Reading MelMel's journal

I really wonder about myself sometimes. Why do i do incredibly stupid things that have enormous potential to fuck up my life even further. I still havent worked out the answer, give us a hoy if any of you do.

Well to be more specific at the end of last term i stuffed up. Big time. I was doing tech at school and my little flipblade thingamy i used to cary in my pocket fell out onto the desk in the bio box. I didnt notice until the next day when my theatre teacher (and friend, she was the one i finally opened up to) asked me if i knew anything about it. "Uhh, err, wel, you see, it's...Mine." Im oh so articulate whilst under pressure you see. So she responds with "you know i love you but i cant let you keep this, i have to give it to the principal..." And she gives me the look that says she knows. She knows why i carried it.I couldnt bear the look so i ran out.

I finally had that meeting with the school councillor the next day and she knew about the knife. I said it was for self defence for whn i walked home after dark. She believed it all. We came to an agreement that the knife, my knife, be thrown out and never mentioned again, and left off my reocrd at the school.

I still havent spoken to my teacher about it since though. We're just kind of pretending it never happened. I'd kind of like to explain myself to her. I dont know, ill see if the opportunity arrises. Ive been trying to find an appropriate time to thank her for her help and support but havent had any luck yet. Maybe ill email her or something. Actually, maybe not. I dont like to have things in writing floating around the school. Ahh, ill find a time. I think.

<_<
>_>

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

I want to reply to this post but before i do i need to ask. what exactly do you loose the flipblade for? I have an idea but would rather you say so as to avoid possibly insulting you if im wrong.

I used to use it for cutting myself. Yes, im a typical teenager, shamlessly mainstream etc.

But i wasnt entirely stupid, i still wanted to be hygienic, thus the carrying around a knife as opposed to simply grabbing scissors or something.

But now no such luxory. Oh well, at least im controlling myself better than i used to.

-Mel

Look at me! I'm a prostitute robot from the future!

Glad to hear you're controlling yourself. One of my friends used to cut herself... I'm not sure if she's stopped... I hope she has..

"I'm free to say whatever I, whatever I like if it's wrong or right, it's alright."

This post was edited by kaizley on Jul 28, 2004.

Thats what i thought. As you have probably read in one of my enntries my ex used to cut herself. she just used a piece of glass though. that wasnt a very clean way of doing it.

Well at least it sems like your teacher understands, which is cool. i can appreciate it must be pretty tough to talk about. Dont be ashamed of yourelf for doing it though. We all develop ways of dealing with how we feel. at least you can say cutting yourself is a way of dealing with your emotions that doesnt hurt other people.

If its stopped you cutting yourself maybe having the knife taken off you is a positive thing. Maybe talking to your teacher would be a good thing if you feel comfortable with the idea. teachers are only people after all, theres no reason why he/she cant be your friend as well as your teacher.