hells_angel's journal

I think I have a future in dying hair and cosmetics. Although I know I am not good at this stuff when it comes to myself but when I have to dye and do everyone else's make up I'm really good at it. I have to re-dye my brothers hair blonde, his girlfriend dyed it the wrong color and it looks bad. My brother can't pull off rust colored hair.

I found out that my friend the stripper and pregnant told everyone about her being pregnant yet she told me not to tell anyone. She hasn't changed since high school. She does something stupid and instead of owning up to her mistakes she blames everyone else for her problems.

I've noticed something with me if I go to bed at 11 I'm up at 5 am. So lately I've been going to bed around 2 am and getting up around 9 or 10ish sometimes 11.

I remember back when I was in high school I could go to bed at 1 am and sleep until 5am. Well 6am at the latest. I left myself enough time to get a shower and get dressed. I didn't do much with my hair. I don't know how people in high school could be so damn glamerous at 7am. I was lucky if I was fully awake at 7 am. I think if my 1st period teacher wasn't a dictator I would have slept til 9. I had to spend almost 2 hours in her class. It sucked.

When I go back to school I am not scheduling morning classes. I think I am going to schedule 2 classes on Monday, Wednesday, and Friday and 2 on Tuesday and Thursday. That way my schedule is balanced. My first class will be at noon and my last one should be at 2 or 3. Sounds good to me.

Today is the day for Irish luck. Well I haven't found my 3 leaf clover yet. It's 4 leaf in American but in Ireland they have 3 leaf clovers that are good luck.

Come to think of it I'm not wearing anything green. I'll run to the store and buy some green finger nail polish.

So today any bad luck that might have happend to me is postponed until tomorrow which is fine by me.

I was just thinking about my herritage. I'm part german and what ever mix my biological father is. I have italian in my family and irish and mexican or something like that i dont know what my mom's cousin ray is per say. I know he moved to Texas and got married to someone down there but you know it's hard keeping track of all that I should just ask my uncle.

I mean I know I'm white but I just wanna know what I am though. I know you can't say that the race makes you what you are but it's just that I can't help but be courious about it.

My friend, the one who is a stripper stopped up the apartment this weekend. She told me she's pregnant. I'm really happy for her and I am trying to be there for her. I did the friend thing and voulenteered to babysit.

My brother gave me some very much unneeded and unnessicary adittude.

I won't even get started on his little girlfriend. That chick is a hoe. I found out this weekend that she got around and gets around. She used to go out with my friends' cousin and she ditched him for one of his friends then went out with another cousin.

My step dad drank last night, i didn't do a can count. We were playing Phase 10 and quit about halfway through cuz it was 3 am and we were all starting to dose off.

Sometimes I just wish I had all the answers to all the problems with my mom. I mean she is always broke and I am trying to find a job but no where is hiring. and It's really depressing.

It's starting over again. You would think that if you were in jail for 9 months ok techinically a year if you add the three months he was in jail while I was a junior in high school that it would be enough for you to quit drinking altogether and never look or touch it ever again. My step dad comes home every night from work and grabs a beer out of the fridge then he grabs another one. I'm scared to talk to him about it because of how he handles things when I talk to him about his drinkig problem. I used to get slapped, pushed, and hit depending on his mood. I sometimes wish his probation officer would come up and see the beer in the fridge and do something about it. But his probation officer is the laziest jack a$$ I ever met. His p. o. only did something when I got kicked out of the house when I was 18 and still in high school. Lucky for me it didn't last my entire senior year. It lasted for a week or so. But still that ain't the point. His p.o. needs to keep on him and keep him in line. I just hope when i turn 21 I don't do the same stuff he does now. I mean yes I drink once in a very great while. Maybe twice every six months or so and even then I only drink maybe 2 at the most. But then I end up kicking myself in the ass for doing it.

It just seems like everytime he or some one I know messes up I end up beating myself up about it and saying maybe if I would have done something different maybe they wouldn't do what they are doing now.

Here I am at 20 years old still living like I was when I was in high school. Scared to say something and scared when I lose my cool and most of all still scared of myself. I still try to get by and say that someday I will get away from here and move on and never come back.