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The day I became a teenager, I swore to myself that I would never fit the stereotype associated with people of my age group. Yet here I am--1:30 in the morning, pouring my heart out to an internet forum, all because of my unease and inability to connect with my peers. This is my first post, and I am not completely familiar with the etiquette here, so I'm just going to try my best.
For the past six years I have been enamored with one girl, but because of my lack of confidence (or self-esteem for that matter), I've never made it known to her. After about a year of liking her, I finally worked up the courage to become friends with her. For a while, this was satisfying enough, but what I really wanted was to have a relationship with her.
Realizing that our paths were about to diverge for what could be forever (we each graduate at the end of this next year), I decided that if I ever wanted to have anything beyond friendship with this girl, I would have to begin working on it immediately.
So what began as a casual friendship started to develop into hanging out at parties and large social gatherings, to hanging out in small groups, to one-on-one events, and finally to what would be considered dates in the most classical sense.
As you can imaagine, after a series of dates, I actually began to feel confident that we could have a relationship. But this is where I was wrong. After the final of what was a 3 month series of perfect dates, I asked her to be my girlfriend, only to have her tell me that she "thought we were just friends."
I guess that all that I'm looking for out of this is a little bit of release, a way to vent some emotion and disappointment. People have constantly been telling me over the course of this torrid (albeit one-sided, haha) love affair that, "it's better to get your feelings out there and get shut down than to wonder if there was ever a chance for things to happen." Well I don't know about everybody else, but I was a lot happier living in my illusion. Any advice or realizations into what I did wrong would be greatly appreciated. Thanks.
try to hold on to this heart a little bit longer
Jul 29, 2003 09:43 # 14331
You two enjoyed three wonderful months together. There's no need to bash those great memories.
"it's better to get your feelings out there and get shut down than to wonder if there was ever a chance for things to happen." Well I don't know about everybody else, but I was a lot happier living in my illusion.
Speaking from my own experience, I think the reason why there is some wisdom in this saying after all is that having been turned down helps you to get over her. I believe you when you say you were a lot happier living in your illusion but were you truly happy?
I suppose that, despite the near perfect dates, sometimes at night you did have doubts, and also wished for more physical closeness with her. But hey, it wouldn't have happened even if you had decided to stay inside the illusion. One day the illusion would have turned sour and it's a good thing that you opted for the better way out.
Maybe the only way to get over a long crush is to meet someone else. By bringing up the courage to ask her to be your girlfriend you earned the best requirements for this to happen. Because illusions tend to kling to you long past their date of expiry. Because now you are not going to waste three years of your life in apathy while you could meet someone to wipe out all the unfulfillment of your old crush, and then some.
'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion
It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. When i was in HS, and actually as early as seventh grade i was like you with a girl, who later became a friend, i never had the courage to do what you did, and now, after the chance has passed, i have found out that she felt the same. Even though in your case it didnt work out, i applaud you for your courage and remind you that illusions do not make us happy, they simply shield us from the truth.
Thanks a lot to both of you guys, hearing things from people that aren't my closest friends (no offense intended, hehe) helps a lot--impartial third parties. Your insights really have made me feel better, as typing out my story also did. I've been a member here for 2 days now, and I'm already enjoying the benefits of membership, so thanks again.
try to hold on to this heart a little bit longer
Ok ... Let me get this straight..You've essentially bared your heart to her..and she says I thought we were just friends.. that hurts like a motherfu*** it does I know I've been there But I'm going to give her the benefit of the doubt and assume she doesn't realize how True your feelings for her are. My advice would not be to lay down and die but don't go nuts trying so hard that you drive her away..Keep up the friendship but you need to actually Tell her how you feel and C O m M u Ni C a T E with her.. That is the one mistake alot of guys make..they have no clue on how to communicate..I lost the girl of my dreams because I had absolutly no communication skills. Anyway point is if the Idea has no been introduced to her...Give her a little bit of time to think it out and make sure to keep the Comms open
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