punkitten's journal

I can't sleep. My mind is racing, my body fatigued. Every muscle cries out for rest, every brain cell fights it. I can't find relaxtion, not in a book, not in a song, not in a hot cup of tea, definetly not in my noggin. My brain is firing a hundred thousand thoughts a minute, yet I can think of nothing to say, nothing to do, nothing to put myself to rest. Nothing to put my mind at ease. No peace. No quiet. No sleep.

I've been trying since 11 pm, and it's 12.42 am. I have a final tomorrow morning at 8 am and am trying really hard not to be frustrated. I'm even drinking 'calm' tea. What helps you get to sleep quickly?

Today I feel cold all around me. Not just physically. Emotionally. It is only the second day of finals week, and really, that's not what is bothering me. Finals or no finals, I'm sick of this place. Sitting in the same tiny dorm forever with 22/24 scheduled quiet hours a day. 2/24 hours a day I actually have to go somewhere, for the other 22 I sit here, studying, reading, singing, thinking, wrapping myself up into this tiny space and feeling insignificant and emotionless. Except for the cold. The cold seeps into my brain like glue, sticking to the walls of my skull and running through my veins until it drains into my heart. Soon there will be no blood... just cold.

Four days left.

I WANNA GO HOME

One week until my golden birthday. Today I feel like I can't think at all, and then suddenly I'm drowning in my own thoughts. Like, I think I'm getting sick. Although I'm eating healthy, showering regularly, and taking all of my prescriptions and vitamins, and even though I'm not running around half as much as my friends or freaking out about deadlines and due dates and finals, I'm slumping. I've fallen into a sleepy phase. I spend somewhere from 14-18 hours a day sleeping... no joke. Is something wrong with me? When I was first diagnosed with depression, one of my key symptoms was my sleep pattern. I could not motivate myself to get out of bed. But now that I'm taking Zoloft, it's a lot better. My motivation is slowly dwindling into an idle lack of energy. All I want to do is sleep. The last few days have been worse, I've been sleeping through meals and appointments. This week is my last five days of school until mid-January. I'm wondering how I'm going to handle this issue when I move back home. The Christmas season shows no mercy toward idle college students... especially with my Mom around.

Like I said, today I feel like I can't think at all...

This post was edited by punkitten on Feb 26, 2007.

ONE WEEK LEFT

and then I'm going home. Home where my bedroom, kitchen, bathroom, basement, office, closet, and living room doesn't all fit into 10 x 15 cu ft of space. Where I don't have to compromise my space, time, money... for anyone.

12/9/2004 11:23:13 PM Kerry Hannah hannah is such a beautiful name
12/9/2004 11:23:31 PM Hannah Kerry am i supposed to write that
12/9/2004 11:23:36 PM Hannah Kerry or are you just saying it
12/9/2004 11:23:48 PM Kerry Hannah thats it doll

This post was edited by punkitten on Feb 26, 2007.