hells_angel's journal

I don't undestand how someone can get up all in your face because of a page you made on the internet. I swear some people take the internet just a little to seriously. Ok I was on www.blackplanet.com on my page (datangelinhell) and this chick sends me a note saying that I ain't black and why am I on the planet. Of course I didn't reply to her yet because if I do, it will come out all wrong. On a more serious note though, I'm tired and I have a meeting with my acidemic advisor tomorrow at 2 in the afternoon and I'm nervous because I never talked to her before. I always talked to my other advisor and the truth is I can't talk to him about withdrawl because he is already upset with me. But the truth remains that I don't want to be here. I just want to take a semester or two off and get my mind and soul cleared then come back and finish what I started. I rush into everything. I rushed into school when I was a kid, I rushed into everything because I have this ego problem where if I don't do something right away I will never get it done. And I just want to take a year off and just find myself, then come back. Everyone says I won't want to come back but I know that I will. I want my degree. I want to be able to rub in everyone's face that I have my degree and that I am happy and making the money, when I get out of college and I go back for my high school reunion. I know it's wrong to just rub in everyone's face that I went to college because a lot of people didn't think I was going to go. But hey I want them to remember don't count out the underdog. Ok well I gots to go.

English has ended about a half an hour ago and I am in the library still debating how I am going to write my letter for english. Should I write it to Teena Brandon or her mother? Or should I write to a friend, which would allow me to expain who Teena Brandon was. But if I write it to Teena's mother it would allow me to a different direction with the letter. This letter according to my english professor will probably be the best piece of work we turn in for her because it allows us to be creative.

If I get sick I know who to blame, I'm blaming Sara for that. Last night I was getting ready to leave the library and on my way down to the first floor I ran into Sara and she wanted me to help her study for her phscology mid-term, being the good friend that I am I helped her study. After she was done studying she wanted to go to this residence hall that this guy that she likes lives at. I know the guy, I am sort of friends with him. We got in the residence hall and waited for him in the lounge for fifteen minuets. I felt so stupid.

I would like to know if anyone has ever liked someone so much that they resorted to following them and stalking them? I know personally I haven't. Sara called him a few times too this weekend. She called I had to talk to him. Lucky for me he wasn't in his room, he went out.

When you are tired and you need sleep convince yourself that sleep is more important than your friend, because if you don't your friend will talk into doing something stupid. And if anyone was there were you were remembers that you were there looking stupid; that is not good!!

I only got 4 hours of sleep this morning so naturally right now I am feeling exhausted. I tried to sleep all night last night. It didn't happen so what I might do is put a Do Not Disturb sign on my door and if anyone calls me they are going to be sacrficed to the dumpster. I am nice I know. I'm nicer when I get sleep though. I hope none of them stupid girls on my floor decide to irritate me tonight. If they do I'll be prepared, I'll just get the broom out and hit them in the heads with it. I'm surprised I didn't mess up dying my hair earlier today, I was so paranoid about that because me doing something when I'm tired it either gets severly messed up or it turns out great. My hair actually looks decent. I seen Bill tonight I didn't really pay attention to him cuz I get goofy when I'm tired and I would have said something I didn't want to say in front of him. It is not good to be me when you are tired. I laught at everything when I'm tired. Like Liz was telling me about how this chick she went to high school with is a big girl and she be wearing jeans and just a bra, and thats a big big no no if you're a big girl because I seen her pic and this chick has a big stomach and its just nasty that she dresses that way. I had to laugh of course because she is a nice girl and everything but lawd she needs to dress differently and respect her body more. You know you don't respect your body when you are sitting there wearing clothes that don't match your personality.

Today was rather interesting, I went down to CVS and bought some hair dye. I dyed my hair a lighter shade than what I normally get. I guess I am just getting sick of dying my hair red. Oh yeah before I forget, my ex-roommate left a donut on my plate, needless to say that I didn't eat it. I don't trust her. I never will be able to trust her again. She broke my trust with her a long time ago and she is not going to get it back. But yes I just thought I would say that she is desparate because she is sitting with people that I know she does not like. Whereas I sit with my friends. Tosha seen me tonight and said my name. I turned around and she came up to me and we talked for about 10 minuets. You know whats funny? You never seem to realize how much you miss talking to someone until you don't talk to them for a long time. It was really good to talk to her again. We talked about this semester and our brothers. I am glad that I went to dinner though because I wouldnt have seen Tosha if I didn't and I wouldnt have gotten to talk to Liz. I seen Bill tonight. I actually acted cool around him. I can admit to myself that he will never think of me as more than a friend. Tomorrow is starting my week of classes again. Argghhh!! It'll be ok. And if I can actually sleep tonight it will be a great start to my week. I didn't sleep that well last night. I stayed up til 7a.m. I had to wake back up at 11:30ish. It's not my idealistic time to be getting up in the morning but if I didn't I knew I was not going to get anything done today.

Has anyone ever listend to the song and the first time they listend to it they didn't like it? I'm just asking because I used to hate that song "My Immortal"-Evanessence partly because I didn't understand what the meaning of the song was. Well I finally figured out what they meant.

The Lyrics:

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
And though your still with me
I've been alone all along

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me

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I think they meant that when you have a good friend or a love and you know that they are going to leave you for some reason, you just wish that they would leave you and get it over with because it hurts to much to see them where you are. It also hurts to be in the places that you two used to be together because you can sense that part of them is still with you when you are there.