Reading Salvial_Ten's journal

Have you ever felt that no matter what you do or say, everyone is going to turn against you and there isn't anything you can do about it. I live in that state of mind most of the time, and I'm not sure how to get out of it. Usually I do not cry, nor do I feel the need to do so, but I swear lately it's all that I want to do. And there really isn't any sort of feeling attached to this need of shedding tears, just the act its self, in a state of near paralized numbness, just cry. I have no idea why I rant on about it. Not like it's a particularly important topic, nor will many of you care to hear it. Yet here I am, typing away.

You fail it.

Well,

to be honest with you i have felt this way before, though it has been a good while. In reference to the recent desire to cry, i believe the reason for it is not emotional but spiritual. It has been my experience that tears are a great way to clear the soul and open your awareness to the spiritual forces at work around you. But, i would suggest also finding someone whom you can have nearby when you decide to cry, tis bst to not do it alone, even if the person does nothing but be there, there presence can help remind you that you are not alone.

Good luck.

Thanks, I've not really come across anyone who has ever pointed out a spiritual side to crying.

You fail it.

Funny, how much we have in common, how much we relate, but we know nothing of eachother. That world you live in, i once lived there too. But, i found a very thin path leading away from it, and now I have found, a world of peace, and this place, is not meant for me alone. Its meant for everyone to find, but only if they are willing to change. Interested? Here is your first test. Pick a day, where all day long, you will turn every event into something optimistic. In every moment, you can find something good in it. Try it, if you dare, and tell me what happends. But only if you held to being optimistic all day long... We shall see, =).

Well said, samuraiofthephoenix. This is truly the starting point to any journey towards success, joy, or whatever. One must first be able to affect what is inside before being able to affect the outside. In turn the outside world responds to you by reinforcing your internal attitude. Escape from despair is not a passive waiting for joy, but an active search for it even in the most mundane. Joy does not depend on things or people. There are many who are surrounded by friends and have lots of money but are still despairing. Joy is a lifestyle. It is deciding to wake up one morning and

turn every event into something optimistic

“To God, there is no zero. I still exist.” Scott Carey, The Incredible Shrinking Man

I suspect your desire to cry is the same as your reason to write here, you're looking for a way to express your pain. And I think it helps when someone listens.

As to the problem itself: Judging from this post and your website I'd say the main problem might be low self esteem?
Childoftheblood is right, the starting point is to change inside. However, "simply" being optimistic might not always be enough. To be respected you first need to respect yourself. I can't say you don't, but it doesn't really show - making you vulnerable.
How to change that? Sorry, I don't really know :-(. Be proud of who you are. Being "normal" is nothing to be achieved.

'Repent, Harlequin!' said the Ticktockman. 'Get stuffed!' the Harlequin replied, sneering.

I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to get back to everyone on your suggestions. I just started a new job at a department store and it's been quite taxing on my time and I would not have been able to give them a much deserved thought out reply. However I have read these replies and have started taken your adivice into effect. I've been doing some mental re-evaluation of the things in my daily life and trying to work out some of the more negative and non-thought provoking influences. I also desided to take the optomistic approach to the new job, and thus far I've managed to hold to most of my optomism. Though, sadly I find myself falling into a few negative thoughts.

It's good to know that I'm not the only one who feels such a specific nothingness to the point of that nothingness becoming a depression of sorts, without the suicidal thoughts or moping attached. Just sadness and possible tears. I've started to come pass that feeling now, hopefully the next stage will be less of an encombersome one.

You fail it.