hells_angel's journal

Some people are really strange you know that. It doesn't matter how many times this one guy comes by the apartment to look for my brother cuz my brother always says he's not home...well you'd think the guy would give up.

The guy creeps me and my bro's out. In a way I think that my bro should just tell the guy "hey listen you creep me out and i don't have what your looking for and guess what i probably never will. bye."

Anyways I left my brother at home and decided to come here. I'm just chilling until about 9 when I can call woody, yes I am that bored. I have a few questions for her anyways.

I got dragged out of bed at 12:30 today. I think that's the earliest I've been up in a while. Of course I never fell asleep until after 6:30 this morning. I think I should just pick a day and stay up all day and night just until I can get my sleeping patern back on track. I know I am going to have to do so when I go back to school so I don't get tempted to sleep all day away like I did last year. I think that was my problem when I was in school my heart wasn't in it. I knew things were messed up at home and I thought I should be there. Maybe I wanted this to happen. I don't know. Maybe I just needed to see that things are always going to be messed up at home and there is nothing I can do about it. Maybe I needed to see it to realize that I don't want the type of life that my mom has.

I just ran into Jess today. She wants me to transfer to D.B.C. but honestly I don't know. I probably should just so I can get a taste of college life again. I just found out that my grades weren't to good last spring. That's another class I am going to have to re-take. It wasn't the professor it was just that I was going through a lot of bullshit with my ex-roommate. I probably wrote about on here, I don't remember and I don't feel like reading all the journal entries just yet. But I will sometime. All I know is that I am gonna try to get back to school this fall and work on everything. If it means I am going to have to retake my comm class, english class, computer class, and hold off on the math and music class I will. I just want to get those 3 out of the way first. I figure if I hit those 3 classes first and hit them hard they'll pull up my qpa and gpa. Witch in turn will pull up my qualifications for finacle aide. :) Hullaluiah! or however you spell it. Yes I am happy that I have a game plan. No bars just study and study some more and if I have some free time on the weekend or the end of the nights I'll do something with Liz if she's free to do something. My fall semester has to go well so I probably won't screw off this year and if things are in line for the spring I will get the math class in. The music class is going to wait until the summer. And then I should be home free after this year. I hope.

I should look up some poetry contest and some other stuff. That's the only way I know I can get some money. Then again I don't know if anything I write is that good or not. I think what I need to do is dig deep inside myself and find the inspiration I once had when I was depressed, not that I am depressed right now. I don't know what I am anymore. I mean lately I have been so tired lately that I don't have any form of energy and I don't have any normal sleeping paterns anymore and I know I need to work on that before I go back to school. I think what I am gonna do is just set myself to go to bed at midnight and wake up at 8 am. Or go to bed at 1 am and wake up at 9am it just depends on how I schedule my classes. I don't wanna sleep all the time like I did when I was in school. If I wasn't in class or I didn't have a class I slept. I don't care what anybody says but I think when you're in college sleep can be a form of self destruction.

When I go back to school I am not going to do anything self destructive. No bars, and no boyfriends. But that's not to say I won't have a life. I will. The key is time managament.

For example :

1 am: go to bed
9am: get up and get a shower
9:30am: get dressed and ready for class
9:45am: eat breakfast (if I get a fridge)
10am: study(review) for my up coming class
11am: class
12p.m.: grab lunch and study(review) for class
1pm: class
2pm: study(review)
3pm: class
4pm: do homework
5pm: grab dinner with Liz
7pm: work out
8pm: finish homework and study
10pm: watch a movie or chill online same difference

it's a work in progress I don't know how I am going to schedule my classes but that is how I would like to do it.

Oh yeah I might not be able to get my writing class in the fall...my bad that one will have to come in the spring...ok the math class will go in that place and then I'll re-do the writing class in the spring. Ok I think I got a work of how I want to do it.

That schedule is a rough idea of how I want it to work, but it will probably change. So here's to having idea's and planning...

I have been patiently waiting for my Uncle to call me back for a few days now and if I don't hear anything by the weekend I'll call him again. I know I didn't ask him for anything while I was in college or in high school and he didn't get me anything when I went to college so I don't see what the big deal is about him co-signing my stupid loan so I can go back to college and pick up the pieces I left there.

I don't know anymore all I know is I want to get out of Ridgway and go somewhere else. A different state/ city wherever. I know once I graduate from college I'm getting out of PA and going somewhere away from here.

I know this is going to sound stupid. I pulled a prank yesterday and got caught. Well I promised that I wouldn't do it again. Actually I kinda think it's cool I mean it really did make me open up my eyes and see that the path I was going down wasn't going to lead me anywhere anyways. I'm so glad my lil bro gets a kick out of it. I already told him not to tell mom. I told him I would tell her on my own when I'm ready. He knows I will. Normally if I f*ck up I tell her about it. Lucky for me she wasn't home. All I'm gonna do is just avoid the place and focus on what I have to do. Cuz I was being really self destructive anyways. It seemed like to me everytime I did something to help me out I would mess it up by doing something that wouldn't do anything for me. Like drinking and getting high with my bro. My bro's ho of a girlfriend better not talk cuz she got caught before and now that I think about it I should have thrown that in her face. Oh well I didn't. So I guess that makes me the better person right.

Actually it's still pretty light outside I might go for a walk after this and then go home and do what I have to do. But I think first am I gonna see if I can get rid of some of the books in my book bag and see if they will take them. I'm at the library and I don't see why they wouldn't. Oh well. Tomorrow I'm going to call Clarion and talk to them about ... well everything from housing to scheduling to well everything. That is if my uncle ever calls. Which I am hoping he does cuz he's the only person I know who can help me out with this.

For it being Friday the 13th things aren't going to bad for me. I have my neice and nephew with me right now. We all want to be home around 6pm so we can watch the Jason movies. I think I peeked my nephews interest lol. But other than that I have no grand plans for today. As it turns out I'm not going to Pittsburgh tomorrow. Which I am really glad that we're not, I found out it's only going to be a bunch of my uncle's friends and family, a bunch of stuck up rich a$$holes. My neice just read what I wrote, that could be a bad thing...I hope she doesn't repeat any of it. I could get in trouble for that. I know I have a bad influence on the kids but damn it it's just me and how I am.

Alright since they are anxcious to get out of the library I'm gonna go.

So far the only perk to being 20 for me is knowing that if I don't want to go to my Aunt's house for the family functions I don't have to. Last year's was a terrible experience. Let me paint the picture for you. I was drinking the night before we had to go and I had to get up early. I rode with my grandpa, which was bad because I didn't have anything to talk about with him. We get there and I was bored out of my mind. There was no one there my age that I could socialize with. The only people close enough to my age were my brothers. They snuck outside to smoke a few cigs before going back in. They were also listening to one of their cds. I went outside with them cuz I had nothing better to do. I don't really know if I even want to go to this one cuz my mom said last year if we didn't want to go to these deals anymore we didn't have to.