Reading Magnifico's journal

Once again, the caffeine takes hold.

The workload from school is agonizing. Again. The workload from swimming is agonizing. For the first time ever. Another essay due in the morning, and it's like the only thing keeping me going is the caffeine.

I feel torn emotionally right now; there are so many things dividing me. I don't think I've got a particularly hard life, but it seems like I just get so overwhelmed by the one thing really biting at me right now, that I am so besieged by despair for just a matter of seconds, that I nearly lose consciousness. I feel weak because of this. It's just that this feeling permeates my very being sometimes, and, coupled with all the crap I have to put up with 8 hours a day, five days a week, that I just sort of lose control for a little while.

I don't feel the rejuvenation from winter that I'm used to. Perhaps because it doesn't feel like winter here yet.

I feel, sometimes, that the elements are conspiring against me, trying to break me. And sometimes I feel stupid for feeling this, for thinking that my lot is so rough. But it's hard to see things from a different perspective with your head down, staring at the cracks.

I fucking hate my caffeine problem. And I fucking hate all of these problems riddling my mind.

Thbbbbt