Reading jael's journal

I'm not really a writer so I'm going to do my best to write something that makes some kind of sense.

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I'd have to say that I'm unfortunate never to have one of those life-long friends that know your every move and expression.. Ofcourse I have had close friends who have loved me and know me better than a lot of others... but again ... they either live in other countries or have breaken off due to various reasons..

I got to a point where I thought that I was probably destined to learn to live with me and so I managed quite well .. indulged myself with movies, books and music..
Soon you realize that it's hard to really move on without some one loving you.

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I met someone over the summer, it wasn't something I was looking for .. I dont think it's love, we barely lasted for a week .. but it was full of soft kisses and whispers..

Thing is .. I've never really been taken as a total girl .. (ok i know this sounds crazy) BUt i come off as an open person.. most guys take me as one of their own.. which is a good thing ..but pathetic when it comes to having a boyfriend.. I guess because they subconsciously think they don't really put the same kind of effort that they would put while taking a regular girl out.. I very rarely get roses or chocolates ...

Although he knew what kind of a person I was.. he never failed to make me feel cherished, loved, wanted and most of all safe..
something that I couldnt find in a guy i dated for a year and some.. i found in some one I barely knew..

Now this ..was highly dangerous....

My brief affair is now over.. and I'm scared out of my wits.. will i ever find some one who could make me feel like that again?

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It's been 2 months or so .. it's hard to forget how i felt.. but as life goes on .. I have to keep reminding myself to see things for what it actually is.. A summer fling.. and thats all ..

I keep reasuring myself.. I'm only 18 for Christ's sake .. ofcourse I will make new friends.. I got my whole life ahead of me .. I will meet some one new who will sweep me off my feet ...

I'll defniatly make new friends.. I start university in February and it's just going to be a huge new chapter of my life..

So why do I feel so miserable when the best thing is about to happen to me?

Hopefully this is just a phase .... and like everything else.. I will deal with it and move on.. and keep the memories treasured..

Your right about new things ahead of you.

At the same time it's hard when you get to taste something wonderful and then it's gone. It is scary, partly because of the uncertianty of life, and partly because it was so wonderful.
Almost too good.

It's part of the growing process. You've become a self contained unit, so to speak, and maybe in all of this, the lesson is that no person can be completely self contained.

I think, life is to be shared. I would tell you to go out and love somemore. Maybe what you experienced was a taste of love, it's possible. I tend to think your time with this person was a gift, a gift with much to learn and gain from as your about to take the next step in your life.

Just a thought.

wendy

It only looks that way because your standing on your head.