Reading r_pendragon's journal

"No judgment!" is a quote from one of my favorite TV shows, HBO's "Sex & the City." Without completely going into a plot synopsis of the episode, it basically deals with how people judge others on surface information, but then tack a hasty "No judgment!" onto their judging, as if that absolves them in some way.

What bothers me even more than people who go around judging others (though god knows I'm painfully guilty of this, too), is people who judge themselves, as if it's some kind of defense mechanism. As in, "well, you're going to judge me anyway, so I might as well beat you to the punch."

The inspiration for this rant comes from a friend and co-worker of mine. Our office is located on the 6th floor of a building; the 5th floor is some sort of advertising firm, and the 1st-4th floors are a grocery store. Rather an odd mix, but pretty typical for Tokyo, where of course space is tight.

In any case, this friend of mine has a more-than-obvious crush on one of the guys who stocks the fruit section down in the grocery store. And, due to recent events and some very poorly-delivered lies on my friend's part, I'm almost positive that she's dating him.

However, she won't own up to it. We've had some conversations lately about hopes for the future, etc., and I get the definite implication from her that she has higher aims than a boyfriend who works in a grocery store.

Now, it's of course well within her rights to have a relationship with him and not tell me about it; I certainly don't want to be nosy. But I have this gut feeling that the only reason she hasn't told me (or anyone else at work, for that matter) about it is because she's embarrassed– she has self-judged.

It just makes me sad-- I've talked to him a little (language barrier...), and he's nice, a little bit on the shy side, but sweet. And who cares where he works? I honestly don't have any judgement to pass. I wish my friend wouldn't do this to herself.

I'd like to tell her, "No. Seriously. From me, no judgment."

There are so many people in the world who enjoy judging others. Why help them along?

This post was edited by r_pendragon on Jun 27, 2004.

We've had some conversations lately about hopes for the future, etc., and I get the definite implication from her that she has higher aims than a boyfriend who works in a grocery store.

The bigger question is why is it so odd that this person works in a grocery store? Should we really judge a person by their profession? This could be your friends perfect mate. You never know. But I find it extremely funny how your job indicates the type of people you can get with. (e.g. social standing) It's very perplexing how the human social system works out.

Luckily I met my wife before we had a jobs. I suppose that is an exception. =)

This post was edited by majic on Jun 28, 2004.

Well, i dont really think the fact that he works in a grocery store means hes going to be unsuccessful in life. I suppose stocking fruit isnt the greatest link to a successful career, but is he in college? Or is he just a bum that hops jobs to make money because he doesnt want to go to college? It just really depends i think.

On another note, if your friend is happy with this guy, i dont think it really matters where he works. Love is blind, they say.

Best of luck to your friend, though!!~

"Wishing on a star that's already burned out..."

I suppose stocking fruit isnt the greatest link to a successful career, but is he in college? Or is he just a bum that hops jobs to make money because he doesnt want to go to college?

WOW! That is exactly what I am talking about. Why should a person need to be in college to be a good mate? Why isn't it perfectly okay if the person wants to stock fruit at the super market? This stereotype of a perfect person blows my mind. Does a person have to go to college? Why is somebody considered a bum if they do not wish to go to college?

Life is about more than just a college degree and some yuppy high class career that makes you really *cool* flashy friends and alot of money.

Why should a person need to be in college to be a good mate? Why isn't it perfectly okay if the person wants to stock fruit at the super market?

Precisely the point I was striving for with my initial post, yes. I hope I made it clear that it was my friend who seemed to be judging herself that way, and that I honestly don't care what his profession is, as long as she's happy. I'm actually really tired of the stereotype of education as a mark of worth. Three of my best friends are in grad school right now, and I always get a bit of a vibe that I'm being a bum, hanging out in Japan instead of working on a history Ph.D. (my future goal), so that I can get "a real job."

What, I would like to know, is a "real job?"

In any case, grousing aside, I have a bit of an update, if anyone's interested... last night, before we left work, she snuck into the bathroom and proceeded to change her clothes, do hair, makeup, and all that jazz. I kind of grinned at her and asked if she had plans, and she admitted she had a date. I asked who, and she smiled and said "I think you know who."

At this point, I'm the only person who knows (except for all of you lovely anonymous people), but at least she's realized that, if he makes her happy, she should be happy about being with him. So, in spite of my above general complaining, I'm happy too, for her. Huzzah-- down with the social and classist constructions, one person at a time.

I'm actually really tired of the stereotype of education as a mark of worth.

You and me both! In fact I couldn't have said it any better. This notion of being a bum or looser because you don't wish to persue college is an extremely annoying stereotype. I've met plenty of extremely intelligent people that have not gone to college.

What, I would like to know, is a "real job?"

A real job in the eyes of society is any job that makes you loads of money and earns you really cool snobby friends. Oh, and you have to drive a BMW and drink Starbucks coffee all day long.

A real job to me is one that I feel satisfied at the end of the day from a honest days work. I focus more on artistic things than I do on some type of career. To me a career is about being creative, not what you do during the workday. My writing, music and life experiments are my career. I can't learn any of that in a college, I do what comes natural and I go with it.