Reading MelMel's journal

I've done this once before...ok, so i do it all the time, but it's time to type random crap and see what is inside of me at the moment.

i quite like doing this, simply writing, not planning. it's amazing what i actually do end up writing about. it helps me see what im focussing on, and what i should be focussing on.

im currently listening to "baby blue" by Little Birdy. Little Birdy are this great Perth band my friend Rachel introduced me to.

Am I too young for you babe,
Am I too stupid to see...

i've had those two lines going around my head for quite some time now. what is it about youth/innocence/naivety that is so appealing to guys. you know, someone had the nerve to say that one of my best features was my "innocence". it really gave me the shits that he thought he could say that. and he's pretty much a stranger too.

i know its true though. i am entirely naive, pure, childlike, whatever sexually. im sorry, but so fucking what? i dont understand why that seems to matter so much to people. i advertise the fact that im a virgin and all of a sudden im "Fobidden fruit". i guess i do abuse it too, so i kind of ask for it. but yes, it still shits me.

i refuse to lose my innocence (whatever you view innocence as) until i find other qualities about myself that i like...must. keep. pride.

The Next Day

well, it is now the next day. i gave up writing this post to talk to people on MSN. i looked up at the clock, and it was 5am! How did that happen?!

im gazing around my bedroom, articularly at the walls above me bed (my bed is in corner). they are covered in:

-Johnny Depp posters (ok, so it's a predictable start...but it gets worse/better from here...)
-random pirate posters
-records
-photos
-tickets
-pop art posters
-Spot, and Cookie monster cards (Cookie Monster is the coolest. no debates)
-Care Bear cards
-dilbert comics

i am possibly the most ecclectic person i know. possibly. prove me wrong ;)

but then one must also consider what is on my playlist at the moment...

-Avenue Q (Broadway musical, sesame street parody)
-Songs for a New World (awesome musical...actual musical quality in it! :o )
-Tripod (Melbourne comedy trio)
-Silverchair
-Area 7 (Aussie Ska Band)
-Little Birdy
-Air
-Mad Caddies
-Fame (Musical)
-Elbow (Coldplay-esque band...kind of...very trippy)

And a couple of other random bits and pieces.

Speaking of musicals, i was supposed to audition for a production of Les Mis today...but i couldnt make it, transport problems. Im so disappointed, i really, really, wanted to go. i wanted to be judged outside fo the school environment where nobody has any respect for me as an actor or a singer. oh well, I own the Bio-Box. It's mine :D Back off!!

i wanted to decorate the bio-box with photos and posters and postcards and other wierd and wonderful stuff...but my theatre teacher wouldnt let me...apparently it's a place of work...*snorts loudly and obnoxiously*

back to the audition, i hadnt actually decided what songs to do, so maybe it was a good thing i couldnt make it. i had chosen one of the songs though. its such an awesome song. i may have to find an opportunity to perform it - wearing a paper bad over my head. it does have a certain novelty factor, and the song really suited my voice, dammit :( have a read...

I was just seventeen
When you rode into town
Just a girl full of fantasies and longing
I saw you
I knew I had to be with you

Then you looked in my eyes
And you asked me my name
And I trembled before you like a baby
Then gently I kissed you
Who could resist you?
You took my heart and soul

And before I had a chance to take control
We retired to your palace on the Pole
Where we only had ourselves
And the reindeer and the elves
And a lot of things we never said
About the life I could have led
If I had had the sense to stay away

But here we are Nick
And so Nick
I know it's time for you to go Nick
I know by now I'll never claim you for my own
I've been resigned to spend my Christmases alone
And so au revoir Nick
It's grand Nick
I don't pretend to understand Nick
I saw you look at Blitzen long and lovingly
The way you used to look at me

I have sat twenty years
In this drafty retreat
As the latest in the line of Mrs. Clauses
I've sat here
And wondered what you want from me
But you sit by yourself
On the couch in the den
And you watch "Miracle on 34th Street"
You get sad and dreamy
Can't even see me
Won't even say, "Hello!"

Now you tell me that it's time for you to go
Ha!
Sling your sack upon your back and "Ho, ho, ho!"
Ha!
And what matters most of all
Is to sit inside some mall
And you never think of me
While I am pining by the tree
But never mind
I will survive
While you are gone

I set you free, Nick
Goodbye, Nick
Go ride your reindeer through the sky, Nick
I don't suppose you'll ever want me by your side
I know you now
You want a plaything, not a bride
So on your way, Nick
Shalom, Nick
Don't feel the need to hurry home, Nick
Should I want comfort in the cold and bitter storm
I've got the elves to keep me warm

Oh, oh, Nick, I didn't mean it. I'm just going crazy all cooped up in here! Oh, Nick, I mean, come on, I'm not even German.
Please take me with you. Please! I'm your wife damn it. Isn't there one once of human decency buried beneath all those layers
of fat? You disgust me! Oh yes, It's so easy to judge, isn't it? Deciding who's naughty and who's nice? Well, who died and
left you God, Mr. Claus? Hmph.

But never mind, Nick
Okay, Nick
I hate to keep you from your sleigh, Nick
When you return I will be many miles away
I'll have my lawyer call your lawyer
New Years Day!

That's all from me, Nick
Gain way, Nick
I'll miss you less than I can say, Nick
Have fun with all the little boys along the route
I'll get the mansion and the factory to boot
I will not wait until the snow beneath me thaws
I will escape
Your Santa claws!!

ok, so maybe im not 17 yet, and im not married to Santa, but it is still cool nonetheless. it has the perfect amount of shameless melodrama for me.

ranting/raving over.

woah, anyone still reading has been treated to TWO nights of random crap. but then again, random crap is what i do best :)

My friend rachel, or entertainus i think she is as an NAOee, is highly possibly going to be on a t-shirt. her friend entered a competition to design a t-shirt and used one of her photos. how great would that be, we could all wear rachel on our breasts! They're in the top ten, and they have a damn good chance of winning IMHO

have a look here it's the "Open Your Eyes" one. the good one ;)

im not in very thoughtful mood at the moment, so i think i'll just leave this post where it is.

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!