Reading Love and Lifesense

Im skilled in this area.... I have a clear perception and see all sides and solutions.... If you need help, im all ears

"We All Live In A World Of Political Subsitution." -Serj Tankian

It is safe to say, that I am in love. It's taken months and months, but I am now comfortable saying this. It's just so hard because he lives half the country away from me. Also, he knows nothing of what I feel. A while ago, he told me he thought he was falling for me, but I told him I didn't have any romantic feelings for him. That's my problem. Whenever I am confronted or given a situation like that, I duck out. I can't say what I feel although he is in my thoughts every hour of every day. I don't know if he still feels the way he did when he told me he had feelings, and I don't know if I really care. I just want him in my life. I'm sorry, this post doesn't describe anything that I want to say. I think I love him more than he does me, and that's what hurts the most. I know that he feels something, but I don't know what. I'm not sure why I'm posting this, but I am. Any thoughts?

Hmmm... I'll be blunt too. I think your problems are deeper than telling him "how you feel." You love him, but don't really care about him; but as I mention below, that's not the case either. The two don't necessarily go together. They really should, but don't always. I think the issue is that you don't know what you feel; or even what TO feel; or perhaps HOW to feel. Without knowing you, it's hard to tell.

It is safe to say, that I am in love. It's taken months and months, but I am now comfortable saying this. It's just so hard because he lives half the country away from me. Also, he knows nothing of what I feel.

This may not be the best start for a relationship. I guess I have to ask the same question to you too: Is there a reason why you can't find someone closer to home?

A while ago, he told me he thought he was falling for me, but I told him I didn't have any romantic feelings for him. That's my problem. Whenever I am confronted or given a situation like that, I duck out.

I don't think you "ducked-out." It seems like you lied. Or else you mean you don't have sexual feelings for him. (Love isn't romantic?) Or perhaps you don't trust yourself enough to be intimate with him, and you transfer intimacy to mean "romantic feelings." Obviously you do have feelings for him. I think they ARE romantic feelings, but the real problem is with intimacy.
But I could be wrong.

ATTENTION TO THIS THOUGHT:

I can't say what I feel although he is in my thoughts every hour of every day.

And why not? Do you, yes or no, REALLY love him?

I don't know if he still feels the way he did when he told me he had feelings, and I don't know if I really care.

Sometimes I don't care what my boyfriend says either. But there are times I've told him just exactly what he means to me. What does this man mean to you? Are you WILLING to tell him what he means to you, one way or the other? Could this be a defense mechanism to keep from being hurt?

I ask myself: Zen, if she loves him, thinks about him all the time, she

just wants him in her life

then it should be pretty obvious that she DOES care for him. But she says she doesn't. Why?

Also, he knows nothing of what I feel.

(Of course, you haven't told him, and that's a big problem.) She loves him, cares for him, thinks about him all the time, but then can't tell him this. Why?

I'm sorry, this post doesn't describe anything that I want to say.

I disagree. It says alot. It says that you're confused. Join the human race :)

I think I love him more than he does me, and that's what hurts the most. I know that he feels something, but I don't know what. I'm not sure why I'm posting this, but I am. Any thoughts?

What would happen if you e-mailed him your exact post, (or edited slightly) telling him how ambivalent you are? What would be the worse thing that can happen? At the least, your relationship would move to a very different place...for good, bad, or otherwise.

Let me end on this note: I think that you'll do the right thing. I hope that I said something that you can use. While reading your post, I started thinking. I'm really just trying to make sense of what you were saying. Good luck and may the gods go with you.

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

This post was edited by zen on Dec 13, 2003.

Well you can read my post, " im sorry for my bad words on my post"What Should I Do?????", but help me out email me or reply, would be best"

Peace out ..

HI,

I`m 25 old female and I`m confused!!!!I hope you can help me.

Here is the case:

I`M IN LOVE 29 old guy .We live in 2 different countries.

Now my problem is that he says I`m the only one in his life and he really loves me but I think it`s just in words because he never calls me or send me email while he is always online with MSN and Yahoo messenger he never answer my messages!!!when I ask him why ,he says "I`m busy with my work and studies and I`m not at my desk to answer your pms"!!

He came to my country 3 months ago and he said he was here only for me but I just saw him 3 times in 30 days!?!?and he spent all his time with his family he just called 4 times while he has cell phone and etc..everytime I asked him why he told me "Honey I cant because my family needs me to be with them too"

Now do you think he loves me??should I belive him??what should I do now???

Thanks

Oops!!

This post was deleted by request of the author.

"you're mighty brave in cyber-space, flame boy!"

Ditto.
There's no lines to read between.

My thought is this: Why CAN'T you find someone closer to home?
Unwillingness? or something else?

Oh, btw, EVERYTHING he told you is complete bullshit. (I'd do exactly the same thing if I had to.)

And that's a guy's perspective.

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

This post was edited by zen on Dec 13, 2003.

I could use some advise. I have this girlfriend. We seem to be serious and talk about marriage alot. Although her actions say completely different than her words. She still talks to old boyfriends and still chats online with men. When I ask her about it she says that men are just better to talk to. Yes,but I know these guys still arent just interested in her mind, if you know what I mean. She shines them on as if interested but doesnt meet them (to my knowledge). I am deeply in love with this woman but I feel like she isnt with me. I keep feeling like there are secrets she wont tell me. Like the other day. I know she cheated on her last boyfriend, she admitted it, and I found her chatting online with the same guy she cheated on him with. She says it was nuthing, but the fact that she was talking to him wasnt nuthing to me. Am i wrong about this? Am i just getting worked up over nuthing?
-Thanks

If I may be so bold as to offer an unsolicited opinion...
It sounds like this is one more case of two people not com-municating, or being able to talk.

I'm sure that she doesn't think that what she's doing is bad, or wrong, or hurtful. (At least I hope not.) Some people are just like that. She may very well be secure and happy in the relationship, but just be "curious."

In the case of my partner, there's things that he wants to see in a naked figure, so he has lots of naked pictures of guys. This bothers me alot. But I know he isn't cheating on me, so I let him have his Megs worth of pictures. On the other hand, I have lots of pictures of guys that I like too. He could never compete with them. They're basically just sex objects in 2-D. My boyfriend is the person that I love. Electronic images are nowhere near the same thing.

In your case, the other people are interacting with her and there's a big difference. Whether this is tech-nically "cheating," or it just appears that way, it actually doesn't matter. It bothers you. To you this whole issue is hurtful. And quite honestly, if nothing else will, this would break you up...whether either want it to or not.

You need to have a talk with her. Tell her that you want to talk and set an "appointment," so she can't opt-out half way through. Tell her what's important, and tell her how you feel about all of the "cheating" (i.e. getting in touch with one she cheated on, etc. Ask her if he knows that she cheated on him. This will tell alot. Perhaps tell her that you're concerned that she might do it to you. Watch her reaction. The eyes tell everything. Tell her how serious this relationship is to you. Quite honestly, if you can't trust this girl now, where is it headed?

"Best intentions" aside, the most important thing is to protect yourself. And that's a guy's perspective.

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

Re: I give advice in mattters of the heart
What a great way to meet guys!

I'll have to offer the same to the ladies :)

Once Fred Neitszche declared God is Dead, f*ck became the most important word in the English languag

This post was edited by zen on Dec 13, 2003.