Reading POWF's journal

Trust is such a fragile thing. The littlest notion that someone could not be telling the truth can puncture the thin bubble surrounding you and that person. It can lead to sleepless nights, paranoia & emotional hell, just to name a few. Even something completly obsurd coming from someone's mouth that is so removed from you could plant the seed in your head that maybe something isn't right here.

After the idea is implanted into your head, its hard to forget. No matter how crazy it sounds, you start to peice together little occurances that could possible make this rumor true. You overanalyze every little thing and in your fevered mind, it becomes an actual reality.

You speak to the person that this has been said about. They are appalled that something like this could even be said about them. They go on and on, getting more and more mad at this injustice aimed towards them. They tell you valid points on why this could never be true, and why it could of never happened. You take it all in, relize that at the moment when you are with them that they must be telling the truth. Everything is OK for a couple of hours, while he hold you in his arms.

Then its time to go home. You lie in bed, the warmth of his body beginning to melt away, leaving a cold, harsh feeling that is creeping into your brain. The trust you felt was reborn such a short while ago starts to quickly rot. Those feelings & insecurities start leaking back into your tired brain. The overanalyzing and picking apart of his words starts. Another sleepless night insues.

These feelings begin on their cyclical pattern. Hot, cold, hot, cold. You wan't to be happy. You don't want to dig deeper, trying to find the truth. Ignorance is bliss, or so they say.

One day you wake up. Anger & discust is pouring out of your head. It has all added up. The pent up feelings inside you have devised a warped reality of what you think it real. He calls, you lash out, your called crazy and its done. Now there is nothing, and you feel strangly relived.

This is how relationships are broken.

We should of brought a bag of rocks....

This post was edited by POWF on Nov 28, 2003.

You lie in bed, the warmth of his body beginning to melt away

Love that line!

Beautiful and tragically honest. Don't start building a wall, though. It'd be very painful when a time comes that you have to tear it down.

Attack, el Robot. Attack!

A quote i always remember is "trust is like a crystal vase, once broken, it can never be repaired"

i always hope something will come along and prove it wrong but so far...no suck luck.

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Wow. Sudden violent reality check. I think somewhere in my subconcious, i've begun to do this. To put up this... wall of no trust. Mostly because for months at a time my love is away and its so easy to be influenced by all of these people who just want me to leave him, becaue he chose me and not them. And i know that they are wrong, but i still cant get rid of that subconcious 'what if...'

Your entry has made me kind of wake up to it, and i'm going to stop it before it gets so far that i leave him, or that he leaves me. I wouldn't be able to live with that.

Thank you, for this entry, because its melancholic but so true.

I'm very handy with a meat-cleaver, ~Arei Drea