majic's journal

As I grow older I am starting to appreciate the finer aspects of life. I am growing and with that I am realizing that I have a deep love for the human thought process, emotions and the expressed feelings in the written form of poetry. I can escape into a reality that I could never imagine inside a poem. I can go to places and feel things that I would never dream.

Poetry to me is the ultimate form of art. It's usually wrapped in a concise package that is packed with a potent kick. The thoughts are usually complex and written in forms that can take many meanings and many paths to emotions you never thought you were capable of feeling. The best poetry never describes something concretely but gives the reader enough hints for him/her to formulate their own conclusions. There should always exist a million and one possibilities because that is what makes it worth reading.

The intimate feelings and emotions in poetry excite me. I absolutely love a well written poem. If I read and reread and continue to reread and keep feeling good at the end of it then the writer has done his job well.

I am not a proponent of hand massaged, edited, reedited works. I like a work when the author has taken just the precise amount of time to write it. Not necessarily spontaneous but a work that has seemed to flow out of the mind like a water tap being turned on. Minimal editing is ok, grammatical fixes are welcome, but, a poem to me is a written thought process not an over engineered piece of machinery. Correct grammar is usually not a prerequisite because I am a firm believer that a poet can write his poem in any form, using any grammar he wishes. This way of thinking is best described by the fact that a poem is meant to be written as it should be read. English grammar cannot always convey the precise manner in which the author wants his work to be read. For example:

time and I --
	are enemies

What I want to convey by the -- is a slight pause in reading. Lots of poets do this. The two lines are connected and share a relationship but in order to fulfill the thought process the -- is needed to hint at a slight pause in reading but also signify that the two lines should be considered as a whole.

time and I --
	are enemies
eternity against mortality
	an interwoven mix of flesh and fragility
that share a sanctified bond
	that two hearts cannot co-design

I want to get into the mind of the author, I want a spiritual connection, I want to feel what the author feels. It's not so much about the words but about the emotional, primodial connections between my concious and the authors.

A poem to me is a mechanism of mental travel, a road so to speak where I can travel from my reality to the authors.

Other types of writing are much more perverse, they take a long time to convey a picture, I get bored with them quickly. I need the shortness of the poem because of the structured emotional electricty that is embedded in them. I want to be connected, reached out and grabbed and pulled in so that I can share in the reality that is in the authors thought process.

Truthfully it's all about the mental connections made and sustained by the work.

This post was edited by majic on Oct 17, 2005.

Ever felt like you wanted to fit in but couldn't quite figure out the formula? Ever think that you couldn't quite possibly understand emotions and feelings that others are feeling? Do you ever feel extremely isolated in a crowd? Do you want to be part of something and be understood?

There is a word,
there is a thought,
there is this tear I've kept inside --
	to cover my insecurities,
I can see the sun,
I can feel it's warmth,
I can take a step forward,
and look around --
	see things as they are,
I can look at you,
I can see your face,
but I can't understand the emotions --
	that you feel,
no matter the smile on your face,
nor the frown of another,
I'm oblivious to the sound,
there is a hurt,
there is a pain,
there is this cramp in my mind,
I want desperately to know,
to involve myself with understanding,
of what it is to be alive,
but have been stuck in this hazy fog --
         for so long that I fear I'll never free

I often find myself in isolation amongst people, I seem to not be able to understand nor make myself fit with the crowd. I seem to be on a different wavelength than everyone else but am so frustrated with that, that it makes me so damn angry. No matter how hard I try I simply feel like I do not belong.

Can't quite put my finger on the formula. Some people seem to click into any situation while others seem to struggle with any.

This journey of life can be extremely exciting, extremely painful and extremely frustrating. Yet life is only how we interpret it. What I think is good someone else may think is bad, what I like may not matter to another. Life is a perception in our mind and who's to say what I think is wrong and vice versa.

The Real In Us

There is this reality inside us,
there is something trapped,
it's buried in a place we've yet to find,
something we're searching for,
since we first began,

yet I continue on, on and on as if I've never felt pain...

As I listen to John Denver and escape into the reality that is his music and soul I am traveling to a distant place with beautiful landscapes. If life has anything to offer and we can make any sense of it then let us have the patience to deal with what we have in front of us. Let us take whatever life deals us and brush it off our shoulders and press on and keep writing the book that is our life. Life can be whatever we want it to be!

