Reading MelMel's journal

for the past week and a half i've been on school holidays. yay, i guess...

as much as I enjoy being away from school, i've realised just how much I miss it.

For me I have virtually no way to express myself. by coming on NAO this is the first time i've ever tried. and i'm noticing myself slipping away from it all, just sitting abck and reading about everyone else's lives.

i need a way to express myself. words just can't do it, there isn't always a word to do it for you.

i dont draw, i dont write, music doesn't work for me either.

but I think i've found a way. Drama. I didn't realise how much I miss it. The chance to step outside your life and be someone else, just for hour. that hour leaves me content enough for a few days until my next drama class.

i can't wait until I go on drama tour. for me it will be a two week retreat. I'll probably be extremely antisocial to prevent myself from killing two or three people but generally i like everyone there.

I am playing Titania in A Midsummer Night's Dream. for me, this an extremely hard role. i am nothing like that. well I do the bitchy thing at the start well,but other than that, I don't flirt or crack onto guys.

for me, that's just setting myself up for disaster. you're listening to the girl voted most likely in her class "to never have a boyfriend, or even a girlfriend". hmmmm, worrisome eh? :P

anyway, even though i suck at acting my teacher still gave me a role. i guess the fact that i understand shakespeare whilst only four others in the cast do may have had a teensy bit to do with it but still. she trusted me enough to give me this role, and all i've done is complain about how much I suck.

So i've made a resolution. even though i suck i enjoy it. i'm going to keep going and try. i've never really tried because i've always assumed i'll get dodgy roles. what have i got to lose. if it can make me that happy when i don't try...i wonder what i'll feel like when i do?

just my thoughts...if i write them down i'm obligated to go through with them.

-mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

At times I live vicariously through my friends, music idols (I already know you think I'm pathetic, no need to tell me again), books and music as well. But you need some way to express yourself! I totally empathize. Music? What about that?

I draw slash write. Very badly, but only I read it so who gives a shit? My sketchbook is full of plants and symbols of growth at the moment, so I would so that (at least subconciously) I'm going through a good part of life. As I know it.

You're surrounded by music. Isn't that the best way of expressing yourself (not that I would know, what with my crapassed attempts at making something that sounds like it)? Or perhaps the music that surrounds you is part of the suffocating fence...

Anyway I'm supposed to ring Angie back so I'd better go. Love you all.

unfortunatly music does not work for me. i do enjoy playing flute, but a large amount of the reason i play is to get that nice looking certificate which hopefully has my name spelt right on it (they can never spell my surname!!! name originated from germany, then got changed in Sri Lanka/Ceylon...don't ask, long story...)yes so i want that certificate saying "melissa has passed with honours in fifth grade flute examinations"

sometimes singing works for me. i search everywhere for appropriate song, learn it, spend a week belting it out til it sounds perfect and i no longer feel the way i did, but i don't know, that doesn't seem to work anymore either. i can't find the right song...and im shocking at writing them. and then also it becomes a "the diction was wrong there, crecendo third verse, put emotion, stop it from sounding whiny, fix the breathing, GET THE NOTES RIGHT!!" etc...

so music isn't overly helpful to me!

oh well
-mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

So i've made a resolution. even though i suck i enjoy it. i'm going to keep going and try.

Good on you!

I am playing Titania in A Midsummer Night's Dream.

I can't wait to see it. :)

Which world is Plato in?

MELMEL!!!!
Yeth, it is Angilur here....! You can always tell my posts by the unsophisticated language and strange terms used in my posts. I know what you mean when you say you can't express yourself, especially when it seems like you're not good at anything. For example, my piano is terrible, I can't write, drawing takes too much effort and everything else is boring (except going to the op shop with you Mel!!) So what else is left but to run around aimlessly like a demented frog while yelling,"ooohh, ahhhh, I godda get out!"
Sorry, this hasn't helped has it?

The only normal people are the ones you don't know very well