She justified her actions with her "I'm itallian, perfect, and I'm a sophmore while you are a freshmen." I may be a freshmen but my friends and some people that I don't know thought I was a sophmore and she was a freshmen. I act a hell of a lot more mature than she does.

But I got my solace when I moved out and moved into my own room. I have the freedom of coming and going as I please. I can stay up as late as I want to. I don't have to answer to anyone.

I will say this right here, I give the girl that is living with my ex-roommate a hell of a lot of credit for living with her because I only made it 11 weeks. And this girl is going to try to stick it out with my exroommate until the end of the semester. That will be 15 weeks. I just hope the girl can handle it because she is in for a long, bumpy ride that is going to get worse.

You know its really funny how my ex-roommate doesn't talk to our mutual friends when I'm around. But yes I am leavin that topic alone for now. I talked to Brandon today. He's single and I'm single and everyone I know is single and you know what I'm glad. No matter what anyone says the single life is the most fun you will ever have. You won't have to worry about a man ruining your moment.

I think for the first time in my 19 years of existance I am ready to let go of everything and just scream fuck you to every and all who have pissed me off in the past. And I would give all the people that said I wasn't going to make anything out of my life and I wasn't even going to make it to college I would give them an extra special slap in the face and a special fuck you from you to me.

I just want to release all this pain I have been feeling since I was a kid on up 'til now. I just want to be able to look in the mirror for once and say I am gonna be alright.

You know whats funny. When you get out of high school and you start at college you see all these guys that you went to high school with and they start talking to you like they were your friends since high school. But let me tell you something, when I was in high school I had very few friends, I wasn't popular but I wasn't a nerd either, I was just there. It's funny how when you go to college and these guys that you went to high school with talk to you, but it was just last year when some of them guys said I was a bitch. I took at them now and I can't feel anger towards them. I just laugh cuz it took them til now to realize that I am as bad as they made me out to be. Is it because I stood my ground and got a few fights because I let it be known what I believed.

I can tell you this much. When you are in high school, people in my graduating class found reason's not to like me. I didn't listen to the same type of music as they did. I didn't dress the same way they did. I love this one tshirt my friend has it says it best "You laugh at me because I am different, I laugh at you because you are all the same" When you are popular in high school you have no real friends, you just have a real close aquantances with their own agenda's.

Heaven- Brian Adams

Oh - thinkin' about all our younger years
There was only you and me
We were young and wild and free

Now nothin' can take you away from me
We've been down that road before
But that's over now
You keep me comin' back for more
Baby you're all that I want
When you're lyin' here in my arms
I'm findin' it hard to believe
We're in heaven

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

Oh - once in your life you find someone
Who will turn your world around
Bring you up when you're feelin' down

Ya - nothin' could change what you mean to me
Oh there's lots that I could say
But just hold me now
Cause our love will light the way

And love is all that I need
And I found it there in your heart
It isn't too hard to see
We're in heaven

I've bin waitin' for so long
For somethin' to arrive
For love to come along

Now our dreams are comin' true
Through the good times and the bad
Ya - I'll be standin' there by you
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I Love You Aways Forever- Donna Lewis

As I Lay Me Down- Sophie B. Hawkins

I'll Make Love to You- Boys to Men

Back At One- Brian McKnight

All My Life- Kc & Jo-Jo

Nobody- Keith Sweat

When Can I See You Again- Babyface

Wherever You Will Go- The Calling

Breathe- Lifehouse