jbooker's journal

So, once again I face a dilemma. That dilemma being what to do with the (various) website(s) i have. I mean, surely it shouldn't be that difficult? Just get a site design, fill it with content, stick a few google ads out there, and BAM instant success, right?

Wrong. Oh, I was oh so wrong. After 18 months online, Booker's World of Retro Gaming finally got its first order. I was immensly happy at that, but extremely angry at myself at the same time.

If you (assuming there's anyone reading this drivel) look at the site, you'll see that it's pretty poorly designed. Its ugly, basic and lacks any kind of interesting pizzazz. And so, since that one went online 18 months ago, I've spent 12 months of that recoding, redesigning, etc, over and over again, and found myself with the same dilemma I'm having now - I'm artistically retarded.

What I mean is, the entire creative part of my brain seems to buzz with ideas, which if I close my eyes, I can just glimpse a corner of one, or a shadow of the other. The problem is, when i reach inside to grab one out, they all hide in the corner and snigger at my ineptitude.

Could it be that my websites will never get off the ground because of my inability to put on (virtual) paper what I see in my minds' eye? Is my lack of creativity going to continue to stop me becoming a success in life?

And worst of all, will I continue to carry my ideas to a semi-conclusion, only to be stuck with this dilemma when someone turns up and proves to me that looks aren't necessarily everything?

While I'll be ever grateful to this man for becoming bookers-world's first customer, I also hate him to death for turning my mind back into this whirling vortex of confusion and dizziness.

And so, the question is this - is it possible to teach an (artistically retarded) old dog new tricks, or will all my projects just be money (spent) for old rope?

Answers on a postcard....

-J

This post was edited by jbooker on Oct 21, 2004.

Howdy.

Life's hectic, a lot of stuff's going on at the moment, with work, home etc.

My job's looking a bit unstable at the moment due to the customer performing a 'rationalisation' operation which, if we don't get certain portions of the resulting contracts, means our exisiting contract basically gets pulled from under our feet. Which is bad.

On the bright side, I've decided to start coming back here more. Again. I'm going to try to keep more of a daily journal, more for myself than anything, and try and track my development as a professional, and as a person.

The idea is to implement what's called an 'Learning Journal', an idea presented to me by an ex-Microsoft employee (thanks, Chad!) who now runs an independant software company, and really has made someone of himself. I intend to try and follow in his footsteps.

And so, my participation in the forums here will hopefully pick up again, but for the time being, I'm abusing netalive for my own scrupulous purposes (because I can't be bothered to write PHP code to do one myself - the NAO journal is perfect for this)

Anyway, I've bleated enough for now, Ciao!

Well, this is it. It's Thursday 11th December, 2003. I'm in the hotel room in Germany for the last time this year, and hopefully, forever.

I've enjoyed my time here, don't get me wrong, but I'm ready for home. I'm ready to see family again. I'm ready to spend more than one day a week with my fiancee, whom I can't wait to get back to. I've missed her far more than I ever thought I would (and that was a lot!) and it'll be nice to be with her, in our home, once again.

Hopefully when I get back the decorator has at least put the lining paper up on the walls, but maybe he's done the whole thing, who knows?

Oh yeah, and despite my usual laziness, I *did* put the towel rail up the other weekend. The downstairs toilet is almost done now, jsut a border around the top of the walls, and a picture to hang up, and I'm done!

It seems a shame to rip it out in a couple of years' time, when I can afford to make the back half of the house into a dining kitchen, instead of the room we have at the moment, which is too big for a kitchen, and not big enough for a diner.

Christmas is around the corner, so I'm off to buy some gifts online :)

- J

If anyone actually reads any of the drivel I post on this site/journal from time to time, you may be aware that I have been in Germany for a while working for a customer of my company supporting them for the systems we (or rather, a subcontractor to us) supplied.

I've come to realise, while I've been here, that England isn't all it's cracked up to be.

Don't get me wrong, I'd die for my country, and anyone who makes derrogatory remarks about Her Majesty's Kingdom in my presence gets looks that would kill, and that's if I didn't punch before thinking.

But everything's wrong at the moment. I suppose it's the same in all countries to a degree - politicians are useless overpaid social bachelors who spend more time with other country's presidents/kings/leaders chatting about the good old days than actually listening to their subjects.

I know it's easy to talk about changing everything, and it's easy to say 'I wouldn't have done it like that...' but the fact is, I *wouldn't* have.

There's so many things wrong with our country at the moment, and yet a lot of the Prime Minister's and his Cabinet of Ministers' time is taken up by helping rebuild Iraq.

Now don't get me wrong, I think it's great that Iraq's finally rid of it's mad oppressor as a leader (although I don't necessarily agree with the method used) and that the Iraqi people are free again to make their own choices. But that's just it - are they really? Are they even being allowed to make their own decisions?

I say no, yes they have a temporary leader who is working with the Allied Forces to try to rebuild the country, but where is the line? Where are the boundaries of aid and control? Are we getting too involved, trying to shape Iraq in the image of the west too quickly? I don't profess to be an expert, so I'll make no definite decisions either way, but something just doesn't feel right.

One thing I've noticed while I've been out here is the way we deal with security. I groaned when I got to passport control at Berlin Schonefeld airport a few weeks back and had to get into a line about 40 minutes long (three planes arrived almost simultaneously) and wait to get to my baggage.

But, on the wawy back into england, there was a queue at least 3 times that long, yet I got through in less than 5 minutes - I didn't even put the laptop case on the floor because I was constantly shuffling forward in the line!

