hells_angel's journal

What can I say about the meeting that I haven't already said before. It went ok and I did get some insight. I don't think it was a complete waist of time. We left there around 11:30. I seen my friend Dominic, I went to high school with him, and he told me he was wondering why he didn't see me at all there and he was wondering where I went. I also seen Mikey and I met his new boyfriend. I also saw a skunk in the feild across from the dining hall. My advisor's office is in Ralston now. It's nice I like the view outside. I need to get on my grandpa's good side or something or talk to my grandma and see if they can't work out a loan with me. I'm trying to make it happen for me. I know when I go back I am going to have to take 12 credits and pass them and the same thing for the spring. My ex-roommate isn't going to be there so I don't see where any problems are going to be.

I am just really going to have to study and make time for everything. I figure I can spend my days studying and my nights reviewing and still schedule in a little bit of fun.

But for right now I don't know what's going to happen but I will keep you posted on this.

I have less than 24 hours until my life as I know it changes. I will find out if I can schedule classes and if more importantly I can be a college student again and get my life back. So much to do and prep for. I am scared to wear something that says I haven't changed since you first met me. I don't care. I'll just wear something and try to be calm and collected. Maybe I'll wash my one favorite baggy tshirt tonight and pair it with a pair of jeans, maybe the jeans I haven't wore since ummmm January. If I wear those I might be self conscience cuz they are kinda short in the legs. I think I'll paint my toe nails tonight and finger nails. Maybe that will calm me down. You never know.... I know I gotta be home by 10 tonight just to wake up my bro. I could prolly go for a walk and then go home. I mean I'll get out of the library at 8 of course and well yeah that could work.

I think I figured out why I come up to the library almost every day...I'm bored and lack anything better to do. I mean all my friends are at college and the ones that stayed home are either working or they are busy with their own lives. And me well I don't have much of a life outside of doing all the junk my mom is suposed to do, but doesn't do until the weekends and by then it's all been done and taken care of.

Maybe when I go back to college and live on campus things will go back to normal for me where I don't have to answer to everything I do.

Today life seems normal. My brother came home after school and left again; he left his friends at the apartment though. I don't stick around there when that happens. I don't know what to say to a bunch of 13 and 14 year old kids. I've been there and done that, well most of the things they do and did. I know I will have a lot to write about Wednesday next week...after that meeting. I'm not going to think about it so much though. I just don't want to stress myself out about it so much only because I know if I do I'm not going to want to go to that meeting next week and I have to.

I can't seem to wake up today. I think it's just today though because of the fact that my brother was falling asleep when he came home after school and my step dad passed out before he went to work. He wouldn't have waken up if I hadn't woke him up for work.

I just hope I can wake up from this sleepy day cuz I got too much to do and not enough time.

I don't know if I'm just tired because it is raining outside or because I am feeling weak physically.

I just feel like something is wrong but I don't want to go to the doctor's to find out what it is.

I have a meeting with my advisor next week Wed. at 10am. I'm nervous as hell. I don't know what to expect and something is telling me sub-consciencely to write down any questions I have because I know they are going to ask if I have any questions and I normally blank out and I don't want to do that anymore.

I think I'm just scared I am going to make the same mistake I made when I was in school. I put off studying til the last min. I know when I go back I'm going to have to study my butt off and show my advisor I'm not joking when I say I don't want to be home again for another year and lose another year of my life.

I'm actually calm surprizengly enough, normally right about now I'd be flipping out and hyperventalating and wishing I had a cig or something to calm my nerves. But I am calm so I am going with it.