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Reading majic's journal

After reading the "No Judgement!" journal entries by r_pendragon and ranting a bit about the fact that potential boy friends and girl friends are judged by the job/profession/career path that they have entered. It makes me extremely upset to see this over and over again. If a person flips burgers at McDonalds does that make him/her a looser? What qualifies a person to be worthy enough to have a friend/mate/whatever???

Tonight I was reading my favorite website litkicks.com and I just so happened to find the exact quote I was looking for to illustrate my point of view on this matter. The quote reads "Before I was enlightened, I chopped wood and carried water. After I was enlightened, I chopped wood and carried water." This says it better than any words I can think of. I believe that profession or college degree do not matter in the worth of a person. There are so many other factors that make us humans and by judging and ruling out people based on these two factors is just plain wrong and does a serious injustice to each of us.

I consider myself a simple man. I do work that makes me feel good at the end of the day. The job could be as mundane as flipping burgers but it doesn't matter. I don't work to make millions of dollars, I don't have goals to make millions either. None of that interests me. I simply do the best damn job I can with whatever task I am given. If that job is putting paper in the laser printer, by GOD I will do it better than anybody out there. =)

I've had some coworkers ask me if I was going to reenlist and if there was a bonus for my job. I told them repeatedly that I don't need a bonus to reenlist. I don't want the free money as an incentive to reenlist because I love what I do. I will reenlist anyway regardless of a bonus or not. They look at me like I'm smoking crack and I think it's pretty funny. I am where I am because I am needed. I do what I do because there are people depending on people like me. If I had a college degree/ PhD or Nobel prize I'd still do the work that I do now. It may not be the best or most paying job but it makes me feel good at the end of the day. An honest days work goes along way in my book.

This brings me to the quote above. I have not been to college, I don't profess to be the smartest person around. I know what I know and I know what I'm good and bad at. I have talents that were not learned in a school (piano, guitar playing) or by a professor or teacher. I have loves for poetry and photography that were not born in the minds of an educator. My worth cannot be measured by my job or my education level. I'm a dedicated individual that takes pride in the things I do. You cannot learn that in a school, either you have it or you don't. My worth is deeper than my skin. You can look at me and never know me. We cannot judge people's worth by their exterior appearance. The job a person has is not a direct correlation to what they are. If they don't wish to attain a college degree does not make them lazy or stupid. There are a million and one ways to make a life in this world and some of them don't involve having a high paying job or a college degree. This does not make these lives any less respectable than the next.

"Before I was enlightened, I chopped wood and carried water. After I was enlightened, I chopped wood and carried water."

And another sore point with me is people giving up on their marriages. This just burns me to bits, I want to scream. Here is a little background. My mother and father were married for 32 years. That is ten times three plus two years. Yes thirty two years, I'm 29! My dad had this brilliant fucking idea that the goddamn grass was greener on the other side. Oh he found his soulmate, the person he was supposed to be with, she made him laugh and allowed him to be open and blah blah.... BULLSHIT! He divorced my mom and married his ICQ bitch. Not even a year later they are no longer together. He first cheated on my mom and then divorced her. Why? Did he go fucking insane? Do any Americans remember their fucking marriage vowels? Why do people even get married today? Why do they waste their time?

(my opinion) The sad fact is that 99% of Americans have a drive thru mentality. They wanna drive thru and get their fill and leave. They are lazy, weak and will not stick to their promises. They get tired of their spouses and want to find their soulmate or that special person that brings out the child in them. It's all a crock of shit honestly. Fuck they got married for a reason. I believe most fucking can't remember that reason. This subject irritates me so much! Fuck I can't even go on...

I'm a simple man that believes in the basics of life. I didn't get married to just give up. I certainly didn't get married with the hopes that 14 years or 32 years down the road I'd find my soulmate and divorce my wife. Geesh! I said my vowels and I intend to live by them, I will not follow the millions of other sick/fat/lazy/weak Americans that can't live up to the promises they make.

