Reading hells_angel's journal

It took me almost 20 years to realize that life is one great big sick joke. I am going to some hellhole college where there is nothing to do. I'm always stuck worrying about everyone else but me and it sucks cuz when I have a problem no one wants to talk to me. My brother got caught smoking weed and he got kicked out of school for a while, my mother is paranoid now that my other brother is smoking weed too. But please I knew a long time ago that they were both smoking weed. My friends are always mad at me for some reason or another anymore. I laugh for the sake of having everyone think that I'm ok and nothing is wrong cuz I have to the strong tough girl that comes off like nothing bothers me but at the end of the day all I do is just cry myself to sleep and wake up and start this thing called life again. I mean its not enough for me to have my own problems but then I have to deal with my mom and her seizures and my brother's blood disorder and hoping that he doesn't get a nose bleed, and my step dad being in jail for his D.U.I. (driving under the influence of alcohol) but he swears on his life that he doesn't have a drinking problem. He always told me when I was growing up that it was everyone else who had the problem with his drinking. I used to run away from home but I'd always have to go back because I couldn't find anywhere to stay. I didn't want to stay home and deal with my step dad's drinking, I didn't want to worry about saying something wrong and starting a fight with him, I didn't want him to slap me and beat me and drag me back in the house when I was out on the roof climbing down it so I could just escape for a few hours. I grew up way to fast and everyone is always telling me I have to believe in something. I don't believe in anything, maybe the music that’s the only thing that is keeping me from killing myself.

Take your time don't live to fast troubles will come and they will pass