Reading Love and Lifesense

May 24, 2004 23:07 # 22735

staceyann ** isn't happy...

Please help me understand

I'm so in love with a guy that doesn't love me. and what really crazy about this is that I've loved him for well over a year and a half while he's had other relationships and was even engaged. I just can't let him go. For awhile we would get together and have sex. even while he was engaged. I see caught him in many lies and I know he's a cheater. I still love him. He was my dream man. He comes right out and say we have no future together. I planned a life with I wanted so bad I don't want to let it go. I don't date anyone else. or do anything on my days off thinking he might wakeup one day and realized he misses me and really did love me, and call. and when he doesn't I hate myself for even thinking that. But I can't stop loving him. and I don't know what to do. I keep calling him to keep me in his mine. I know he doesn't love me. I just don't understand what's wrong with me he can't love me too. he goes out and enjoys his life not giving me another thought. why can't I let go of him. I have no desire to meet anyone else. and I really don't have any friends because of my job I'm mostly alone all the time. All I do is think about him and the life I'm missing out with him. and about other girls he see. and how lucky they are he wants them. I just don't know what to do....

May 26, 2004 22:00 # 22800

marius * replies...

Re: Please help me understand

94% | 2

The only reason why you're still in love with him is the fact that you can't have him. It's that simple.

I could try to go on logically about what you're doing is wrong and why you should stop, etc, but that wouldn't be any good.

You just need to get over him, realize that there are other men out there and go on with your life.

You said you basically don't have anything else going on in your life besides your job and thinking about him. Go out, meet new people, sign up for some internet dating service, seek new friends online, whatever.

This friday, go out to some local bar, just hang out there and interact with people. Remember, you are not going there to get a new boyfriend or anything, just to have fun and meet new people. Don't act depressed, simply have fun!

Oh, and one of the reasons why I think he doesn't want anything to do with you is the reason that you're acting TOO CLINGY. He sees you're desperate and thus doesn't want to go out with you.

Think of some marketing droid (annoying salesman) offering you some product. When he offers it at first, it seems interesting and you decide to have a look. But when you get the same product offered to you for the n-th time, you don't want it anymore.

Take that as a metaphor for your current situation.

The BEST thing that you could to is to give him some space, try to make him MISS YOU by not acting as clingy as you currently are. And realize that there are ~3 billion men out there.

So, go out and enjoy yourself.

And remember, this is just my personal opinion and take it as that and nothing more.

Good luck :).

Marius

May 27, 2004 02:22 # 22802

zane * replies...

Re: Please help me understand

92% | 2

Marius is right.

The only reason why you're still in love with him is the fact that you can't have him. It's that simple.

Isn't that a universal truth!

The time we want things the most, is when we can't have it. That's why underage drinking is a problem in the US. Or other drugs and vices...

It might be a flaw of Human Nature. Or just pure instinct of all animals.

Anyways,

Even if he decides to want you back after you act less clingy, it still might not be the best situation.

See the second he relizes that you have wanted him, and he has alwasy had you as a "Option" (hence the sex). The second you remove that option from him, is the second he wants it back.

Even if that means a relationship.

But getting into a relationship could be nothing more than him to have that option back. Just be carefull and don't get hurt.

My suggestion, like marius:

This friday, go out to some local bar, just hang out there and interact with people. Remember, you are not going there to get a new boyfriend or anything, just to have fun and meet new people. Don't act depressed, simply have fun!

Then if he does decide he wants you, think of the last bit of time you spent at the bar and the fun you had, and if he REALLY REALLY is worth giving that up for. I mean everyone wants something constant in their life. But what good is something that is constant, if its based on a string, or as weak as a single strand string...

You need to step back, and maybe LATER reapproach this with a clear head. Maybe a new head that has since then been out to party, and expereince life as a single. Currently it seems you are donated to work, and maybe him....

That's a large lacking social life lacking substance, not to critisie, I have been their myself.

I can only speak from my expereinces, neither right or wrong.

Have fun at the bar (or insert other favorite location).

<I am the most complex person alive to my knowledge, save me>

May 27, 2004 18:38 # 22826

staceyann ** replies...

I also agree!

?% | 1

Yes, I know your right also. I have a hard time making myself get out and do things. I don't really go to bars, and I really do have anywhere else to go. or anyone to go with. I stay at home most the time in my room by myself. because it's feel safe there. (noone can hurt me there.) I know that sounds crazy!

May 27, 2004 18:19 # 22825

staceyann ** replies...

Thanks!

?% | 1

Thanks so much, I know your right! I'll try to take your advice.
I just have a hard time making myself do anything. I just get feeling sorry for myself and get so depressed. But, I will try.
Thank again.


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