This made me wonder about the way we do a lot of things. I understand that as a citizen of the European Union, I can come and go as I please throughout the EU as long as I have my passport with me. But that's just it, while the Germans never once questioned me, and have never really messed me about, they take their time. They take your passport from you, look at it, hold the photo up near your face to check it's you, put it through a computer or something, and put it through some kind of validity scanner.

In a stark contrast to this, i held my passport open at the photo page and just nonchalantly waved it in front of the inspector's face as I strolled through. I think this is appaling. I'd rather wait in that 40 minute queue, knowing that everyone else is going through the same, in an attempt to keep tight security and preventing vagrants from walzing in and raising my taxes.

Which brings me onto immigration. I have a very strong opinion on this - if there's room, and that person is willing to work as hard as I do, pay their taxes and generally do their bit to become a good-natured UK citizen, then I welcome them with open arms.

However, I don't agree with this 'bring your family' attitude which foreigners seem to fall into when they come into this country. Don't get me wrong, I realise that a lot of people come here looking for a better life, and appreciation for their skills, and I have seen a lot of Indians, Pakistanis, turkish, or whatever, do that and work hard and go far.

However, I went to a school with a lot of people of the above said races, and they've admitted to me that a lot of families import family members on the strict basis of tax evasion, and getting more money into a household. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying it's the majority, but it's just the ones that do it get me really angry.

There is no doubt that there's a health crisis in this country, the once-great NHS becoming the laughing stock of the world, patients becoming more and more ill, and possibly dying, because there aren't enough beds in the hospitals to house them.

And while this comes from a number of reasons, I believe a big cause of this is the immigration crisis we have going on at the moment. Why should I have to wait for an operation because someone who doesn't even pay taxes needs the same?

I think the NHS was once a great system, and still could be. I pride myself in working hard and paying taxes to enable that service to continue. Yet I have to wait behind in line for a bed because someone who's lived here for 10 years and hasn't even bothered to learn any amount of the local language is trying to convey to the desk clerk, in a foreign language, that they need X operation or Y pills.

Get rid of illegal immigrants I say, stuff the French and their idea of sending immigrants they don't want over to us for us to deal with. The britishness test is a joke. I say kick out anyone who doesn't come here to work hard and enjoy a good life.

Please, Mr Blair, bring the National ID cards in *now*, not in 2010, or whenever the projected date is, for all our sakes. If you aint got a card, you get deported, thats what I say. Obviously immigrants will be able to apply for citizenship, but they should pay as much damn tax as I should. I'm sick of supporting foreigners who come here to be carried through life.

To all you immigrants who *do* work hard, *do* pay tax, and *don't* tie up the NHS for which you haven't paid, I welcome you with open arms, to my country, my town, even my home, for I respect and admire those of you who put their hand up and say 'I need to pay my taxes too. I am proud to be a British Citizen, and support the country'

</rant >

Well, it's 16:46 (GMT+1) on Friday 27th November 2003. I'm waiting around in the office for a taxi to take me to the airport.

It's been a good week, and while I've been alone in the hotel room I've had time to think. Think about life, and getting organised.

In post 15875 I went a bit manic-depressive about things that I wanted to get done and probably won't get the chance. I also said please dont rate or reply until I'd finished building the list, which any of you who follow my journal may have noticed that I haven't done.

Thinking about things while I've been here, I've decided to throw that list away, and concentrate on the basics in life.

Of course, I'd still love to write all that software, and I'd definitely still enjoy having a wireless network set up in the house as a home entertainment/automation system.

But do I really need it? No.

Take, for example the Quality Management System I wanted to produce. Do I, personally need it? No. Will I personally make any real gain from producing it? Not really, I doubt any of my software would compete with commercial-level products enough to sell them. The idea came from the need for a system at work, or rather my perceived need for it, since the company seems to think it can manage with a paper-based system.

And so, I threw the list away. I've erased my to-do list in Outlook and synched the empty list to my PDA.

One thing at a time, I say. 'Don't bite off more than you can chew' my grandmother used to say (normally right before I choked on my dinner for eating to fast - but the analogy still stands :-))

So, my new priority in life is to sort out the house. Yes, I've mentioned before (in post 15458) that I consider myself to have a good lot in life, owning my own house, paying a mortgage, paying my taxes, paying the bills (wait a minute - good lot in life?) and coming and going as I please.

But that's just it - I've been lazy, and I've let things slip. The house hasn't had nearly enough rennovation done to it (okay so I decorated the downstairs toilet. Twice.) and it's because of that fact of pride and self-satisfaction. I've been so busy revelling in the fact that I own a house I've been too lazy to make it into a home.

Things are going to change. I'm going to do something for my life, as opposed for financial benefit. I'm doing it for myself.

So, when I get back this weekend, I'm going to make a start. I'm going to put that towel rail up in the downstairs toilet. I'm going to mend the folding door to the kitchen. I'm going to go in the attic and finish putting the flooring down. And if I have time, I might just smash up some of the furniture the previous owner left behind (note - last chance for the bar - see post 14641) and take it to the dump.

You just see if I don't!

- J

I am currently in a town called Wildau in south-east Berlin, working on-site at a customer's facility. They had a slight annoyance with some software they were using, and they wanted a kind of 'intermediary' application between said software and MS Excel.

In an unusally forward gesture I offered to write such a piece of software. It wasn't particularly difficult (although text parsing is harder than it at first appears) but the fact that it's now being used in a commercial environment makes me proud of myself.

I feel like I've achieved something good, and wanted to make a note of the fact. It's been a /long/ time since I've been proud of myself. Let's hope I can do it some more

- J