kaizley's journal

Week Before Exam Week Blues

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# 24679

I have been at school for three and a half whole days, and it feels like i've been there FOREVER! Like i never even left. The work load is still coming at a heavy pace and even more strain is being put on my poor little head with exams barely around the corner (and my ability to be failing pretty much all my subjects).

My head should be swimming with wonderful facts about Stalin, Mao, choromosomes, Donne, T. S. Eliot, genes, statistics, words in Italian and stuff about world drama. But I've got nothing. All that fills my brain is "what went wrong? how the fuck did I screw up so majorly?". I don't think this is the most wonderful thing to bethinking about when year twelve is but eight weeks away, and yearlys are even closer.

Save me from my pool of stress
As the papers pull me in.

... That's all I've got.


94% | 3

# 24605

This on is a little.. morbid. I seem to be a very morbid person. I wrote this one for a friend's english project... took me about 30mins... a work of art really. It touches on a few sensitive topics.. so be aware before you dive into the unknown.

She looked out at the vast sea in front of her, as she stood too close to the edge of the cliff. She didn’t seem to notice that she was only centimeters away from her death. She watched the beautiful images in front of her. The still water, the cheerful birds singing, the line of land hiding behind a light fog, the sky that reflected orange and pink from the setting sun. No matter how much she looked, how much she tried to forget, she couldn’t.

Memories of what had happened just a few hours ago were flashing through her mind like a silent movie. Repeatedly she watched as the stranger killed her mother. Savagely beating her until there was no more left to beat. She saw her mother lying limply on the ground. Her mother had looked so small and frail and useless. She also saw her alcoholic father lying on the couch, not doing anything to stop the stranger from what he was doing to her mother. Not knowing what would become of her, now that her mother had gone and her father was too dependant on what she and her mother had provided for him, she had left. She could not live with him anymore, now that there was nobody else to support her family. She couldn’t live with him, so she couldn’t live anywhere.

Tears came to her eyes as she looked sorrowfully over the edge. As the sun set launching the sky into darkness, she wondered what she was doing there. Why was she standing on the edge, about to disturb this beautiful image in front of her? The memories continued to play in her mind. These images made her angry. She was angry that her mother had left the world so brutally, and that her father had done nothing to stop it, she was angry at her father and most of all, she was angry at herself for what she was about to do, or at least thinking of doing. This anger soon turned to fear. She feared the edge, the calmness, and the pain.

Slowly, and cautiously she slid closer to the edge. She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath. For one last moment she stood there and embraced the beauty that surrounded her before she made her final move. That moment seemed to last forever. Finally, it was time. With another deep breath she took her final move.

Not a scream was heard. There was an unbelievably uncomfortable silence as her life came to an end. Nobody heard it; nobody knew she had left the life that she couldn’t handle. She was finally free.

Sorry about that one guys... a little intense ay?

...And Makes Me End Where I Begun.

91% | 2

# 24584

To you poetry concious people out there, yes that is John Donne. To you not so poetry minded people, this is not going to be an analysis on John Donne or anything. In fact, it's got nothing to do with John Donne and A Valediction Forbidding Mourning. The line just has something to do with what I am wanting to rant about.

So goes my relationship with a particular someone (who I am not going to mention out aloud).Yup, we seem to have a little circle of love and hate going on here. "An emotional rollercoaster I couldn't put down" would often be seen on the back of this long... industrious novel (which has not yet come to an end... i think. But you never know with these things)although I don't think I would mind putting it down at the moment.

To start off this little fairy tale, we meet (obviously), we talk (again obviously), we get along quite well, and eventually I am asked out. Graciously I accept this invitation and the ride begins. Brace yourselves people, it's gonna be a rough one!

Okay, we go out a few times (secretly might I add). The pressure gets a little too much for me, considering my past situations. So... unwillingly I ask for the split. This is where it gets a little tricky. I still like them, they still like me (apparently) and my friends start to get involved. My dearest friends often seem to be going against me, since they all love this particular someone so very much.

Now, there's a whole big chunk of the novel that I must have skipped over because all I remember is.... nothing.

I think at one point we were sort of together... in between now and then... Anyway, skipping the nitty gritty details, every once and a while we do talk to each other, but usually, we ignore each other. and well.. it's getting tiring. Whenever it seems as though we have managed to patch something up, someone initiates a fight, and it starts all over again. I just ask you, in the words of Smash Mouth...

WHY CAN'T WE BE FRIENDS?! -- I guess that's a little too much to ask.. don't you? *angry face*

Don't Get Left Behind

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# 24526

Move up to the front of the screaming crowd
Don't get left behind
Move into the spotlight, that shines so bright
Don't get left behind
Speak up! You have a voice to be heard!
Don't get left behind
Let everyone out there know what you're worth
Don't get left behind
Just don't get left behind

Be bold
Be strong
Dive in head long
To the chances that might pass by

Stand up
Come on
The world is gone
There is no one there to argue

Move up to the front of the screaming crowd
Don't get left behind
Move into the spotlight, that shines so bright
Don't get left behind
Speak up! You have a voice to be heard!
Don't get left behind
Let everyone out there know what you're worth
Don't get left behind
Just don't get left behind

I think this one might be a song of some sort...

Missing The Party

69% | 2

# 24506

Again my friends are holding a little shing-dig. "But you just had one on Sunday?" You say? Well, I say "You can never have enough parties!" But what is bad about this party is that I MISS OUT!

All because my mother is sick and in bed, and she is unable to drive me all the way to South-Land (not what the place is called) and all the way back. Which I totally understand, and i'm not going to push her into doing it.. But it's such a bummer... Especially because thei person to whom this party is for is very very close to me. It was going to be a knock out party! (Although there wouldn't have been any alcohol.. but that's illegal!)

Since my mother couldn't take me I called my father, and all I got was a flat out NO! I think I'm going to burst into tears... I mean, I got all dressed up and beautified... and all for nothing!

*sigh* I have to look on the bright side! Like "Sieze The Day" said... If your ship doesn't come in..... swim out to it! hmm... does that mean I have to bring the party here?

How do I bring a whole bunch of people and food here... from South-Land? (which is miles and miles away)

Oh well.. I guess it means no party for me tonight :( ... well, at least I can watch Absolutely Fabulous ... and if i'm lucky.. mum might let me have a little *glug glug* ;)


Biology Madness

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# 24423

As the school holidays slowly come to a close, I realise that I have done no work AT ALL! I have destined myself to a failing grade at the end of my two year sentence, as 3/8 of it has passed. Now... You all must be thinking "what's she on about, she has ages to catch up!" and indeed I do, but I also have an age of work to catch up on. I have even come to the drastic conclusion that I could just quit school, and be on a dumb reality show, like... big brother and win $1,000,000... or on Autralian Idol and become an Australian Idol. You have to give me a little credit.. at least I can spell!

Enough of that dreaming stuff though, there is no chance that I will ever appear on any reality tv show, even if my life depended on it.

I have been slaving away for about 5hrs on completing every little dot point in my biology syllabus, and I haven't even finished the first topic! I know that probably doesn't mean much to you, but... I am so gonna die when I get back to school! :'(

This post was edited by kaizley on Jul 14, 2004.

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