Reading entertainus's journal

Feb 04, 2004 12:44 # 19530

entertainus *** posts about...


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I have a tendency for depression and self-pity; I can get pretty pathetic. I thought I'd gotten over it but the same shite is back. I'm back. Gahh.

Basically I am a person who needs to be the best at everything, and needs attention [like any human being does]. I hate to be "average". But I'm prone to feeling this way...

I'm too tired to talk about it, sorry, I might finish this post later. Good night.

Feb 04, 2004 13:54 # 19532

majic *** replies...

Re: Gahh~!!

Basically I am a person who needs to be the best at everything, and needs attention [like any human being does]. I hate to be "average". But I'm prone to feeling this way...

I'm somewhat of the opposite... or rather I know how difficult it is to be the best and I try and 99.9999% of the time I fail. I respect others that achieve this greatness and I long for it. However I'm human and I make errors and I make mistakes and I get down at times, okay lots of times. Self pity is easy and I've traveled lonesome down this road. It's dark and cold and ominous and a place I'd rather shy away from.

In my eternal quest to be good at something or be the best I can be, I've gained a level of respect from accomplishing something, anything. Something more that what I had before is progress and should be marked with some level of enthusiasm and contentment for a job well done. If we try, we succeed. The best is what we can do. We should not compare ourselves with others, we should compare our accomplishments with our own accomplishments. If we have learned and done a better job than we have bested ourselves and therefore are defacto the best in our own eyes.

Life is worth so much more when we can forget about what society is doing and do something for ourselves.

Feb 05, 2004 06:52 # 19548

MelMel *** replies...

Re: Gahh~!!

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I have a tendency for depression and self-pity

i know this isn't the answer you want but i do have a good point here even if you dont see it. We're teenagers, adolescents...Apparently we know and feel nothing real. We are angst-ridden.

I cant really argue with that as teenage life is the only one i know. In my mind adolescence is realising the world is shit, and adulthood is realising you cant do anything about it and learning to say "fuck it"

but, to put it quite simply, you are not average. You are not a normal teenager. I think you feel more deeply then most others. However because of you're maturity, you also know that you have to pretend at least to say "fuck it" and pretend to not care.

I hate to be "average". But i'm prone to feeling this way...

I think you feel average when you cant express yourself properly for whatever reasons. When you do let down your guard that little bit, i know sound so cliched and i giv you permission to hit me repeatedly later, but its like your flying. Seriously, when you get lost in your own thoughts and think noone is looking i can see you simply there, feeling. And you're content then.

I know there is nothing i can do to change how you are feeling at the moment but i also hope you know that i am there for you and that i do watch and worry even when you say nothing.

Oh, and by the way, they are not smarter or better then you in anyway.


Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Feb 05, 2004 11:55 # 19555

entertainus *** replies...

Re: Gahh~!!

The world isn't shit, I just can't seem to take off my... glasses that make everything seem shit.

See, for a while recently I was really happy, but that happiness came from knowing [whoops, I mean thinking] that I could do anything I wanted, and that's what made life beautiful for me. But now that's gone, because I feel stupid and not good at anything... I'm sure this will pass in a while.

I always pretend not to care. But you know I do.

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