yoshi314's journal

This really sucks. Imagine you have low self esteem. You don't think too high of yourself. Or rather you think very low of yourself.

Now imagine you are a pessimist. You see only bad things in life. So you go for "lesser evil" instead of a "bigger good". As long as something does not bother you - it's ok. You see only things as unacceptable and acceptable. Nothing is great, cool, sweet, funky etc. Only a black-grey combination. "Very bad" , "bad" and "doesn't bother me, so it could pass".

So now you see only bad things about yourself. Positive ones seem unreal, and illusionary. If someone compliments you, you don't believe it. Since there's no way that could really be desciribing you.

Now imagine you have trouble with expressing your feelings and thoughts. It's hard to explain the way you feel, and it's even more difficult to express it with words. You don't know how you feel, and even if you knew, you could not express it, because you have trouble clearly state your thoughts.

Now imagine you're shy. On top of all that you are feeling better when there are few people to bother you. Or, preferably, none. So that makes you quite a loner.

This is how i feel everyday. Welcome to hell.

..I come back to netalive.Org ^_^
it just seems more interesting if i drop by every couple of months to check up on things. More posts to read, more topics equals more fun. Aaahh can't wait to read'em all (yup, i'm a forum freak, no doubt here :D)

still it's kinda dissappointing to notice that virtually nothing has changed. It's hard to see any changes here. Maybe i'll try harder.

Well then time to poke around to check up on things ;d

My father is the most mood-stirring element in the house.
He always makes fuss about something and always everyone is to blame. Except for him.
Recently he fixed a washing machine, and when it still didn't work ok he threw the blame on
1. Me, for not helping him (i'm not familiar with it anyway)
2. My mother and sister for being stupid and not using the thing properly. (No comments) "the machine didn't work properly? It's your mind that does not work properly!"

No, i'm not expecting any compassion and stuff. It happens on a regular basis and we are used to it.

There is a good thing about it - situations like this make me motivated to become a better person than my father has become, and to work harder to improve myself.

Things like that motivate me to work on myself and i make an effort. Surprisingly enough it helps me a lot. Looks like there are many weird places to look for good motivation.

Well...me and my girlfriend live pretty far away, so we don't get to see each other too often. (except for university, but it's summertime)

she visited me last week. of course she warned me before about it (yeah, i am exaggerating :D) . what can i tell you, being apart for a while can drive some women mad :S

ugh, i can barely move after the weekend, i'm so exhausted. so take my advice and always keep your girls handy (no pun intended whatsoever) :D

don't know how about the female part of the forums...is it also the other way around? :>

Time to try a journal :/ (i'm not communicative anyway, so don't expect too much)

been there, done that.
returned to fluxbox windowmanager.
repaired some more PC's (i guess i'm closing to 200, never cared to count before, though )
discovered amaroK audio player
discovered audioscrobbler musical service ( www.audioscrobbler.com www.audioscrobbler.com/user/yoshi316 )
found new good friends on IM networks. (totally unexpected)

there are still people to meet, pc's to fix, software to discover. and the possibilities behind all that.

.future is unexpected.