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Righto, you guys probably heard enough about my drama ensemble presentation, but you're about to hear more...
in my theatre class, for our semester assesment, we get put into groups and have to come up with a 20 minute performance which meets certain criteria.
this semester, i actually managed to get put into a talented group! you see, we each get to put down two people we want in our group, and four we don't. there is normally three groups of talented people, and two groups of shit people who everyone says they DONT want to be with. i have always been in the latter. However, this time i was in a good group, with good people, and none of them hated me!
if you don't understand what this feels like, think boack to your school years, you will.
these people are excellent actors. two out the five were the schools best. one other, who is actually one of my friends, is a fantastic dancer, and the other girl was one of those annoying all rounder people...sings, dances, acts...completely thick! but hey, you can't have everything! ;)
so we came up with an excellent script. here we come to names...i'll just use character names. we were a theatre troupe, the HJF (Hot Jam Fonut) players, who get booked by accident instead of the Hot Jam Donuts (private joke: my brother's jazz band is the Hot Jam Donuts...cheap shot) to advertise SNAG and Co's latest product. we decided it would be dog biscuts.
Disclaimer: we wanted to make it funny, and therefore used as many lame jokes and cheap shots as we could. It is not our fault :)
in the HJF players there are five members, the diector plus four cast. the director, Max Imum, has mood changes reflected by the volume of his voice. he is desperatly in love with Gail Force-Winds one of the players, obssessed with dancing and is your typical showgirl. however, she wants to kill him and become director. (the plot thickens: however you will need to beat for at least three hours untill it is ready)
Gail is freinds with Candy, your typical ditzy character, chews gum obviously, only wears pink...
next up, Reginald. Ummmm, how can i describe him. costume was a seventies suit (white, blue pinstripe, flare, with blue silk shirt). but fly was unndone with shirt sticking out, walked incredibly strangely and spoke in a strange sort of whisper. memorable line, addressed Max as the following "Mr cheif, boss, man, sir, cheif, sheep herder, man, friend of Jerusulem....what am I going to do?" not as funny in text....one of those you've gotta be there type things. but moving on...
Lastly there was me. Tigerlily. the gothic satanist. i used a crappy stereotype and based my whole character around it. before i go on, i would like to say, I am not proud of this. what you guys need to understand is the pressure I was under from this group of amazing actors who were stuck with me. I didn't want to drag them all down. that is why i allowed myself to act the way i did.
my costume was: heels, fishnets, mini skirt, corset style top, and a jacket, the same length as the skirt... i painted a cobweb and spider onto my face with blood red lipstick outlined in black. i had fake slits on my wrists.
i am so sorry to anyone my costume offended. It was not meant to offend anyone in anyway.
i spoke in monotone with perfect diction. i had a way of moving when i looked at someone by first moving my eyes then following through with my head. i recited slyvia plath. sat on audience members. By the way, this was so much more alarming because of my size. i am a size sixteen, that in a miniskirt.is, well...alarming!
i also attempted to bite people. nothing more to say on that.
so it is now all over. sort of.
Basically the whole school thinks i am a slut. i already had a reputation for being different. many people thought i was a goth. also, i have never had a boyfriend (no this isn't one of those woe betide me, my life sucks as there is no male there posts) people found it very easy to say "yeah, well, Mel's a goth and she's that desperate that she would become a slut just to get a guy, or even a girl"
i am not a goth, i am not a slut, and i am not a lesbian. i have nothing against people who are any of the above, but i hate being classified as something i am not.
now most students believe I am. and what makes it worse, is even some teachers think i am. i have always gotten along well with my theatre teacher, at least i thought we did, and now she hates me. i can see it in her.
I feel disgusted with myself. what i did wasn't acting.
Even more than that, i feel disgusted because there were certain aspects of me in Tigerlily. I hate myself for allowing this to happen. everything in my character was against my morals. but i could still feel an awful lot of me in that performance. my morals never existed.
i am one of those people i've always hated. one of those who acts a certain way because of what people will think of me.
i make myself sick.
Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!
