Reading MelMel's journal

It's so strange, but i truly feel content at the moment.

It began friday night. Our school formal/social/prom/dinner dance (pick one and go with it, but i'm callin' it a formal :P). I wasnt all that excited before it... There was just too much happening at school and in my life in general. But when i got there, it hit me. The minute i walked in the door, all these reasons why life was worth living flooded into my brain. So here they are, published on the internet to serve as a constant reminder for me to look back on in moments of weakness.

It was also the last day of term. It was one of those evenings where everything was beautiful. I was surrounded by people i love and respect. Of course there were some that i dont love also there, but just for that night, there was mutual respect in everyone in the room. All 200 people.

You know what, i dont even know why i was so happy. Im going to think on it and finish this post later.

it is now wednesday, and you know what? I'm still feeling good.

back to the evening where it began. it was just a truly beautiful evening where i felt loved and respected. i've never felt like that before. and it felt good. good enough to make me want to live again.

i feel strong again. strong enough to handle the everyday shit that has dragged me down for so long. strong enough to step over and continue doing what i want to do.

it's even small things that are improving in my life. like waking up in the morning. i used to dread getting up. i used to dread having to put on that happy act for everyone, but now i wake and say 'I can do this'.

i have plans for the future now. things that i can and will achieve. things that i'm happy doing. for instance, these holidays i'm planning on taking shite-loads of photos of myself as all the various stereotypes i can think of (if anyone has any suggestions please tell me).

i have a plan of how i'm going to do my theatre monologue.

i've been so caught up in simply surviving each moment that until now...i havent really stopped to look ahead. but now i am.

dammit, life can be good. and mine will be. i'm going to make sure of it.

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

This post was edited by MelMel on Jun 30, 2004.

That's truely great. Hold on to these thoughts! :-)

I just noticed, how lucky I am. While I do have those moments, too, when I don't know what I live for, when I have thoughts in part not unlike what you have expressed before, I always know one thing: It will be over the next morning. I wonder if the trust in this - that it will be alright again - is enough in itself to make it come true...

'Repent, Harlequin!' said the Ticktockman. 'Get stuffed!' the Harlequin replied, sneering.

Oh, i forgot to say on the other post... photos from the forma can be found here.

You know, for a bunch of social rejects...we're pretty damn hot.

(modest too).

and wizz, thank you for your kind words as always. you always seem to be able to say something comforting and whilst i dont always say so, it is always appreciated.

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

You know, for a bunch of social rejects...we're pretty damn hot.

Hot indeed. Nice gun!

'Yeah, That's what Jesus would do. Jesus would bomb Afghanistan. Yeah.' - snowlion

It seemed like a good idea at the time *blushes*

no wait, it's still a good idea.

Nice gun!

Man, i'm so disappointed, i lost it last night! oh well, i learnt a valuable lesson: Vodka was created by the devil. *groans* i'm never drinking straight vodka again.

on the plus side... no hangover *cheers*

-Mel :P

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!