I spent 8 years 8 months and 10 days in the US Army.... I recently got out April 30th of this year. I spent a couple months trying to find a job and I bitched and complained like I was a little baby. Yes that is a character flaw and I am so embarrased by that and the other times in my life that I have acted so childish. It's something I have to live with and to grow from.

In my search for work I was contacted out of the blue by a potentional employer. This employer was not in my list of jobs that I submitted resumes for. I had no idea that they existed and it came as a shock to me.

I interviewed with this company and then did a follow up interview and multiple emails and telephone conversations. I quickly became obsessed with this job and would do anything in order to be hired. In the end, I was hired and ever since life has unrolled in a manner that I could only have imagined.

But to make a long story short this job has taken me on multiple trips to various cities in the US. I've had to get frequent flyer accounts with 3 different airlines and I can't express the amount of joy and happiness this new job has been giving to me.

One of my recent trips is to New Orleans where I am working with a US Army Combat Support Hospital as a systems administrator for the software and network that powers their ability to track patient records. This system is vital to their work and gives me a very distinct sense that I am helping my country in it's recovery from Hurricane Katrina. I get a sense of satisfaction from this job like I have never felt in my life. The work is simply amazing and rewarding and I am so greatful to GOD for giving me the opportunity to excell in this challenge.

This journal entry is to make light of the fact that I have bitched and complained so much but little did I know that I have had life so good and have taken so much for granted. I have a house, two cars a wife and daughter that are in good health. My wife has a great job and I have been given such a great opportunity and truthfully it would seem extremely chidish for me to complain about anything. I often feel that I have a terrible character flaw that brings out an air of negativity that I would do anything in my power to rid myself of. I have nothing in this world to complain about but yet I still do. I hate myself for this and it is the most embarrassing trait about my personality. I can't tell you how disgusted I am with myself sometimes. I have life so good and continue to complain like I am some little child that is naive and has no clue while others have lost everything and are as humble as the day they were born.

With all that said I continue my faithful service to the country I love and will forever be indebted as long as I maintain my silly naive negative complaining personality.

Despite this flaw I have alot of love to give the world.

This post was edited by majic on Oct 13, 2005.

This is yet another poem. I love writing titles to my work that stretch the engligh language and I also like to write thought provoking pieces that try to get the reader to figure out what it means to him. I've been working on this one a while and I just finished it up tonight.

This poem is entitled "There Is This Something Wonderful"

There is this something wonderful,
	something extrodinary and tangible,
a crazy sort of unexplainable,
	thats sometimes felt as unattainable,
its gravity pulls and is unmistakeable
	to a special place called remarkable, 
the feelings felt are so sensational,
	so unimaginable and irresistible,
so undeniable and susceptible,
	so incredibly audible and sensible,
that life without is not possible,
	this place is almost not plausible,
comprehensible or thinkable,
	a dream can make it physical,
touchable and corporeal,
	where desirable sensations are so sensual,
so verbal, so intentional,
	that your mind makes it all believable,
palatable and excitable,
	where euphoric vibrations are congenital,
habitual and soluble,
	love and mind are inseparable,
compoundable and emotional,
	to be without this would be unfathomable,
unquestionable and abysmal,
	only your mind can it permissable,
possible and visible,
	and only you can make it credible,
uncontrovertable and definable,

It's all about what you see and feel,
	
Tell me how you feel?

I love the use of words ending in ible, al and able. I love the flow but have been working on this so long that I figured I needed to get an ending to it. I hope you like it.

This article got me seriously thinking about something that has glanced my mind a few times over the last few weeks.

Condensing Your Life on to a USB Flash Drive?

In the recent events of Hurricane Katrina and Rita I've been pondering what to do in the event that I'm subject to a mass evacuation of some sort. I'm not sure what the best solutions are. I suppose taking a digital scanner and scanning all important documents and storing them on a thumb drive and cd's is the right thing to do. What do you think?

The question begs an answer, "What is important to save?"...

Obviously my social security, passport, drivers license, US Army contractor id card, credit cards, marriage license, birth certificate are vital items to save, but what else?

What documentation would you save in the event that you had to evacuate your home and never return...