xavierenigma's journal

As a buyer of Time Warner Digital Cable, I'm used to the rare and short lived glitch in the network resulting in distorted or frozen images. Tonight, I witnessed something peculiar and strangely fascinating. Around 12:15am, I noticed what appeared to be one of the usual glitches resulting in a frozen image. Normally everything clears up in around 3-5 seconds but this time, the image had already been frozen for 15 seconds. I was watching HBO at the time so I thought I'd change channels to see what else was on and too my surprise, I discovered that all but three local channels were frozen as well. I'd never witnessed this before and by now, the freeze spanned 4 minutes.

Why would anyone possibly want to see frozen cable? There's no audio and one image can get pretty boring after a while. Nevertheless, I viewed this as an oppurtunity. Using this glitch, I could see every cable channel simultaneously. Fascinating isn't?

Now, I can tell you what is really on T.V. at some random time in the night. Some channels were frozen to screens displaying simple messages such as "XBOX 360" and or "IDLE NUTS" (Cartoon Network). One channel was frozen to a near fullscreen picture of Bill Cosby and another a picture of a golden chalace. I counted 4 promotions for movies, 1 mattress promotion, 2 air purifier promotions, 1 pest control commercial, 3 erectile disfunction medication promotions, and 3 insurance commercials ( 1 for car insurance 2 for life insurance). Isn't television fascinating?

Normal programming resumed at 12:46AM.

I awake and I ask myself what day it is. Not that it matters, everyday is the same. I get out of bed and walk to the shower sometimes without opening my eyes. The water turns on seemingly automatically. I adjust the temperature, shed my clothing, and step in. I don't really feel the water but instead feel the water from my memory. As I wash I open my eyes to notice something peculiar. Each drop of water takes with it the color of the world. My skin turns grey as the water pours down over me. I cup my hands to catch some water and splash it against the shower wall which also turns grey. I blink my eyes in disbelief and rub them lightly but still the water streams away with the color of my world. I jump out of the shower and turn off the water. I walk to face the mirror in an effort to confirm this odd happening and indeed it was true. I turn the faucet in the sink and that too began to drain the color from the area. I back away in disbelief and quickly exit the bathroom. I rub my eyes again only to be horrified when I look at my grey hands. I go to the window and notice that it had begun to rain. Outside my window, the green grass on the median fifteen stories below began to fade, all the cars cruising along the road became grey, even my neighbors coveted roses were grey now. I know i have to escape. I dress in a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I walk to the end of my flat only to discover that the door is no longer there. I turn in horror and notice that the walls had begun to leak. The color was draining from the paint and the various pictures on the walls. I quickly grab a picture of my ex trying to preserve at least one bit of color in the now almost completely grey room. I hold the picture against my chest and shiver as my world fades. I look at the picture for reassurance but to my dismay a drop of water falls from the ceiling and begins to poison my last bit of hope. I desperately try to wipe the drop away with my hand but its too late. I whisper my disbelief and move towards the balcony. I look down towards the street and all is hopeless. I look back into my flat one last time and I jump

I've always been in search of a quiet internet community where I can just put my thoughts out there. It doesn't matter if they're read or not.

I need a safe deposit box. Oddly enough, I need a public accessible safe deposit box. I don't need to protect my ideas and writings from others but rather from myself. You see, I'm very analytical. If I read my writings before I give them time to ferment, I'm dissatisifed and I often edit or completely delete them. I don't give them enough time. Naturally, the writings don't improve but instead my perception and appreciation of the writings improve.

Of course, you may wonder why I don't use something bloopdiary as a public safe deposit-that would truely be "public". By public, I do not mean easily accessible to all but merely available to all. I started on bloop and almost immediately, people known personally to me were aware of my journal. It is difficult to put things out of mind when your friends remind you of them...

Netalive just seemed to have a certain appeal unseen in other journal sites. I came across the site haphazardly on a search for something that I can't remember now. The sunset image of a desolate place was extraordinarly appealing. The theme was simple yet so inviting. The .org url hinted that this site was far from ordinary. What really captured my interest was the statement "far from the maddening crowds." finally a site without stupid users and their chain mail and other associated problems. Perfect. Here, I can protect writings and ideas from myself. Here is just far enough to hide from friends yet in reach enough to seem like a treasure when a friend discovers this. I can write about anything here. I can finish writing my stories in peace or dicuss my day to day activities. This will be my little hideout on the internet.