Reading r_pendragon's journal

And finally, at long last, I've come to one and made the other.

On October 29, I'm leaving Japan. Six months earlier than expected, but so it goes. My employer can't afford to pay me what I'm worth, I'd like to avoid the hassle of renewing my visa, and frankly, I've almost forgotten why I wanted to be in Japan in the first place.

All that said, though, it's still hard. Now that I've got just over a month left, every place I go, everytime I do something, everytime I see a friend it's: "Is this the last time?" I hate the melancholy and the pre-nostalgia, but I suppose it's typical.

The last time I moved back home from Japan I was fed up with the Kansai (compared to Tokyo it's a bit on the backwards side, even if Osaka is Japan's second-largest city) and leaving wasn't so hard. But I am fond of Tokyo, and there are a lot of things I love.

I know this is by no means the last time I'll be in Japan (I already have an invite to spend Christmas 2005 with friends in Nagano), but it's probably the last time I'll live here, barring some glorious miracle event like getting a job at the Tokyo U.S. embassy.

So it's hard, kind of an emotional Catch 22. I am so ready to go home, play with my dog, eat comfort food, go to Sunday brunch with my mom and do the NY Times crossword, find a real job, have a car again, spend time with friends who speak fluent English. (I love my Japanese friends, but I inevitably end up having to explain words like "blowjob" and "horny" to them– why me, god?– and it would just be nice to not have to do that.)

But I'll also miss the great trains, and speaking Japanese, cheap yet delicious sushi, pink M&Ms all year round, my students, my friends, my incredibly sexy cell phone, and the challenge of living in a foreign country where the signs aren't even written in Roman letters, much less in English.

I hate the aimlessness, I guess, that feeling of sort of wanting to stay, but sort of wanting to go home. It's cake, and I want to have it and eat it, too.

Reverse culture shock, I await thee.

My stepdad isn't mean, he's just adjusting. -Death to Smoochy

For anyone who was wondering, yes, for better or for worse, the fucktard cat will be coming with me at the end of October to become an American catizen.

She's thrilled.

My stepdad isn't mean, he's just adjusting. -Death to Smoochy