Thank you so much for replying. this is something i have been thinking about for a few weeks now. it means alot when i see a post like yours pop up!
you're a whole lot better than you let on!
well, i wouldn't know. i've never actually tried my best. i always get the dpressed, homicidal role it would appear, and i sisn't want to do it too well in case i got sent back to our school councilor again, who is, well, you see, she...didn't help me very much, and , she, well, is...slightly scary.
and then i got landed with this role. i decided to almost try, and this is what happened.
my next role is Titania from A Midsummer Nights Dream. for those of you who haven't read it (for shame, for shame, for shame) she is the fairy queen. she starts of ithcy towards the fairy king, they are seperated and the king wants a child who she possesses. she starts of incredibly catty, that I'm good with.
Oberon, the king, seeks revenge on her by getting his assistant Puck/Robin Goodfellow to cast a spell on her tha she shouldfall in love with the next thing she sees. puck is a mischeiveous sprite and decides that for the hell of it, he'll shove a donkey's head onto a mechanical called Nick Bottom who will wake titania up.
Titania then shamelessly throws herself at Bottom. this continues for a few scenes...Oberon then wakes her and she becomes bitchy, but loves Oberon once more.
so im in a dilema about what to do. this one of the productions we are taking on tour to New Zealand. however, we are performing it at school twice before.
my current thinking is that i might do a crap job whilst performing AT SCHOOL, but do my best in New Zealand.
that would solve a whole lot of problems for me. but the thing is, i need to do well in this production, this is the first, and probably only, lead role i will get. i ned to prove that i am worthy of getting one later on as well. in 2005 i will be in my final year of school. we are probably doing Jesus Christ Superstar as our production which has limited amounts of female roles. personally, i think we should do Pirates of Penzance, but that's just my opinion...i think i would make an excellent Ruth...
anyway, back on subject, i have two options. do my best: deal with the school. students and staff. shouldn't be tooo bad as i leave one week after performance.
do average: feel bad about myself, but stay safe, in my little coccoon.do well in NZ to apppease my conscionce. (and learn how to spell)
the thing is, i know that my life would be so much easier if id act a little slutty and moralless. it would be much easier to get friends, and a guy, and ytherefore fit in. don't think it hasn't croossed my mind that all i need to do is change the length of my skirt and nobody will give a damn what a think.
after the other performance, i was physically sick. acting has made me realise things about mysself which i didnt know, and dont like.
so this is my next situation.
and no, i can't just not do it, despite all this i love it. the chance to be somebody else for just a few hours...it's like a fix to me. i hang out for my next one. i know that it'll be bad afterwards, but those few moments, will be complete bliss and exhileration.
just my ramblings...
Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!
Hey Mel. Popped in sporadically (hoho).
We all do things because of what other people think. I base entire days, weeks, important decisions on what other people think. I'm just as shallow as everybody else, but too pretentious to admit it. And now you do it once and you're feeling bad. Proves what a good person you are, and how strong your beliefs are. But that's just my opinion.
What you did was acting, maybe you just think it wasn't very good acting. (Moreover, you were much better that other anonymous parties... cough, cough, if that's any consolation.)
You were entertaining, comical - you did what you had to do. Furthermore (this is starting to sound like a history essay), you didn't have a choice! "I also tried to bite people." God you are so fucking funny.
Remember, ages ago, when you said you had a severe case of paranoia? Do you think you've go that again with your drama teacher? I never speak to her of course, so I wouldn't know. How can you tell she hates you? (Before I go on, I'M NOT INSINUATING ANYTHING, DAMMIT!).
In the end... it will pass. It always passes. I do shitty stuff to people and they forgive me, Queen Stufferuperer. People have their skils for Forgetting and Ignoring finely honed.
Nothing more to say. Want to go see The Matrix Reloaded on Sunday? Love from Rachel.
This post was edited by lemonyeyes on May 30, 2003.
(Moreover, you were much better that other anonymous parties... cough, cough, if that's any consolation.)
Hypothetically speaking of course...
Proves what a good person you are, and how strong your beliefs are. But that's just my opinion.
Yay. Compliments...keep 'em comin'! Heh Heh.
yes...you should have told me about going to the city....grrr...mind you, i had a nice time sleeping untill 2:00, then watched day time TV (yes, i wantched Passions...if your interested an evil warlock who i couldn't work our the gender of was attempting to burn down a house with timmy and tabatha in it)
oh yes, Timmy. Guess where my Aunt and Uncle are moving to in america...a place called South Park. Ho Hum. shall send Mr. C. to visit them on his way to CANADA! (pronounced, can-ay-di-a)
Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!