If you are married and have cheated and are giving up on your children and your commitments, I got a big FUCK YOU for you. You make me sick.

Amen brother man. I totally agree with you.

After reading the "No Judgement!" journal entries by r_pendragon and ranting a bit about the fact that potential boy friends and girl friends are judged by the job/profession/career path that they have entered. It makes me extremely upset to see this over and over again. If a person flips burgers at McDonalds does that make him/her a looser? What qualifies a person to be worthy enough to have a friend/mate/whatever???

This really shows the shallowness of some individuals. Have we forgotten that many upon many people that worked those jobs became very successful.
"Do not judge a man by his present career. No, judge a man by where his present vision is on what he is working for in the future of his career." Everyone starts out somewhere. I stocked shelves at two different companies.. You know what; I learned more about how to run a future company for the simple fact I stocked the shelves.
It is a shame and I will go back to high school, because that where shallowness starts. Shallow Class 101. You turned down a date with a classmate because he or she wasn't cool enough, didn't wear the stylish gear, worked at McDonald's, or just a nerd, whatever. You dated the jock or cheerleader, because they were the center of attention....Humm now ten years later, the jock you married is on unemployment, drinks a 12 pack of beer a night, smacks you around, and is a deadbeat dad. All while the classmate that you turned down is now a success. Weird how things always have a tendency of flipping around, huh? Now I am not saying that this character would end up marrying this "jock". What I am saying is; When we are youths we tend to get in a pattern of doing or thinking, and this will more than likely continue into adulthood. How we view people, the individual that LIGHTS our INTERNAL FIRE, the not cool enough crowd, this all tends to stay with us. So in Layman's Terms, we always hold some people higher than others. Or we only date a certain type of individual, because that is what we were acclimated to for so long.
I have dated some shallow women, and I see shallowness in how I act with different things. Everyone is shallow with something. Whether it is gender, race, culture, fat people, skinny people, age, etc. Shallowness is basically pre-judgement's son. They are both wrong, and yet we all do it. We all pre-judge someone on their book cover, instead of the content of one's character. The trick is realizing what we are shallow about and working to correct it.

"The starting point of all achievement is desire. Keep this constantly in mind. Weak desires bring weak results. Just as a small amount of fire makes a small amount of heat."

As history shows us, it has always been Aces over Kings

This post was edited by havananights on Jul 02, 2004.

Majic... wow... hats of to a fantastic post, and a powerful read. Hell, I feel like shaking your hand or buying you a beer or something. I'd at least rate your post Excellent, if my web browser wasn't somehow preventing me from rating stuff.

Wisdom is not something you can buy, or even learn. Sometimes a so-called "simple" view can brush away the heavy shades of grey that we often hide behind.

Nothing more to add, for me at least.

But I can't find no place or nothin', where thrills are cheap, and love is divine

Do any Americans remember their fucking marriage vowels?

*vows

Sadly enough, I've no clue, and it emberasses me.

My friend, this is a most excellent post. Pity I can only rate once. I really can't comment on this. The divorce rate is out of control in this country, in my opinion due to the loss of morals (thanks to TV and internet porn), excessive rise of feminism, rise of male egotism, rise of self-centered viewpoints, rise of the "more for ME" mentality, and the rise of the "what does this do for ME" mentality, to name a few.

Thanks to TV glamorizing the "love at first sight" business (which frankly, in nearly every case, is bullshit), like "The Bachelor" and other reality shit-storms... I mean shows. People never spend time to sit down and think about their relationships. Noone ever looks to the future of a relationship, instead they focus on what they see and experience in the here and now, not what they will expierence for the bulk remainder of their life. Like someone putting emphasis on highschool dating and social life when highschool will only be 4 years out of your life.

Thats my view. Excellent post Majic, what you said needed to be said.

