Reading MelMel's journal

I wrote a poem today. I had to for English... but i havent been able to write poetry, ANY poetry for a good few years now. so this is what i produced today. ok, so it's pretty crappy. but the fact that i was able to write it all is pretty important to me.

You

Your hair, your smile
Your stare, you beguile
You care, not me
I must be free
You’re mine, you’re it
You’re gone, you’re shit
You kill my hope
So I can’t cope
It’s just too much
Your look, your touch
I run, I hide
I can’t abide
The thought that you
Might love me too
I dream, I wake
I scream, I break
You think, you know
I blink, I go
So yes, it’s true
I do love you
It hurts to leave
It makes me grieve
And now I’m lost
I know the cost
Of fear, of pride
My love has died.

ok, so its pretty standard, both in structure and theme, but im still pleased. it still needs alot of work. and its pretty incoherent to anyone other than me... but then again, most poetry is...

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

ok, so it's pretty crappy. but the fact that i was able to write it all is pretty important to me.

I dare to disagree. I actually think this is pretty good. :-)

'Repent, Harlequin!' said the Ticktockman. 'Get stuffed!' the Harlequin replied, sneering.

ok, so it's pretty crappy

Ah.... NO!

it still needs alot of work. and its pretty incoherent to anyone other than me... but then again, most poetry is...

The poem is wonderful. I did not think when I read it that it still needed work. It seems pretty coherent to me.

Good job!

I errr, geave this poem to a friend of mine. She had a creative writing assignment she'd forgotten about until the minight the day before. Tsch. So i gave her this to hand in as i dont really want my name publically attached to anything involving *gasp* emotion at school.

So all was well... Until her teacher told her she had to expand it. Apparently it needs something more in the middle. Now, to borrow a phrase from r_pendragon this fucktard of teacher is an idiot. Spends to much time trying (failing) to be cool and not enough time teaching. In five years i have never heard him say anything worthwhile. So i'm not really inclined to listen to his advice. The problem is, this poem has a bad grade attached to it at the moment. And my friend sarah does not want a bad grade attached to her.

Well too fucking bad, because my poem will not be altered~! Ya hear me? *Giggles insanely*

so now i have written another piece to go with it. An essay about why my poem is godly and said teacher is an idiot. I kind of phrased it nicer though.

But...Grrr... Surely he recognises that the poem is delibertly ambiguous. That it is supposed to be somewhat confusing to reflect my confusion at the time i wrote it? Apparently not.

See, if he had complained about the use of the word "beguile" as it makes the rhythm inconsistent i would have agreed, but...

"Stick another section in the middle"

go to hell

-mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

I've been lucky enough to never have a teacher as lazy as the guy described here. So what is your friend going to do? Turn in the essay you're writing to go with it as an explanation of why it won't be edited, or write one of her own in hopes of a better grade?

--Jami

P.S. I like the poem.

You fail it.

I'll give her the essay to hand in. Problem is, its clearly something she hasnt written. So we'll get pulled up for cheating,but.. I have a plan.

"But you see it's all my fault, sarah had nothing to do it. I persuaded her to hand in my poem as i really wanted to be judged objectively. Any poem or essay i hand automatically recieves an a+, and i just really wanted to see if my work is worthy..... Yada yada"

should work like a chram.
-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

"But you see it's all my fault, sarah had nothing to do it. I persuaded her to hand in my poem as i really wanted to be judged objectively. Any poem or essay i hand automatically recieves an a+, and i just really wanted to see if my work is worthy..... Yada yada"

Yes that it should, maybe add in some sort of earnest look or false blush with a little lip bite; to add a humble/modest I-just-really-wanted-to-help! emotional undertone so that it doesn't look like you're saying all that just to schmooze your way out of trouble.

--Jami

You fail it.