majic's journal

It's my birthday

# 46225

Well... if we go by the timezone of this website then it's not my birthday but if we go by EST then it is. Hehe.. Feb 3rd baby! Dag, I'm another year older, can't believe I made it this far. Apparently GOD doesn't want me yet or I still have stuff to do here.

Highly schizophrenic personality evenly shared between an
elder gentleman who likes to expose himself on subways and
a young prostitute with a moderate drug problem. Currently
under psychiatric surveillance for molesting a can of
baked beans and threatening to jump off a diving board.
Oh, alcoholic.

I got a real kick out of Null's profile. The quote above is great! Null you have a great imagination and know how to express it well!

There is a foul odor coming from our society...

84% | 8

# 43565

Where is the delete button? Haha!

This post was edited by majic on Aug 27, 2010.

Mom, I'm not on a planet site... WAH!!!

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# 43496

Where is the delete button? Haha!

This post was edited by majic on Aug 27, 2010.

New life

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# 43466

I came home from Afghanistan on friday after 7 months and was greeted monday by a baby boy... His name is Braeden and he's a healthy 7 pounds. Mother and son are doing well, daughter (4) is loving her new little brother... Life is good!

My daugher and son both have birthdays in September, on the 12th and 18th respectively.

Bad news is in 3 weeks I'm going back to Afghanistan to finish my year deployment. Actually it can't really be called bad at all, it's allowed me to grow and mature more.

Life is super sweet...

The Hardest Part...

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# 42589

The hardest part of being me at the point I am in life is the realization that I simply cannot find anyone to connect with on a purely intellectual and emotional level. Not the ordinary friendship with another human, that is not what I mean. I'm pointing towards the kind of person that understands you and doesn't laugh at all your oddities and mannerisms. The kind of unconditional love that transcends the daily shit that plagues our lives.

This life of mine seems to be filled with fuckers that walk around and jump to a beat that is canted by some arcane societal force that revolves around pop culture and worthless bullshit, material wealth and fads. I can't touch these people, they are untouchable and unapproachable, they are clueless and run around like zombies infected by an invisible but unbreakable gravity. I simply am not speaking the same language, I know there is more but yet I am alone.

Despite my lack of emotional contact, unfullfilled intellectual needs and general sense of loneliness I am not depressed, hardly. I am probably at the pinnacle of mental health that I have ever been. I am happy, glad to be alive and in a very cheerful care free mood daily. Infact I am scaring myself at how sunny my demeanor has been. I feel as alive as ever and I thank GOD for this.

Yet here I am crying out...

transform this emptiness
inhale and let go
feel it from your eyes
down into your soul
this me I show to others
this person that is in me
I can make it what I want
and project that which I see
today a man that walks alone
to a place I cannot see
a place I do not know
yet a place that sets me free
I hear a distant voice
I'll take a photograph to remember
all the friends I wish I had
can be so lonely on the outside
a place I stand to look in
see the sunrise then it's burning glow
this morning was a new start
tonight it slips away
I can feel the love around me
it's warm vibrant hold
I'll gladly participate in this life
if only you'll show me how
a thousand years separates me
from the place you stand
I'll run until I fall
to be that pinnacle in your eyes
a thousand years behind me
a second not too long
the skin is not too deep
to find out who I am
can be so unforgiving
to hide behind a moment
this inside is worth more
than the projection from this light
deeper than a memory
my feelings live in me
larger than the universe
my curiosity seems to be
two eyes gaze upon a foggy plane
a stumble upon a fall
picked up from where I left
only to realize
I've forgotten how to walk
I couldn't recognize another
if it hit me in the face
and stood outside my front door
begging to be within
the confining walls that I build around myself
until I tear myself inside
a faint whisper bleeds
yearning to live
to be connected with others

Someday, somehow...

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