Pistol Grip Pump In My Lap At All Times

"Before I was enlightened, I chopped wood and carried water. After I was enlightened, I chopped wood and carried water."

Well, as you already know, I'm sympatico. And, by the way, that's an excellent quote.

I think the biggest problem is that people erroneously value classroom time over experience. But to use a fairly superfluous example, I can honestly attest that my Japanese hasn't improved because I studied it in school; it's gotten better because now I talk to friends in Japanese on a daily basis. So is classroom time necessarily better? I think not.

So many people are attached to what they can tangibly understand-- a degree on the wall has more supposed value because it's in reach; it's readable; it's an easy way to make an assessment.

But that kind of snap judgment-making really is inexcusable. I wish people would spend more time focusing on the genuine worth of others, rather than what's printed on paper-- whether that be money, a degree, what have you.

I appreciate the value of the human mind, not the piece of paper that claims that mind has value.

My stepdad isn't mean, he's just adjusting. -Death to Smoochy

This post was edited by r_pendragon on Jul 03, 2004.

So many people are attached to what they can tangibly understand-- a degree on the wall has more supposed value because it's in reach; it's readable; it's an easy way to make an assessment.

Experience is a much harder thing to attain because it means you have to take what you know (or think you know) and apply it and make it work. This means continued learning/failure and brushing off your shoulders and picking yourself back up and trying again. An ounce of determination is worth more than a pound of sweat!

Alright, I've got to have a second reply re: the marriage half of your entry.

First of all, regarding your parents-- damn, I'm sorry. That's terrible.

And another sore point with me is people giving up on their marriages.

I agree that this is a crying shame. To an extent.

But I don't think that all divorces are "give ups." My parents, for example, were -awful- together. And they did the church counseling, and the time apart and getting back together; none of it worked. In the end, I've been so much better off because of their divorce... I grew up in two happy households with loving parents who were more than capable of being friends, instead of in one sad household with two angry, miserable parents who were too busy fighting to take care of me.

The sad fact is that 99% of Americans have a drive thru mentality.

I'm with you, here. People who get married on a lark absolutely infuriate me. I always cringe when I read something in the newspaper like "Famous Person X married Celebrity B in Vegas last night; their sources confirm that it has already been annulled." Wretched; even for people like me, who don't imbue marriage with any particular religious significance, this is just a perversion of everything about marriage and love that is sacred (take "sacred" in a religious or secular sense, as it suits you).

I certainly didn't get married with the hopes that 14 years or 32 years down the road I'd find my soulmate and divorce my wife.

Hmmm, this is tricky. I don't think that most sensible, self-realized people walk down the aisle with the mentality that they'll divorce this person if something better comes along. At that moment, this person is The One.

But the sad fact is, people change. Hence the oft-repeated phrase of "You aren't the man/woman I married." I think people should try their damnedest to work out their issues, but I do think there are such things as extenuating circumstances and irreconcilable differences.

Cheating on your spouse, though, I agree, is definitely not an extenuating circumstance. It's a complete betrayal of the marriage vows. If a marriage isn't working, counseling should be sought, not comfort in the arms/bed of another.

I guess my bottom line is, I don't think there is anything wrong with divorce if it has become the only viable option. But I agree that people are too quick to make it the first choice rather than the last resort.

-Rachel

My stepdad isn't mean, he's just adjusting. -Death to Smoochy

But I don't think that all divorces are "give ups."

Well I'm not so sure. Each of us knows that we will change. Everything changes. We need to work harder to realize that everything will not stay the same. I think it's too easy to just get a divorce.

Hmmm, this is tricky. I don't think that most sensible, self-realized people walk down the aisle with the mentality that they'll divorce this person if something better comes along. At that moment, this person is The One.

