majic's journal

Everyone has to start somewhere. The old adage goes "You have to crawl before you can walk", yes and I'll admit, this is very true. Here I am, crawling! I'm up on my knees and my hands are planted squarely on the floor. I'm picking one arm up and moving the opposite leg to take a step forward. Every once in a while I'm falling flat on my face and then lifting myself up again to start over. This is the stage I'm in right now with song writing.

I'd like to call my work so far an experiment in learning. This is a safe position to take because it neither puts me down, nor sets goals too far out of reach. I'm not writing my best material yet and I have a long way to go. The road I'm traveling is exciting and I'm learning alot along the way. I'm continuing to study lyrics by established artists like Oasis, Coldplay, Staind, Sarah Mclachlan, Default and Blessid Union of Souls. All through this study period I'm left confused at what really makes up a good song. I've seen clearly mediocre lyrics produce absolutely awesome songs. With that said I'll post a small example:

Sarah McLachlan - Drifting ( First stanza of song )

You've been gone so long all that you know
has been shuffled aside as you bask in the glow
of the beautiful strangers who whisper your name
do they fill up the emptiness?

This is mediocre in my opinion. If you read it verbatim it really just doesn't sound that good. However, when one listens to the actual song you are left totally amazed. She not only turned mediocre lyrics into a wonderful song but the style that she sings them in doesn't even give you an impression of mediocrity. I'm totally confused here. So here I am without a formula to what is needed for a song. I suppose the safest route is to just experiment and write, write, write.

So I've just proved that one can have mediocre lyrics and produce a great song. Does this stem from the way the singer sings the lyrics? I really think it does. This is another area that is fascinating to me but I am clueless on how to sing my lyrics in a good way. While I am not a good singer and have limited range, I've been picking my guitar and trying to sing my lyrics. I've found it extremely difficult. My writing is stuck in the land of poetry where one doesn't have to worry about the composition of the words, in the terms of singing. In that they will not be sung so you can write as complicated material as you like with no worries. This is where reading other established lyrics comes in, but I'm still no closer to finding the answers I'm looking for, than when I first started. When I read the lyrics to my favorite songs they just seem boring. The life is brought out of them by the singer and the music. So it would seem to me that the hardest part of the song creation process is not the lyrics but the singing style and the music.

Another area I've been exploring is, how to pick the subjects you want to write about. What inspiration or spark of fire lets you have that desire to write a song. Well, for me I've been doing google searches on song writing. I came across a page that gave some tips. The tip that I've been exploring mostly is coming up with a song title and then later writing the lyrics. This website mentioned that you should pick a title that by it's very nature leads to more thought, more questions and a general desire to know what exactly this title means. I've been writing five to ten song titles and then holding back and thinking about what would be good to write about them. This has been a huge help to me. Before I would just sit and eventually get frustrated that I couldn't come up with anything. I'll give an example of two song titles I came up with. I've been trying to keep the titles short and usually just one word. This in my opinion lets me explore the meanings more. Passion and Someday are the two examples. Each word to me could convey a thousand different possibilities. I wrote the titles last night and then slept on it. I was fortunate enough today to come up with words to describe them.

Passion

I could feel the wind today
it brushed against my face
I thought to myself
what a beautiful soft embrace

I heard the distant melody
encoded in a song
the kind that is elusive
and something rarely known

there is a passion
that burns inside of me
to put myself on the edge
to push myself against reality

I know there is this something more
that I just seem to feel
a sensing sort of feeling
that rests behind a locked door

a timeless memory that began with a song
each note creates a spark
to a fire that burns inside your mind
a passionate light from dark

there is a passion
that burns inside of me
to put myself on the edge
to push myself against reality

I know there is this something more
that I just seem to feel
a sensing sort of feeling
that rests behind a locked door

Again the word passion could have led me to a thousand and one different songs. In my mind I have a special meaning for passion and it's meaning for music. Passion is the blood, sweat and tears in the singers voice, each and every word is specifically placed and sung with a feeling that just cannot be described as anything but passion. There are a number of songs that I think best describe this and I'll give you three examples by the same artist "Skid Row". The songs are Wasted Time, Quicksand Jesus and In A Darkened Room. If you have the opportunity to listen to these songs, I don't think you will be disappointed in the least bit.

