Reading Aynjell's journal

Why is it that every time that I start getting my life comfortable the powers that be always stir things up?
I wish I knew the answer.
I am now 17 and when I was 12 I did some very bad things that hurt a lot of the people that loved me, namely my family. Since then I have been paying for it day in and day out and i have not seem my kin since.I have been in group homes and treatment centers only to learn what they were not trying to teach me.
I had to grow up by myself and the only thing that those places seem to do for me was constantly remind me that there was a logical barrier between me and the outside world. To some extent there still is. I cannot seem to connect with anybody. People in general are foreign to me.
I have learned over the years to accept everything with a grain of salt and to always expect the worst. I guess theoretically I could not be let down, but this is not the case. It happens to me every day. I strive to meet a goal sacraficing myself in every way possible so that I can reach the end goal in mind only for it to wind up being in vain.
For the last year now I have been living in several different foster homes, all of them different and not all of them good. One of these 'foster placements' was the family that I never had, but that is another post altogether.
Now they are planning on moving my placement again (they being the powers at be that I will not name) and it is getting quite old by now. And it is really starting to ruin my life. I have not lived anywhere solid for more than two months in a year or two and now they are going to be putting me farther from the things that I need. And they are going to expect me to just deal with it like they always do.
As my foster mother has said:
"At what point does a man pay for his crimes."
As much as I hate to admit it I did some pretty bad things, but why am I paying for things that I did when I was 12 when I am nearing my 18th birthday?
Either way it is getting really old and I am growing very tired of it all. I deserve some justice by now.
It is bad enough that due to my mistakes I lost my childhood but now they want to take my adolescence....
I want to live for a little before I have to grow up, I will get what I want more than once my life, I want to be happy and no one can take that away from me. No one.
I will be succesful and they will not stop me, maybe hinder me, but not stop me.
I will go on.

I should be ashamed of myself.