Reading Gaile's journal

Its been 3 months now since my mother passed away. Things up till now has been so strange. Sometimes I feel as though somehow its not real, but I know for a fact that shes gone. I catch myself at times seeing something I know she would have loved in life (like orchids or a diamond pendant on Valintines) and I mistakenly say to myself that somehow I'll see her again and be able to give her all those gifts that I was never able to give her. But then it hits me that im trying to kid my self, that i'll never really see her again. But then I still have an urge to buy that present...just in case. Very foolish I know but there is so much I want to give her to show my mom I loved her but I was never old enough until now but it was too late. I miss her so much. There is so much things that I would like to change, so much things that I regret now but its all too late. I want her to know I love her so much. time is something I hate now, the worst and most merciless of entities.

.....lost in my wonderland......

Gaile, Please know that your mother loves you and it's not silly to feel the way you feel right now, your processing and thats okay to do, you have to go through things like that. And ya know it's not a dumb thing to do if you still want to buy her gift's, buy the gifts and keep them, I dont know how old you are but if you ever have children you can always tell them about they're grandmother and give them something to let them know what she was like and the things she liked as well. I have not lost my mother but GOD know's I don't know what it would do to me if I did. My mother lost her mother two years ago and that was the most difficult thing I have ever had to watch my mother go through. I am so much like her and she has been my rock that is by far my biggest fear and I have the upmost respect for you talking about this and being strong.
I will say a prayer for you...
Shannon...

Thank you

.....lost in my wonderland......

Gaile,

My dad had a stroke over a year ago and has been stuck in bed since. My mom sleeps outside in the living room with him every night.

I'm 18 years old, and just recently i've been having a lot of legal problems. My mom threatened to kick me out. We had a big fight. I was almost convinced I had a point. After reading your post, i'm looking at her now and I think i'm going to cry. I give my mom so much sh*t and she's done so much for me.

I know i've said nothing comforting. though I think you've helped me. thanks

Well I'm off, im going to go wash the dishes :) for mom

Sleepless,
LoCo

Im really glad i helped you and your mom patch things up. cherish her. :)

.....lost in my wonderland......

You are handling this in a very mature way. I know it is a painful thing to lose someone close to you, but never have I lost a parent. I would imagine it would be several times worse than losing anyone else (except perhaps your child). Do anything you have to in order to get through this. Don't hate time, though...time is the only true healer. I know it's hard to speak of feeling better when this happened just a short time ago, but you can get through this with the help of time (and religion, if you are religious.)

Very foolish I know but there is so much I want to give her to show my mom I loved her but I was never old enough until now but it was too late.

I'm sure your mother knew you loved her. Don't make yourself feel guilty because of misfortune.

For my next trick, I shall make you all disappear.

Thank u

.....lost in my wonderland......