kaizley's journal

I thought it's been a while since I've actually written something creative here, so here it is. I wrote this the day after a huge party, and I was a little hungover so I haven't really been able to write anymore... but one day I will and I can pretty much guarantee it will be a best seller :P.

"That's nice" She mumbled in her semi-conscious state. "That's how the world works sometimes". Her friends gave her a strange look and left the room quietly. "That's how the world works" she repeated to herself before slipping back into her "morning after" coma.

Maybe diversion therapy is the way to go. Everytime a bad thought comes into my head, I get an electric shot. Not a bad idea if i want to get electrocuted.

Okay... So it's not that good. Shoot me. It sounded better when I was out of it... hmmm...

Despite me breaking the system for a few days, it appears that I am once again a slave of it. I am not allowed to even go to a friends house down the road to watch a bit of The O.C, but I am however allowed to watch The O.C in the comfort of my own home. Now I ask you... what EXACTLY is the difference to me watching it here, then to me watching it over there? Well apparently there is a whole world of difference that I'm not yet smart enough to realise.

I've been told repeatedly that I HAVE to complete the whole of last years coursework by the end of the holidays. Does she realise how much that is?! That's A YEAR of work in less than 7 weeks. Probably why I'm not allowed to leave the house, but it's crazy! Even if I did become a complete social retard and studied for the whole 7 weeks straight, I don't thnk that I woud be able to finish off a whole year of work, plus the newish stuff that I'm supposed to finish for next term. But it's impossible! That's why it's spread out to take up the whole year, otherwise I would have finished school by now!

I shall explain how I managed to escape the wrath of the system. A friend who also thinks that this system is particularly unfair gave me a hand in making up some stupid excuse to get me out of the house, which involved nothing more than work. Now it may sound all peaches and cream ,but really it was quite difficult as it happens that I'm a little frightened of my mother. She had also told me that I had to bring back some work to show her to prove that I did something. Now when you have to provide your parentals with actual evidence, you sort of realise that there is soomething very VERY wrong with this.

My father, not knowing about this rule allowed me to get out on saturday with a whole bunch of my friends and hopefully he will let me go to my NYE party.

That'as all for now. I have to go and finish off a year of work.

YAY! i broke the system!! I'll explain later when it works.

I am going to start a short series, describing the pain and the slowly occuring madness that is brought on from staying at home for the WHOLE duration of my summer holidays, beucase my mother is a slack, nazi bitch WHO WON'T LET ME LEAVE!

DAY 6

I am starting almost a week in, only because I have only realised how mad I am becoming. The boredism is overwhelming and my legs are hurting from lack of movement. Three people know about my present situation, and none think it is entirely fair that I am missing ALL of the Christmas parties that are happening. I'm not allowed to go out to the beach, even though the weather is sooo soooo nice. I'm not even allowed to go to the movies!

Maybe I should force everybody to come and party with me here, while my mother is off seeing my grandmother. Hopefully when she is gone I will be able to go out at least twice!

It's only been 6 days in, and it feels like a life time. I now know what it's like in jail, and personally I HATE IT.

I need my social interaction! I haven't seen any of my friends for a week! The television is even mocking me!

LET ME OUT!!!!! LET ME OUT!!!!

At least I have my MSN and my iPod... but it would be great if I had my friends and MY HEALTH! I don't even have health!!!

Seven weeks of no social interaction is soo not good for me. I'll get back to school and be soo out of the circle. Mum is trying to turn me into her! ANTI-SOCIAL! but I hate being anti social... I NEED PEOPLE!! at least once a week.

I thought this was going to be more narrative.... but it didn't work very well.

It’s times like these that make you feel as though the world has stopped. Like you are waiting for something. Anticipating the worst, or sometimes the best. When a second stretches out in to an endless, incomprehensible time frame. Your insides feel funny. Like something is missing. Something is wrong. A tingly sensation is running through your body and it won’t stop for nobody.

There’s pain in your throat, your neck, your shoulders, your arms, your fingers, your chest, your stomach, your legs, your feet, your toes. It brushes through you like a breeze and leaves you shaken and cold. Nothing can stop this pain. Nothing. It hurts, but it feels really good at the same time. You are relieved. Something inside is telling you it’s alright and the warmth begins to run through your body again. Through your toes, your feet, your legs, your stomach, your chest, your fingers, your arms, your shoulders, your neck, your throat.

Nobody is around anymore. You’re alone and it scares you. The air is still and all you can hear is your heavy breathing and your heart pumping loudly. You are in a place that you have seen before, but you do not know exactly where this place is. There are no material possessions. Only you, the ground and the walls, but they aren’t real. Nothing is real. Not even you. You don’t feel real anymore.

You try to escape. Running along a stream of light and brushing past invisible walls. The light doesn’t stop. It just stretches on, occasionally turning a corner. You stop and turn back, but the light has disappeared. There is no way back, you can only move forward. Though you try to get through to invisible wall, there is no point. Your past has been blocked off and there’s no other choice but to move forward. You run faster and faster, though your feet are heavy and don’t feel as though they are moving at all. You seem to be running forever though you aren’t at all tired.

Suddenly, something stops you and you almost fall. There is now an invisible wall in front of you. You turn, but there is no way back and now there is no way forward. For a moment you contemplate the possibility of going up, but your mind tells you that the only way to go is down. Fright washes over you, but as the light starts to fear, a gentle calm runs over your body and you are no longer frightened of what is to become. In a matter of seconds you are falling through the stratosphere. Falling. Seeing. Breathing. Being. Until there is nothing left.

Nothing at all

That is how I imagine death

We miss you Kareen.

Shivering
Shaking
Singing
Sinking
Stopping
Surviving