With all that said the second song title I came up with is Someday.

Someday

Today was that day again
it was just the same as always
the sun up in its spot
just like the day before

I could take a picture
and it would represent this boring life
over and over and over again
nothing changes but the number on
the calendar

Someday there has to be more
more than there ever was
more than I've seen before
in the days I've spent believing

I have a tear running down my face
a drop of me that is fading away
this life cannot be all for none
I know that this dull will be undone

Someday there has to be more
more than there ever was
more than I've seen before
in the days I've spent believing

These clouds that fog up my mind
will come to pass in time
this dark which makes me forever blind
will light when the sun shines

Someday represents a feeling that I think alot of us can relate to. We have this same old same that we get into day in and day out. If life could just show us the proverbial door we could break out of this boredom and someday see that there is more to what we've been experiencing.

I haven't thought how they could be sung yet. I need to pick on my guitar and see if I can come up with a melody. I think that I'm on the right course and finally getting some good thoughts and ideas in writing.

Fuck, have you ever had in your life a drive, a desire, a gravitational pull to something so *real* that it just drove you crazy? I eat, sleep and breathe music. There is this creative urge to get something out and I've said this at least 3 times before. I have a creative desire and need, yearn and longing to put myself out there, on the edge!

I don't care if the world thinks my work is boring, mediocre or whatever. I'm being pulled in a direction with a force that I can only describe as exhilirating. This is fun, I'm having fun with this and I think that's all that really matters. With the advent of message boards and the Internet we have the added priviledge of opening up our lives to the world. We can instantly communicate with people all over the world, people we don't know, people we have never seen and open up our lives and show what exactly makes us who we are. If I were to tell all this stuff to people in my immediate vicinity I would be most likely laughed at. There is only one other person in my life today that lives on the same plane as I do. He would understand, he would encourage and above all he would never laugh at my attempts at expressionism.

Dear Creative GOD's, please give me the strength to write something that will be beautiful and profound...

I'm scared to death about not being able to express myself. I question my ability each and everyday. I'm fully aware that I have a long way to go, but I feel that an attempt at anything is better than an attempt at nothing. I don't know where this road will lead, but my desires want it to lead to a revealing of my creative energy, a world that knows that I did not sit idle and do nothing. I long and need to put this stuff out there. I am sure it's not my best work but it's a drop of blood, it's a drop of sweat and it's definitely a shedded tear. If only I could know if I have what it takes, if only there was a sign that conveyed to me that "hey, you are on the right track"... If only I could know the path before I walk the path. But that is just not how life works. With that I have made another attempt at something that may or may not resemble a song. This is yet another test of my desire.

I have dubbed this song "Distant".

sometimes I am just not there
feeling distant and apart of nothing
I see the blur that is the world
I feel the buzz which is my life

Sometimes I want to press pause
on this thing called life
and take a step back
to take a deep breath

Distant best describes me
when I'm feeling alone and down
Distant is my best friend
when I'm just not all around

Can you take the time to tell someone their loved
so they won't feel what I do
when I just can't open my eyes
and see myself before the view

Distant best describes me
when I'm feeling alone and down
Distant is my best friend
when I'm just not all around

I could sit here and be all alone
and wither in my despair
but I would feel better
if I knew that you cared

Why do I find so much to write about depressing subjects? It's quite funny actually. I'm not really depressed at the moment, however I am finding this pain which is lurking inside. I find it much easier to gather this pain up and pour it into something. I find it easier to wallow in my self pity than to be positive and full of life. But as long as I can channel this into a productive medium, I don't think it's such a bad thing.

