Reading zen's journal

I've been wanting to post a journal entry for a bit, but haven't had a chance to come over.
Part of my problem is that I've installed Windows 2000 Pro., and I'm running into a wealth of glitches. I'm actually NOT going to talk tech here. Even though I love tech talk, I'm going to save that for the forums.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

This post was edited by zen on Jun 07, 2004.

=)\

Good Luck

<I am the most complex person alive to my knowledge, save me>

Zen, this post makes me think, and wonder.

In so many relationships I have been a part of, my questions of "am I getting what I'm giving here?" or am I getting what I deserve, as far as reciprocated love, affection, attention etc.,
I more often than not feel myself unworthy of those things, and for a time, just decide that whatever I do happen to be getting, as a partner, is good enough, and my just desserts.

I think that having this sort of mindset will enable me to continue in "not getting", or allowing future partners to be comfortable with the obvious fact that I, indeed, am "comfortable" enough with what seems at times to be the bear minimum. Not necessarily comfortable, but accepting.

But on the other side of that coin, because I have so many confused and lowered 'beliefs' of myself and who I am, I seem to think I have not much of a choice as far as what i'm receiving from my partner. Am I making any sense?

I do think it is important to be with a partner that puts as much into the relationship as you do. I think, also, it is difficult at best, to find someone with that willingness and lack of selfishness. But nothing is impossible. Yeah, I'm a team player, as long as I'm not told to 'sleep on the couch' too often....

Good post, Zen.

looking for a clue..

Am I making any sense?

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second

Is there an echo in here?

looking for a clue..

Sorry, yet again, technical issues. I posted a much better reply, but the "gag" goes something like this :

Am I making any sense?

No, try speaking Spanglish. :)

I'm going to post a serious reply to yours cause you actually said some interesting things that made me think.

I'll bet that just took 5 years off my life--but GODDAMM if it wasn't worth every second