hells_angel's journal

Follow You Down- Gin Blossoms

Did you see the sky
I think it means that we've been lost
Maybe one less time is all we need
I can't really help it if my tongue's all tied in knots
Jumping off a bridge, it's just the farthest that i've ever been
Anywhere you go, i'll follow you down
Anyplace but those i know by heart
Anywhere you go, i'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far
I know we're headed somewhere, i can see how far we've come
But still i can't remember anything
Let's not do the wrong thing and i'll swear it might be fun
It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone
Anywhere you go, i'll follow you down
Anyplace but those i know by heart
Anywhere you go, i'll follow you down
I'll follow you down, but not that far
How you gonna ever find your place
Running in an artificial pace
Are they gonna find us lying face down in the sand
So what the hell now, we've already been forever damned
Anywhere you go i'll follow you down...
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This song reminds me of me and my one friend when we were in 6th grade, cuz everywhere she went I was there. What does this song make you think of?

Did you ever have one of those days where nothing seems right? If so you are having one of my days. I woke up late this morning and I didn't make it to lunch at noon with Sara. I had to hurry up and get ready for english. This is life, one big rat race. And of course Dre called me at 2 this morning and fell asleep on the phone. I don't feel like I'm dead but the world around me right now is just a little to quiet for me. It's never this quiet, and that is why I am wondering if something is wrong.

I just had a flashback a few minuets ago. I was physically here but yet I was home. At home I was home alone and I had the stereo on, then my brothers walked in the door and they had their friends with them. That is kind of creepy.

Lately my dreams have been really messed up. I am going to have to buy a dream dictionary and dream interepreter. My dreams have a sereal quality to them, its scary. I don't know maybe I am just making to much out of my dreams. But aren't dreams the window of enlightment.

My ex-roommate is starting her shit with me again. She is a sophmore in college but she is acting like she is a pre-schooler.

The Stunts that she pulled: (starting with the most recent)

(today)
The laughing when someone says absolutely nothing funny when I am around to make it look like she is having a good time without me, but she doesn't understand that I know better. She is so desparate for friends she is hanging out with people that she would never hang around with in the first place*.
*touchy feely (Ken), Jackie, and Butters

(2 a.m. this morning)
Calling me up, knowing that I am sleeping and then not talking.

(yesterday)
Walking with a childs school bus with Charlie Brown Character Pictures taped on the bus and walk by me with them because they know that I like Charlie Brown.

(Sunday)
Putting a donut on my plate while I went up to get something to drink.

(Last Year in December)
Locking me out of our room, knowing that I didn't have a key because she found out that I was moving out because I couldnt deal with her sphycotic ass.

I know everyone is probably wondering what I did to her. Ok if the truth should be told I didn't do anything to her, all I did to her was tell her that I was moving out. I wrote her a note to which she replied. In the note she said I was immature. But you do have to understand I wrote her a note to tell her why I was moving out because I did not want to get into a fist fight with her, I wasn't afraid of losing. I was afraid I was going to kill her. You don't mess with me. Ok in the note I just stated the truth that she is a bitch. Truth hurts. She wants to say that in the end it will be me who is hurt. I'm sorry but she should look at herself she is hanging out with people that she doesn't even like. She is so damn fucking jealous that I made friends without her and that I never needed her, she needed me. She needed me to hang out with so she could feel better about herself and it all back fired on her, because I found out how fake she really was. And I am sorry but if you are fake you are ugly as hell no matter how you look on the outside. Because real beauty does not have anything to do with looks and she doesn't understand that. Physical beauty can only last for so long before you find yourself trying to hide things about yourself that you don't like. The beauty of a woman is in her eyes, because her eyes are the windows to her soul, and in the soul of my ex-roommate lays a very insecure person who is immature and she doesn't know how to make friends.

I would just like to know why it is okay for a guy to sleep with a girl and get all the glory from it but if a girl does the same then she gets labled a hoe?

As a woman, I find it disturbing that I have to work twice as hard as a man just to get reconition. I write poetry and no one will tell me how to get it published, but if I was a man I know that I would.

It just really bothers me sometimes because woman can do anything that men can do and they can do it better. I mean most men do not know how to take care of kids, if it were up to them they would drop them off at their momma's house.

I went out to go look for a job once and I didn't get the job interview because I was a woman. It really made me mad. I knew I was everything that store was looking for in a cashier and then some.

I noticed something today, the dumb little girls that are sl*ts are getting younger and younger, pretty soon they are going to be as young as 6 years old saying "b*tch get away from my boy" this doesn't leave much hope for future generations, namely by the time I have kids I am going to have work really hard to instill values and morals in my kids. When you have kids you are going to have to be an involved parent, because things seem to be happening to kids a lot sooner than what they did to us. Kids will be either be smoking weed or getting into trouble if you as a parent lose them at an early age. It is this fact alone that scares me about having kids. I will not be having kids for a long, long time.

I am only 19 now I am not rushing to sleep with some guy, get preganant and then have to drop out of college and get a job at Mc Donalds and flip burgers or take orders from old people.

I had an interesting conversation with Tosha last night. I was telling her about how my little brother, Danny, was experimenting with weed. Tosha told me her little brother is up until midnight or so on the phone with some girls. She says he's become quite the little pimp. Tosha's brother is 12. Tosha said when she ws 12 she was still fighting boys. I told Tosha when I was 12 I was taking care of things at home and I didn't concern myself with boys because I didn't have time for them.

It's just funny how things change in a matter of 7 almost 8 years. If it is really like this now, what is it going to be like in 10 years from now when I'm 29 going on 30. I think it is safe to say that when my generation gets ready to settle down and have kids they are going to have talk to their kids at a young age and tell them what sex is, and what safer sex is, they are also going to have to explain to their kids the world works and how to maintain your morals and values while most of their friends give them up at an early age to be concidered cool. I had a friend who was 16 going on 17 when she had her daughter, and all I kept on thinking about was are you going to raise a kid and take care of your sisters at the same time.

Having kids is a full time responsibility. It can either make your life happy or ruin your life if you are not careful.

I am so drained right now, I haven't been sleeping well as of late and Dre calling me drunk at 3 in the morning didn't help. It's always the same thing with him. We'll talk then he goes to bed and then I sit up and think about what we talk about. He says he wants to be there for me and make me smile but why is it I always feel bad after we talk? Maybe that quiz I took was right about me, the more I like someone the worse I feel. I need to go back to being apathetic, cuz caring drains the hell out of you.

I'm drained from school, home and my friends. Sometimes I just wonder if there isnt something more to my life that I don't know, like maybe I was meant for something else.

It is for this reason alone that I am considering taking next semester off just so I can come out of this stage.

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I am tryin to be
Everything you want me to be
But sometimes it's just to hard
I'm not perfect
Or haven't you realized that by now

This is my confession
This is my story

I feel so much
It's like I don't feel anything at all,
You want me to walk through the door with you,
But you aren't willing to wait for me,
To open up to you,
And tell you how I feel,
But you dont think I'm being real

This is my confession
This is my story

I became so drained
From caring about everyone
And everything
But myself.

It's not easy to be
I have to set the example
I'm the first one there
Always the last to leave
I have to take care of everything

I have to be
Flexible
Yet firm
I have to
Be what everybody wants me to be

I get to watch my dreams die
And watch my hope sink
While I'm stuck in this cage
Longing to be free
But I can't be free