This perfectly illustrates my view. The person we married yesterday is the one. The one we want to spend the rest of our life with. After all that's what marriage is all about. That person tomorrow will change and so will we. It's our duty to roll with the changes, adapt to our environment and work with what we have. Divorce is not an option (of course barring your spouse goes insane and shoots up the neighborhood or your children or family). Okay I'll contradict myself, divorce should only be used in the most extreme cases imaginable.

At that moment, this person is The One.

If we found the "one" there is no other "one". What we did yesteday can not be changed today. If we think we found the "one" then we act on it, there is no second chance.

But the sad fact is, people change.

Yes they do. People change, the environment changes the circumstances change and humans have the uncanny ability to adapt and overcome. It's our responsibility to make the marriage work at all costs. If we are not prepared to make it work at all costs we have no business getting married in the first place.

But I agree that people are too quick to make it the first choice rather than the last resort.

Because it's easy to say I tried and then seek a divorce. Seldom people are strong enough to ride it out and make it work.

In my book getting a divorce admits complete failure on your part (barring extreme circumstances).

It's our duty to roll with the changes, adapt to our environment and work with what we have.

It's our responsibility to make the marriage work at all costs.

Why? For what higher cause? Are you arguing from a moral or a religious point of view, or rather from experience?

One only has a single life to live. Either with of without your partner. And if it doesn't work out with him/her - if it really doesn't, is there really a point in suffering through it, just to not be weak and not break a vow.

Of course that isn't to say divorce should be anything but a last resort.

But you have read what r_pendragon wrote about her parents' divorce. I know similar cases, where a couple - certainly in love with each other when they got married - developed so differently that they finally absolutely could not get along with each other. I believe there are divorces, where everyone involved is - in the long run - better off. To still stay together "simply" out of a feeling of morality is in that case inappropriate, in my opinion.

And to say these developments were to be expected, that one who cannot cope with them was not fit for marriage in the first place, is perhaps too naive. At the time most people marry, they probably just cannot see every implication of what they are doing. I would expect them to keep what they promise, anyways. But not at all costs.

'Repent, Harlequin!' said the Ticktockman. 'Get stuffed!' the Harlequin replied, sneering.

Awesome points Wizz!

Why? For what higher cause? Are you arguing from a moral or a religious point of view, or rather from experience?

Well to speak from experience would mean that you have died and have led a full life with your spouse. I'm arguing the religious aspect of it. I'll let you have the last words on it. Very, very good points Wizz!

But I don't think that all divorces are "give ups."

-r_pendragon

Well I'm not so sure. Each of us knows that we will change. Everything changes. We need to work harder to realize that everything will not stay the same. I think it's too easy to just get a divorce.

Yes, but that doesn't mean we'll know how we will change, nor do we know that about the people we marry or fall in love with. I'm not saying divorce should be your first choice on handling changes in your marriage but I don't think it's entirely evil. As for being too easy to get, I disagree, if it were more difficult then people who really need it; say a woman (or man) who's being abused in the relationship might not be able to get out. Hell, most of the time those people can't get one even with it being so simple (probably due to lack of money or their partner refuses to sign the papers).

If we found the "one" there is no other "one". What we did yesteday can not be changed today. If we think we found the "one" then we act on it, there is no second chance.

Well, I disagree with this almost completely. If you've found The One, then yes that should technically be the only 'one'. However, what we do today can be changed tomorrow, not erased but altered in how we react to it, to make a situation better or worse. And there's always a second chance, unless it ends in death. (BTW: I'm not out to start an argument, I like you and respect your opinions, however, I do disagree.)

People change, the environment changes the circumstances change and humans have the uncanny ability to adapt and overcome. It's our responsibility to make the marriage work at all costs. If we are not prepared to make it work at all costs we have no business getting married in the first place.

Yes, but a relationship heading down south with no look at going north again is not the same thing as adapting to the effects of a hurricane or the climate in your area turning humid. Being with someone that makes you feel bad, and constantly tells you things to bring you down isn't someone you should spend the rest of your life with. Even if they weren't that way in the begining.