I've started to try to take this urge to write by the proverbial balls so to speak. I spent over 3 months in a sort of writers block, a dark fog of nothingness. I couldn't get anything to stick on the paper. I want to write song lyrics, damnit I WANT TO WRITE SONGS. I've taken all my cd booklets out and started reading through all of the lyrics I can find. I've spent hours reading litkicks.com and I've googled for Staind (yeah you know Staind ROCKS) lyrics, I am trying to analyze all the songs I like and figure out what makes them so damn good.

With all the reading and writing exercises I've done this weekend, I'm no closer to finding the answers than I was before I started. Deep down I haven't the foggiest idea how to write a good song lyric. But shit I can write a bad one. That's hella easy! =) If the world revolved around bad song lyrics I'd be the John Lennon of shit music. But before I beat myself up anymore, which by the way I seem to do readily. Maybe all the years of repressed memories of no self esteem as a child are coming out...

For my next attempt at a song lyric I dub this little ditty "Seldom Cared"...

a million miles an hour
my life passes by my eyes
quickly I could reach out my hand
to grab a little piece
I'm scared at what I may see
if I pull my hand back in
a failure, a mistake, a scar
is this why I can't open my eyes

because it seems like people seldom cared
about the things which make up me
so what would it matter anyway
if I never showed myself

I care and seldom told anyone
that I need to reach out my hands
you could take them and show me around
I could use the needed friend

because it seems like people seldom cared
about the things which make up me
so what would it matter anyway
if I never showed myself

I could open up myself
to show exactly who I am
but I'm just not so sure
that I could deal with the pain

I really need to get some positive material written, otherwise I'm just going to have a puddle of tears next to my bed, and if I get my socks wet stepping in it by accident I'm going to be one pissed off mother%@#$^&^... =)

This post was edited by majic on Jul 06, 2004.

Ever want to do something so bad you could taste it? Well music is my life. I have this fucking love affair with my piano and guitar. It was my life. It is my life but why am I going down a totally different path??? I've been attempting to write song lyrics and this is my third attempt this week. Why does it seem that having dreams is worthless? One of these days my dreams are going to come true.

More Than I Appear To Be

I put myself in these shoes
with a feeling of something more
to be more than I am inside
I raised my right hand and swore

Sometimes the fit is less than right
I struggle along my way
I push and pull this imaginary wall
that wants to crash my day

I am more than I appear to be
not so simple as I seem
If you were to ask my name
you'd see that I have dreams

Sometimes the fit is less than right
I struggle along my way
I push and pull this imaginary wall
that wants to crash my day

I have a love inside
for things which make me whole
I am just a puzzle piece
in this world that they stole

I wear my colors proud
a simple thing I'm sure
but if you were to stand
would you sway or endure

Another holiday and I'm alone again. Ah... It feels so damn nice. I'd like to reach out and show everyone what I am made of, I'm nice, I have things to offer. Two and a half more months of isolation and I'll be home. Oh the agony... I suppose the holidays make it worse but I have myself, my music, my connection to the world and my vodka. So here I go again trying to understand myself and my purpose. Isn't it nice to question everything you are?

what do I need to do
each day I seem to fail
I pick myself up again
but come right back to
where I fell

I can't figure out the answers
I can't figure out the pain
I see it each and everyday
but still can't push it all away

for each step I take forward
I take two or three right back
and see myself in front of me
just like I thought I would

I can't figure out myself
I can't figure out the pain
I see it each and everyday
but still I can't push it all away

Here is a little poem I wrote the other day. I've been struggling for a number of months now with writers block. I just can't quite seem to capture that special something that I had back in January.

my life is a 90 mile an hour collision course into the unknown,
a train wreck tragedy with a never ending death toll,
I'm a blind fall from a dark cliff,
in the middle of the night, ten thousand miles from a caring soul,

I press on wondering about the other guy,
wondering about what could have been,
what I should have done and what might have happened,
I see the green grass in my neighbors yard,
seems much greener than mine,
I peer through a dirty window upon a perfect view,
yet the minute I step from my doorstep I'm draped in
a hazy fog.

I can't figure this place,
I can't understand the time,
I am burning inside from a flame that hates me,
the sky bleeds a crimson rain,
the wind is calling my name,
yet I am still as clueless as yesterday...